Battle Scars
by wrong.perfection
Summary: There is no immunity in terms of mistakes. For Jules Koehler, those mistakes haunted her everyday. Especially when she finds herself tied closely to the man that tore her whole world apart. Wo Fat. Now, Jules will have to rely on the strength of family and a new friend, to help mend her shattered heart.
1. Prologue

_"One mistake does not have to rule a person's entire life."_

- Joyce Meyer

They say that Hawaii is a tropical paradise. A place of enchantment and wonder. What they don't think about is the horrors the island has seen. I'm not talking about Pearl Harbor. I'm talking about the crimes that tear families apart: murders, kidnappings, drug trafficking. The kind of horrors that locals are forced to see while the tourists are out prancing around on a beach sipping on cocktails.

The death of John McGarrett rocked this island to its very core. Maybe people didn't realize how his death had affected the island, but they lost an old school cop who gave his last breath to keep his island and his family safe. The truth of the matter is that it led to the formation of what we so affectionately call, Five-0. An elite task force comprised of some of the best law enforcement officers on the island. I guess the question now is where do I fit into all of this?

I am the reason that John McGarrett is dead, at least that's what I believed...at first anyway. My name is Julia Cherie Koehler. My family calls me Jules. John McGarret called me Jules.

My life went off course when I got tangled up in a twisted web set out by a man named Wo Fat. Now the thing about Wo Fat is that he's the kind of man who can single handedly destroy an entire life without personally involving himself by manipulating those around him into doing all the dirty work. He'll go to any lengths to set people up for murder without even a second thought. I'm sure he's made some mistakes along the way, but even those mistakes would more than likely never track back to him. The Hesse brothers, John, Joe, Steve, and myself are all pawns in this warped game. Pawns with one thing in common, Shelburne.

Through countless betrayals and heartaches I found myself with a badge and a gun designated to help the Five-0 track down Wo Fat. My job was to perform inquires into the whereabouts of this wanted fugitive and by any means necessary bring him in. So in all reality, it was me doing the research and John McGarrett's son, Steve, running out to save the day with his partner Danny Williams. Between tracking down Wo Fat and trying to work out my damaged emotional psyche, I was required to work with the task force on regular cases as well.

And somehow through all of it, we finally got a lock on Shelburne. All of John's investigations, my information, Joe's "help", and Steve's ungodly perseverance, we had finally done it. Steve had arrested Wo Fat not too long ago, and was on his way to bring Shelburne back to the island, but we gave up a lot to get here to this moment. Too much.

* * *

The last seven years of my life have led up to this moment. After all of the pain and suffering, I was finally going to meet the one person who I'd been searching for all along. I was finally going to be face to face with Shelburne. I was finally going to meet the person who I went through hell for. It all seemed so surreal as I stood there in the hangar watching the movement on the tarmac carefully.

The grief, the pain, and the loss I had face over the last few years would, after today it would finally mean something. Shelburne had to be kept safe, and I needed answers. We all did. The weight of the pistol and badge on my hip felt more like a weight I couldn't shake opposed to something used to serve and protect. They were made heavier by the weight of my involvement in everything that was about to go down, because in my mind I felt as though I had been standing on the other side of the line with the criminals too often. My hands felt dirty, even though every move I made had been to protect the people I love.

"How are you feeling?" a voice pulled me back to the present.

I looked over at the man standing beside of me. Detective Danny Williams had been there for me since John McGarrett's murder. He was a mainlander, a recent transplant to the island that had been assigned to the case. The thing about Danny was that he had his own set of rules, despite being "stuck" on a tropical island, he always came dressed professionally, tie and all. It was amusing, since most detectives on the island adhered to a more laid back dress code. More recently though, his days of wearing ties had come to an end due to all the criticism he had been getting, especially from Steve. Or maybe he just realized that he was in Hawaii to stay, and that wasn't such a bad place to call home.

He didn't have the laid back attitude most Hawaiians did either. In the time that I'd known him, I've learned that he has an ex-wife named Rachel and a daughter named Grace. His disdain for his ex-wife is clear, especially when his face turns red during any one of his somewhat frequent rants about her. His little girl was a different story, he had nothing but love and devotion for her.

"Shaken," I replied as I leaned against the hood of the silver Camaro. "If Wo Fat gets a hold of Shelburne, I'll be his next target. Double crossing a very powerful criminal isn't the smartest thing to do. I wouldn't recommend doing it."

Did I forget to mention that Wo Fat had escaped? Well, he did. He was loose on our island and most certainly aware of Shelburne's arrival, too. So, we are waiting and hoping we can keep Shelburne safe, because if we can't...I'll be next on Wo Fat's hit list. If I'm being honest I've been hovering towards the top of that list for a while now.

"We won't let Wo Fat get near you," Danny said as he leaned against the hood next to me, his own arms crossed over his chest.

I shook my head looking away from him. We were sitting in an empty hangar at Honolulu International Airport with the best of HPD waiting in the wings. With Wo Fat on the loose again, there would be nothing left to chance.

"This isn't going to end well, Danny."

Danny shook his head, "I know."

"After everything..." I trailed off pushing away from the car. "It all comes down to this moment."

"You did it all to protect him...To protect Steve?" Danny asked still leaning against the car with his blue eyes watching me carefully.

"I had too," I stated softly, but my words got lost in the noise bouncing around the hangar.

Danny just nodded in understanding, and I knew that I was going to have to tell Danny the whole story one day. I just hadn't prepared for that day to be today, but I also knew that Danny wanted to understand, and that he loved Steve, too. In spite of the fact that they bickered like an old married couple.

"I guess I'll start at the beginning," I said feeling nervous about how he would react to all of it.

"I'm not going anywhere." Danny said as he took my hand.

I took a deep breath and stared down at our intertwined fingers smiling at the irony in this very moment. As Danny gave me something to hold onto, I was finally going to let go. Let go of the past, the mistakes I'd made and maybe...just maybe I would be able to let go of the guilt. Someday.

* * *

**Hello everyone! I hoped you enjoyed this prologue, I promise you there is plenty of awesome plot-line to come. I would like to send a huge shout-out to my beta, livialovesdelena. She is the greatest! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 1

_**Seven Years Earlier**_

I walked out along the shore line taking in the salty breeze coming off the ocean. Spending as much time at sea that I have, one would think that I would grow sick of it all. Not in slightest. If I could be out on the water all day long, then I would. That's exactly why I joined the Navy. Plus the fact that my uncle, Joe, was a staple in the Naval community training future SEALs. He had even trained Steve.

A small smile crossed my face thinking about them; Joe and Steve were a big part of why I joined the Navy. They had been kicking my butt since I was a kid, and I had to prove to them I was tough enough to follow through. Steve was the brother I never had. He played the role to perfection, but I think a lot of it was to make up for the time he never got to spend with Mary, his blood sister. And Joe...he was put into a guardianship role unexpectedly, but since then he's never done wrong by me. To someone on the outside, maybe it wasn't the easiest childhood, but the fact of it was Joe was a retired Navy SEAL that trained other SEALs. Anything less than tough would have been a disgrace, but I know Joe loved me despite the fact that his parenting skills were a bit unconventional.

"I swear you and McGarrett have to be related," a distinct feminine voice stated from my left. I turned my gaze from the ocean over to where Catherine Rollins had come to a stop. There was a grin on her face, her straight dark hair blowing in the breeze. She was in civilian clothing for the first time since leave had started.

"Why do you say that?" I asked a smirk crossing my face at her mention of Steve.

"You both get this look on your face when you're thinking about something," Cath stated walking closer. "Especially when you are thinking of other people...A certain Lieutenant Commander Riggs on your mind?"

I couldn't help the toothy grin that crossed my face hearing his name. Lieutenant Commander Carson Riggs was a friend of Steve's when they had first enlisted in the Navy. While Steve went the route of the SEALs, Carson had decided on a different path that led him to a commanding position in Naval Intelligence. Catherine's area of expertise. I had met him once through Steve, but nothing happened until we were reintroduced by Catherine not so long ago. From there, it was a whirlwind of secret dates and leave time.

"If you must know," I sighed dramatically. "He and I are heading out tonight. A much needed reprieve."

Catherine laughed at my theatrics before slinging her arm over my shoulder. The two of us walking along the beach and back towards the city. South Korea wasn't the typical place to take leave, but it was the closest to where we had been stationed.

"You know my rules, no babies...and no doing anything I wouldn't do with Steve on a beach with nothing but some towels," she winked at me as I made a choking noise.

"That's more information than I ever cared to have on Steve, and thanks for that mental image!"

We fell into a comfortable silence after that. I knew her mind had wandered back to Steve, where exactly it went, I really didn't want to know. She had that far away look on her face, the longing that came with distance was unavoidable. Hell, I missed Steve sometimes, but nothing like what Catherine was feeling. Carson and I could at least catch glimpses of each other while on the ship, but Cath doesn't even get that with Steve stationed god knows where at any given time. At least, as an Intelligence Officer, Cath probably knew where he was, and how much danger he was in. I can't decide if I prefer the little bubble that ignorance provides, or if I'd prefer to know who and what he's up against. Though I'm certain knowing or not knowing, I'd worry all the same.

As we walked our way up the beach, I noticed a familiar figure standing there with his hands behind his back. His posture was stiff and taut, but that was just for show. His blonde hair was cut close to his head and covered with a hat. His skin was a bit lighter than mine, but that allowed for his blue eyes to really pop. I'm sure my face lit up seeing him standing there, and judging by the grin Catherine had given me, she knew what it felt like. With her and Steve on my side about Carson, I felt confident that maybe this was it. Maybe he was the one that I needed.

"Lieutenant," Carson nodded to Catherine.

"Commander," Cath responded with an air of amusement in her voice.

"Julia," Carson nodded, a smile crossing his face as he looked at me. I smiled back at him nodding in respect before he turned his gaze back to Catherine. "Lieutenant Rollins, could you please excuse us?"

"Of course," Catherine pulled away from me. "Don't have too much fun, I need her for shopping tomorrow."

Carson chuckled as Catherine waved before walking towards her government issued car. I watched her go trying to contain the smile on my face. Carson was a stickler for no PDA in front of shipmates. I watched Catherine pull away from the empty beach before Carson took a step towards me, his hand touched my cheek softly before I closed the distance between us. With my lips moving against his, this moment was perfection. I didn't care that we had to keep things quiet, Or that we couldn't officially go public with our relationship in that moment. It was just us, right here, right now.

Pulling back, I left my hand on his chest gripping lightly onto the front of his shirt. I then rested my forehead against his shoulder allowing him to rest his chin on top of my head with his arms wrapped tightly around me as we stood there. This was our first contact in weeks, and it was heavenly.

"I've got a surprise for you," Carson said his chest rumbling against my ear.

"Really?"

"Really," he nodded, pulling back so his sparkling blue eyes met mine.

A handsome smirk crossed his face as he pulled back wrapping his arm around my shoulders to pull me into his body as we walked towards where his car was parked. The black car shone in the fading sunlight, the reflection of the setting sun could be seen in the paint.

"You going to tell me where we're going?" I asked as he opened the passenger's door for me.

"That would ruin the surprise," he whispered pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I rolled my eyes climbing into the car as I said, "You're lucky I love you."

I could hear him chuckle before he closed the door and walked around the front of the car.

I watched as he smiled brightly at me through the windshield before the smile was suddenly gone. A look of confusion crossed his face before the passenger side door was jerked open. Carson was immediately reaching to his side for the piece he usually carried as I was yanked from the passenger seat. I glanced back to see who had a hold of me and caught a quick glimpse of a Korean man before I reacted. I threw my free hand out connecting it with the side of his face, causing his head to snap to the side. The man instantly reacted, throwing a punch at me faster than I could block it. My body hit the side of the car, the taste of blood on my tongue.

"Julia!" I heard Carson yell out.

My gaze snapped in his direction to see him fighting hand to hand with two more men. He had a nasty gash down the side of his face, and he was outmatched by the two men. I watched as the two men tag teamed him, taking him down quickly. It looked like they had knocked him out.

I whipped around, my hand poised to fight, but the man that I had been dealing with earlier had been joined by a second. My heart raced with adrenaline as I sent a kick towards the man closest to me hitting him in the gut, but the second guy rushed at me taking the other man's place. I felt the first hit to my kidney, before I felt a second to my chest. My feet were knocked out from under me. Seconds later, my back hit the pavement of the parking lot painfully. I grunted in pain before a steel toed boot connected with the side of my face sending me into blackness.

* * *

I struggled against the bonds that kept me tied to the chair. My heart beating rapidly as I heard Carson screaming somewhere in the distance. I fought harder against the restraints, even tried to throw the chair off balance, but the chair was bolted to the floor, not budging an inch. With my constant struggle against the ropes, blood had begun to drip towards my fingers. I could feel it cooling against my skin as it dried and smelled the metallic tang in the air.

Unfortunately, I knew the source of that smell was coming from much larger wounds, like the large gash along my hairline from the car door as I struggled against our captors, or the tiny abrasions on my cheeks as I tried to pry the hands from my mouth so I could scream, but there would have been no one to hear them.

My ribs ached from several blows intended to force the air from my lungs, and my arms burned from the struggle to get free but I refused to stop pulling. Every scream that echoed down that hall was like a burning hot poker twisting its way through my own flesh. Carson's pain was becoming mine as I feared for his safety. I needed to get to him.

I let out a frustrated wail, listening as it echoed off the concrete walls. The room I was in wasn't very big, but big enough to fit at least three other people in here. The smell of death and decay hung heavily in the air, that was the smell that registered immediately, I knew exactly where this was heading and it didn't involve either myself or Carson walking out of here alive.

We had been in South Korea, a sovereign nation. One that had good dealings with the US. There was no reason for any type of ransom situation unless this was about something else, or perhaps we'd been taken somewhere else. Somewhere like North Korea, which wouldn't bode well for us given the relationship or lack thereof with the United States, especially since we were both US military.

The rusted metal door burst open slamming against the concrete wall. I stopped struggling when I saw the muscled man standing in front of me. I could feel my body slink back into the chair as I tried to move as far away from him as possible. There was no emotion on his face as he pointed a gun at me, a gun that was fitted with a silencer I noted. I'm not sure which was worse, the fact that we might die or the fact that we were possibly in a country that made it unlikely anyone would come looking for us, regardless of whether we ended up dead or alive. I had no real family left to miss me, just my uncle Joe, Steve and John, but if Carson dies here his mother would never know what happened. There would be no body to bury.

My thoughts dissipated as the gunman approached and cut my bindings, motioning with his gun in hand for me to stand. I slowly got to my feet feeling my legs wobble beneath me. Once I found my strength and regained my center of balance, my right hand shot out knocking the gun from his hands. The shock was evident of his face as I sent my best roundhouse kick careening into his left cheek.

The man hit the ground hard, his head colliding sharply with the dirt as I dove for the gun. I landed on my side skidding to a halt and feeling the burn as the dirt bit into my shoulder. Somehow, I managed to grab the weapon and point it at the man before pulling the trigger, one shot to the head, just like Steve and Joe taught me. I waited a beat without so much as a breath until I was sure no one was coming to investigate. Then, I realized the sounds of Carson's screams must have drowned out the sounds of our struggle and the gunman's dead weight as he crumpled to the floor. I laid there on the ground for a moment longer, the gun still clutched in my now shaking hands before pushing myself up off the ground. My shoulder was now aching and my legs and lungs burned with fatigue. I wouldn't be able to take on an entire compound by myself with just this gun, but if it got me to Carson, together we might have a fighting chance.

Pointing the weapon in front of me, I made my way to the door wiping the sweat and blood from my forehead. I peeked around the corner making sure all was clear, the gun still poised in front of me, I moved down the hallway. Another tortured scream ripped through the hallway causing me to freeze and grip the gun a little tighter. I knew it was Carson, and he sounded like he was in agonizing pain.

I pushed myself forward not caring about how tired, hurt or dehydrated I was. I made my way quickly down a set of winding corridors before noticing two more men standing in front of a door similar to the one I'd been stashed behind. The sound of Carson's screams closer than ever, I pulled the trigger twice watching as both men dropped to the ground with fresh bullet holes in their heads, and their blood spattered across the concrete wall behind them. I moved quickly towards the door tapping the tip of the silencer on the door and waiting gun at the ready.

The door opened to reveal another man with a look of annoyance at the intrusion. That look quickly turned to one of confusion, and then fear. He slowly put his hands up backing slowly into the room with my gun trained on his forehead. Moving forward, I glanced from side to side clearing the room as we got further into the room. Then, I noticed there were two Caucasian men in there with Carson situated between them, tied to a chair in the same manner I had been earlier.

"Now how did you get a gun?" The shorter Caucasian man asked with a thick Irish accent and an air of annoyance..

He took a step forward causing my finger to tighten on the trigger ever so slightly.

"Let him go," I growled.

I was momentarily distracted as the taller of the two men produced a gun and held it firmly to Carson's temple. I hesitated for a moment, but that's all it took for the man who'd opened the door to swing his arm forward knocking the gun from my hand. It hit the ground with a loud clatter near the shorter Irish man who was quick about grabbing it up. The Korean grabbed the front of my shirt slamming me into the concrete wall causing a cry of pain to erupt from my lips before my arms were wrenched painfully behind my back and bound tight.

"Let's get this party started shall we?" the other Caucasian man stated, also in a thick Irish accent. "Anton, go get the recorder."

The shorter Irish man who had grabbed my gun nodded before leaving the room, telling me that he must be Anton. Why did that name sound so familiar? Not familiar in a good way, either.

As he left the room, I was turned around and forced into a chair just in front of where Carson was tied up by the other Irish man. I noticed a hook attached to a chain that swung ominously from the ceiling, and behind Carson there was a table set up with a variety of weapons and sharp objects, but I didn't have enough time to inventory the items before I was backhanded. My head snapped to the side, but the sound of Carson's strangled moan gave me the strength to turn back to face the man and Carson.

"Look here Carson, we've got some motivation now," the Irish man stated as Anton came stalking back into the room with a camera and a tripod. The other man stood off to the side while the Irish men took center stage.

Anton had dark shaggy hair that looked unkept, while his overall appearance stated the exact opposite, and the taller Irish man had his jet black hair slicked back with the same high cheekbones. They were most definitely related, and both men could have passed for businessmen with the way they were dressed.

Anton was busy setting up the camera while the other man walked closer to me, his eyes wandering over my body like I was an exhibit at the zoo.

"What do you think, brother?" he asked as he looked back at Anton."Maybe he'll talk if we damage this pretty face of hers."

I cried out in pain as the taller brother grabbed my hair and yanked my head back so I was staring at the old, cracked ceiling as he laid the edge of a sharp blade just against my cheekbone. He was careful not to cut just yet, but the threat was there as he decided on a different and much worse course of action. I could hear Carson yelling, but the words weren't registering once the heavy cloth covered my entire face. My mouth opened on instinct as I gasped for air through the heavy, musty fabric until suddenly I began to choke and gag on the water that now flooded my throat and threatened to fill my lungs. I tried closing my mouth but the heavy fabric and the pressure my captor used to keep it in place made it impossible to breath. I had no choice but to choke and sputter around the relentless flow of water.

I struggled hard, but one of them had a firm hold on my hair keeping my head held in place for the flood that seemed never ending. Another set of hands were gripped tightly over my shoulders holding me down as well. Just as the clouds of unconsciousness began to settle, the flow stopped and the cloth was ripped away, finally allowing me to gasp for air.

"Do I look like a man who is playing games, Commander Riggs?" The taller brother bellowed towards Carson.

"I don't know, do you?" Carson snarled his gaze fierce.

"Again!" the man glanced over to where I was sitting still gasping and spitting water from earlier.

I took a deep breath before I felt the cloth being forced over my face once more. The water began again, but didn't last nearly as long. I could hear Carson shouting something as the cloth was ripped from my face. I took in a huge breath of air trying to keep from hyperventilating.

"There are no access points that can get you through the DMZ without some serious questions being raised by both sides!" Carson snapped his eyes darting between me and the tall Irish man.

"Victor," Anton broke through the yelling now holding a metal pipe in his hands.

As soon as he said his name, that's when it clicked. These men were wanted arms dealers. Standing before me were Victor and Anton Hesse. I remembered Steve mentioning them once to Joe, but they had eluded capture thus far and no one knew how they had managed it. I could feel the horror rising up within me at this situation.

Why were they after Carson? Carson's eyes were wide and wild as he watched Anton approach me with the pipe. He was struggling against the ropes that bound him to the chair. His face was all cut up, his left eye had swollen shut at some point, and there were several burn marks on his exposed chest indicating the beating he had been subjected to before I arrived.

"See, that's the thing about lying," Victor responded nodding to his brother. "When you lie you get punished. Or should I say, she gets punished."

"Please, she has nothing to do with this! Let her go!" Carson snapped pulling against the ropes as he looked back in my direction.

I could feel my breathing pick up as Victor nodded to the other man who had slunk back into the shadows. When he rushed over and untied me, I felt the sweat start to bead against my forehead. I knew they wouldn't let me go, so whatever they were preparing me for wasn't going to be pleasant. A moment later, my arms were retied to the arms of the chair and Anton swung the pipe hard until it connected with my wrist. I let out a short yelp before managing to stifle my scream by biting my lip as the pain shot up my arm. Anton brought the pipe down again on the same wrist, and the taste of blood filled my mouth as my teeth broke the skin holding in another scream. The bone had been shattered and a flush of black and red began to spread like an oil spill beneath my skin. There was no silencing my screams now, the pain was excruciating.

"Every moment you spend lying to us, my baby brother here, will break another one of her pretty bones," Victor said as he pointed at me, while keeping his gaze focused on Carson.

"The DMZ is heavily guarded there are no coordinates for weak sectors!"

Victor clicked his tongue in a disappointed manner. "You're telling me that a Naval Commander in Naval Intelligence does not have access to high profile security coordinates? That there isn't a single weak spot?"

"They'll have you pegged the moment you step into the zone!" Carson yelled, his gaze locked onto mine as the tears ran down my cheeks. "The only way to get out of North Korea is to get smuggled out to international waters!"

"You think we haven't thought about that already? I need free passage into South Korea."

Victor nodded to Anton who held the pipe hovering above the shoulder that burned already, thanks to my shattered wrist and swung hard. The pain shot through my shoulder ripping through my entire body. I bit my lip again, turning my head away to keep Carson from seeing the blood that now ran freely from my lip and down my chin. Carson's screams echoed through the room, breaking my heart. This was all about getting out of North Korea? Why? What were they trying to accomplish?

"You don't know about the weak spots..." Victor said to Carson as Anton cracked my ribs with the pipe.

I bit back my scream as Anton continued to hit my body with the pipe every time his brother would nod in his direction. "You don't know anything about the Yakuza? How can you so blatantly lie when her life hangs in the balance?"

"Stop!" Carson's strangled yell was cut off by Victor backhanding him hard and leaving another cut across his cheek.

Victor smiled darkly as he wiped the blood and flesh that was clinging to the ring on his right hand.

"Your ID was used to access a file full of coordinates that my brother and I would like to utilize." Victor nodded to Anton who set the pipe down and walked over to the table that held their preferred tools of torture. "See, we don't like people playing games with our business, and you're GOING to help us, one way or another."

The next thing I knew, my body was being hauled off the chair. I glanced back seeing the other man had cut the ropes and shoved me hard against the wall as Anton ran his fingers over the tools on the table, finally settling on what appeared to be a whip of some kind.

The sweat that had formed earlier began to chill as I realized what was coming. I hadn't noticed the shackles embedded in the wall until just now, as the third man closed the first one tightly around my uninjured wrist I started to struggle a moment later when I realized he was going for my shattered wrist. The agonized screams that ripped from my throat couldn't be stopped as he grabbed my left arm shoving my damaged wrist into the shackle and closing it with unnecessary force. I wasn't ignorant, I knew what was coming.

"Every time you lie, she gets a new mark to mar that beautiful skin."

When I heard the questions about the Yakuza, the Japanese version of the mafia, I felt the dread begin to rise in my stomach. The Navy had been keeping an eye on the organization since an incident occurred where they were connected to narcotics and weapons trafficking into Hawaii before shipping to the mainland. Their merchandise had been popping up in several U.S. run zones making the government take notice. Apparently the Hesse Brothers were in bed with men they wanted nothing to do with. Dangerous men.

I let out a sharp breath when I felt the shirt being ripped to expose my back. It was hotter than hell in the room, but I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through my body. I closed my eyes as I pressed my hands against the wall. The shouting behind me stopped when the crack of the whip met my ears. I grunted feeling the sharp sting of the leather and slicing through my skin like a hot knife through butter.

"STOP!" Carson pleaded.

"Tell me what I want to know and it will stop!" Victor yelled.

"They're trafficking drugs through Hawaii in exchange for weapons. They're trying to secure a deal with North Korea to supply them with weapons in case of a major battle between Korea and the U.N.!" Carson yelled back; the desperation clear in his eyes.

"That son of a bitch is double dealing under the table?" Anton snapped looking over at his brother. "He's not even using our weapons? The Koreans were supposed to be our deal!"

"You're the reason we're in this mess!" Victor yelled at his brother. "If it wasn't for you we wouldn't be stuck in this hell hole!"

"I was trying to expand our reach, isn't that the goal!"

"By brokering a deal with the Yakuza?" Victor growled his focus turning to his brother.

They kept arguing like this when it was turned to Anton yelling about how we weren't needed, earning me a few more vicious lashes. Victor stopped him shouting back that killing me would mean losing their leverage. This pattern continued for a while until the pain and fatigue was greater than the need to protect my shattered wrist that now carried the burden of my entire body weight as I hung limp from the shackles. I could feel the blood dripping down my back where the whip bit into my flesh and flayed it open. Not once did a scream pass my lips, I kept my mouth firmly shut; I couldn't give them the satisfaction of hearing me scream.

The lashings came to an abrupt end when Victor grabbed his brother, forcing Anton out of the room. The two could be heard yelling at one another before the room fell into a tense silence. Victor didn't want to kill us yet, but it didn't matter. At the rate this was going, neither of us would be getting out of here alive. The human body can only take so much pain before it shuts itself down. I could feel my body reaching its limit, and Carson didn't look to be far behind me. Who knew how long we had been in this hell hole, or how long we'd been tortured for information so far?

"Julia," Carson said, his voice was hoarse, and fatigued. "Come on baby, talk to me."

I turned my neck trying to see him over my shoulder, but the twisting pulled on my shoulder and rearranged the bones that had broken in my wrist. I cried out in pain before pressing my forehead to the cool slab of concrete in front of me.

"We're not going to make it out of here, are we?" I asked.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as that thought left my lips.

"I'm going to get you out of here," Carson said, his voice firm. "They want me, and I made a promise to McGarrett that I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I intend to keep that promise."

My heart wrenched hearing Steve's name before whispering, "Don't make promises you can't keep." I whispered as I shifted my weight in an effort to alleviate the pins and needles I was feeling buzzing through my arm.

I closed my eyes letting the time tick away while thinking about what the brothers were after. They needed to get across the DMZ, but the problem with that is it was on the knifes edge of the conflict, and a single upset could send it crashing to the ground. I knew how delicate the situation was especially when it came to getting people across a demilitarized zone. There were weaknesses, but they were only easily exploitable if you knew where to find them.

"Well children, have we had plenty of time to discuss? Get our stories straight?" Victor's voice cut through the silence, causing me to flinch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him walking in with his brother and the Korean man close behind. They were wearing different clothes and looked well rested and there was an air of calm about them...How long had we been in that room?

"Go to hell," I spat weakly, keeping my forehead pressed to the wall.

"Still haven't broken your spirit, I see?" Anton asked as he walked towards me before his hands began fumbling with the shackles that bound my wrists. Once they were released the one thing holding me up was gone and I slid to the ground without the strength to hold myself up. The drying blood and sweat on my back colliding with the dirty ground.

"Get her up!" Victor snapped.

The other man jumped into action and pulled me off the ground as Anton stood by and watched with a smirk on his face. I could barely stand, let alone fight back. I wasn't a threat anymore, I was just a means to an end. I was thrown back into the chair as my hands were tied again. It was then, that I noticed Victor was holding a gun in his hand.

"What do you know about a set of coordinates sent to a man named Wo Fat?" Anton snapped.

"Wo Fat?" Carson asked confused.

"Oh excuse me, a man named Sean Reedus, a private detective out of Honolulu," Anton responded clearly not amused.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You sent him an email about a weak point along the DMZ! I have it right here!" Anton snapped holding up a piece of paper with some writing on it.

"Do we need to refresh your memory?" Victor asked.

I could feel my breathing speed up as that name came up. Sean Reedus was the PI out of Hawaii that I had been in contact with. He had been helping me track down information about something or someone called Shelburne. I had been sending him coordinates to safe zones to gain access to the areas where he had managed to track Shelburne. I met with him while I was in Hawaii. He was hired to help me locate Shelburne after my Uncle Joe had mentioned it since I wasn't in a position to take off and search on my own. Whatever or whoever it was, Shelburne was constantly on the move making it harder to track than I'd originally thought.

"I don't know anyone named Sean Reedus," Carson shook his head trying to keep the confusion from his eyes.

"Last chance," Victor spat as he released the safety on his gun that was now trained on my shoulder.

"NO!" Carson's yell echoed just as a loud pop rang out.

I felt a searing pain rip through my shoulder. I couldn't stop the scream that forced its wayfrom my throat. The pain was almost unbearable. I turned my head away, hoping that the pain would just go away. Instead, the pain wound its way through my body like a fuse while my shoulder felt like it had been lit on fire. Anton's question caused far more pain than the bullet ever could, in one second the name Sean Reedus had shattered the bubble of pain I'd been surrounded in and made one thought come screaming to the surface. This wasn't about Carson. This was about ME.

"Why don't I read it to you, maybe that will jog your memory. If not, Anton has five more bullets that he can put in your pretty little lady." Victor said with just a little too much excitement.

Sean, I just wanted you to check on the dogs for me. You know Shelly suffered a burn a few weeks ago. It's her 38th day post trauma. Use the North gate, but be careful, she's still a bit fiesty with visitors. She has to take 12 mg of the antibiotic and two 6mg pain pills, but don't forget to check the other 3 dogs. Their names are Edward, Ethan and Ellie. Let me know.

I could feel my heart sinking as Victor read the letter confirming what I already knew the second I heard the PI's name. He was shoving it in Carson's face and yelling at him about coordinates that had been hidden within the message. The problem was Carson didn't send the message, I did. I had gotten a hold of the coordinates to a weak zone in the DMZ by using Carson's ID. I sent them to , Sean, so that he could get in and look for answers on Shelburne without being detected. The problem was he always seemed to be two steps behind whoever had been sheltering Shelburne. The coordinates were 38° N, 126.63° E.

The question was, how had the Hesse brothers gotten a hold of the email?

"He doesn't know anything," I grunted turning my head back to look at them.

I glanced down seeing the blood bloom outward from the bullet wound onto my tattered white t-shirt. My gaze returned to the brothers before I forced myself to focus on Carson. I had to keep focused on him, even though I knew what I was about to say would hurt him.

"I wrote the email." I could see the confusion bloom on Carson's face as his eyes darted between me and Victor.

Victor took a step towards me, causing Anton to take a step back.

"Julia, what are you talking about?" Carson's voice was raw, and full of pain.

"I was exchanging information with Sean Reedus."

Victor crossed his arms over his chest as he listened. "I used your ID to get access to classified files so I could continue with my investigation."

My wrist was humming with pain, my shoulder felt like it had a white hot poker driven through it, and my cheek was throbbing as well. I could feel my hair plastered to the side of my face from the water torture and the gash from earlier., but none of that compared to the pain my heart was feeling as Carson's eye gave away his pain and feelings of betrayal. Carson was a stand up Naval Intelligence Officer and the fact that I had been using his credentials to access classified information would destroy him. Especially because I had been betraying my country; a country I had sworn to protect. It didn't matter that I had good intentions. It didn't matter that I had no idea who I had been helping. Ignorance does not usually equate to innocence.

"Jules?" Carson was trying to understand, but all I saw were bruises and blood from a beating that should have been my burden to bear from the start. It had been my secrets that landed us here. I didn't want to tell him and cause him further pain, but he deserved to know why we were here.

"My credentials? You used my ID? My passwords? You used me?" Carson's last question was punctuated by Victor whipping around and slamming his fist into the side of Carson's head.

"Let the adults talk!" he snapped, shaking his hand.

Victor turned his attention back towards me as he asked, "You were investigating Shelburne? Shelly suffered a burn? Clever really. You could have a career playing for the other side, sweetheart."

Anton was looking between us, a purely confused look on his face. He had no clue what was going on. I shook my head, feeling the blood running down my chin. How did he know about Shelburne?

"It seems we are getting played by the same man," Victor muttered turning away from me glancing up at his brother.

"You..."Carson choked shaking his head still hung up on that. "You betrayed our country."

I shook my head keeping the tears at bay. The way he was looking at me, I could feel my heart breaking. I knew that if Steve or Joe had been sitting across from me they would have had the same look on their faces. They would be horrified, upset, and betrayed, too.

"She's the one that's been giving us the information?" Anton pointed at me, a gun in his other hand hanging at his side. "We should kill her! She almost got us killed!" Anton raised a gun in my direction.

I pushed myself back in the chair trying to get out of his line of sight.

"NO!" Victor snapped grabbing the weapon, forcing it back down to his side, and putting a stop to his advance.

"We need her." He reminded his brother.

Anton yanked himself away from his brother sending me an indignant glare as he shouted, "Why?"

"She has the coordinates that we need to get us out of here." Victor said as he turned back towards me and asked, "Don't you Julia?"

I breathed a sigh of relief as Victor pulled the gun away from Anton, flipping the safety on and slipping it into his jacket.

"Promise me you'll free him, and I'll tell you everything I know." I pleaded glancing over at Carson, who wouldn't meet my gaze.

"You are in no position to negotiate. The last time I checked, you were our hostage." Victor growled angrily as he walked behind Carson before pressing a 9mm to the back of his head.

I struggled against the ropes as Carson closed his eyes realizing what was happening.

"How about you tell me what you know and I may not kill him." Victor said as he glared at me and forced Carson's head forward with the barrel of the gun.

"He doesn't know anything!" I yelled my voice growing hoarse. "I used his ID because the files were classified, and I didn't have access." I could see the disappointment in his crystal blue eyes. "The coordinates on the email were for passage into the country. I had to give the PI separate coordinates to get out without looking suspicious. The coordinates I gave him for safe passage out of the country were 38.35° N, 127.45° E. Please just let him go!"

Victor cocked the gun causing Carson to close his eyes. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

I heard a loud pop, but nothing else registered as I watched Carson's lifeless body slump to the side causing a shrill scream to erupt from my throat. I could feel the tears running down my face mixing with blood and brain matter. I sat fixated on the viscous burgundy splatters that covered my skin, dripping down my arms towards my bound hands. Carson's blood was on MY hands.

"I want to know everything you told your PI friend," Victor's voice was now right next to my ear.

I stared at Carson's limp body across from me, and I could feel myself going numb the longer I sat there. It didn't matter that I had taken a hit to the shoulder. It didn't matter that my wrist had been shattered or that my ribs were broken. I had gotten him killed, and the last thing he felt was betrayal. I turned my gaze towards Victor, anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

"I'll never tell you," I said softly turning my gaze back to Carson.

Victor sighed heavily more out of frustration and annoyance than anything. "String her up."

My gaze shot over to Anton and the other man. Anton cut my restraints before he yanked me up out of the chair, while the other walked over to where the chain and hook hung from the ceiling. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I heard the click and hiss of a blow torch being lit. I watched in horror as the hook darkened under the direct heat. I felt the panic begin to rise as Anton dragged me towards the hook, and I struggled with renewed vigor in anticipation of their next move. The other man walked closer, holding the hook in his gloved hand. Without a second glance he sunk it into the flesh right through the fresh bullet hole in my shoulder.

I let out a piercing scream as the blistering pain sent a shock wave coursing through my body before I was released from Anton's steel grip. The hook pulled against my flesh searing the wound before I felt my feet leave the ground. The tearing sensation in my shoulder intensified as I hung there like a prized tuna screaming and writhing in pain which only managed to embed the hook further into my flesh. My free hand reached up to hold onto the chain but I was too weak to hold my body weight up.

My grip did nothing to alleviate the pain or pressure that was threatening to tear muscle and flesh from bone. I hung there struggling until the pain was too much, a cold sweat coated my skin and my ears began to ring. I knew then, that shock was beginning to settle in around me. I felt my body rapidly shutting down, and finally my eyes fell closed. All of my fight gone.

My last vision was Carson's body slumped over in a chair, and I was certain that I was going to die right there beside him. I deserved my fate, I had betrayed my country and I had betrayed him...

* * *

**Thank you everyone for your amazing reviews! They really encourage me! Some familiar faces in this chapter and I promise more familiar faces to come!**

**ALSO...I do not own anything to do with Hawaii Five-0 or any places affiliated. I do however own the rights to any ORIGINAL characters that may come along during this story. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 2

"We were behind enemy lines," I looked down at the ground before running my fingers through my hair. "The chance of any kind of rescue was slim." I bit my lip for a moment before looking up at Danny. "I should have died out there with him."

Danny nodded. Usually he would have a snarky comment or come back, but this time there was nothing. He was absorbing the information and processing it instead of judging it and rejecting it. He adjusted his position against the car as his jaw tightened. I noticed his hand clench into a fist before it relaxed. He turned his gaze away from me and looked out towards the landing zone.

"But you did make it out alive," he responded solemnly as he turned back to face me. I wasn't sure if that was concern on his face, or if it was anger, but either way it made me feel wanted. It was a good feeling having other people that cared for me outside of Steve and Joe. Sure there was Kono and Chin, but there was something about having Danny care that made me feel like I had before Carson died.

"Barely," I muttered. "I just-" I cut myself off shaking my head holding back the tears. This wasn't the first time I had gotten emotional about this.

"Steve said when he found you...you were in pretty bad shape. Wouldn't say much more about it. You know how he goes all super SEAL when things are classified," Danny rolled his eyes. He glanced out towards the tarmac again before his gaze landed back on me. This time there was nothing but sympathy in his eyes. Sympathy was an emotion that I had grown accustomed to seeing on people's faces.

"That doesn't surprise me," I shook my head as I took a step closer to Danny. "I remember the bits and pieces and my mind filled in the gory blanks..."

* * *

**7 Years Earlier**

I let the breath escape my lips keeping my breathing as even as possible. My throat raw from all the screaming. Something about this torture was different. I screamed, but it wasn't completely out of pain. My voice echoing off the walls; a banshee crying for liberation from a hell I was sure I would never escape.

Sitting on the other side of the room, Carson was still tied to his chair. The stench of death had risen since he had died. I think that made me sicker than the continuous torture the Hesse brothers had subjected me to. I wasn't sure how long we had been in there, but long enough for the color of his skin to start fading and the blood from his wounds to dry and flake away.

The tears I wanted to cry every time I looked at him never came. It was like they had dried up. My heart ached with my body, while my body was growing even more numb by the minute.

I moved slightly, a sharp pain shooting down my shoulder. I looked down at my shoulder seeing the dried blood. The cauterizing effect of the hot hook left a nasty gaping hole in my shoulder that was more than likely going to immobilize my arm. I probably would never be able to use my arm again if I didn't get some sort of medical attention. Soon. Though that didn't really matter, I had no inclination to believe I would be making it out of here alive.

My gaze landed on my shattered wrist next, it was a sickening shade of black and blue. There was a shackle connected to my wrist that was attached to a chain connecting it to the wall. Pulling on it just resulted in more pain and I couldn't take any more. The open wounds on my back were placed against the cool concrete wall with my legs splayed out in front of me. My shirt was in tattered shreds barely covering my chest, and my abdomen left bare, the bruises showed vividly on my pale skin.

The beatings only got worse when Victor began asking about Shelburne. The coordinates were one thing, I could give him those all day long, but Shelburne was a different matter. I didn't know anything about Shelburne, just that Joe used to talk about how things were before Shelburne.

All I had to go on was the word itself and whatever the PI could find, but apparently the PI had been dispatched by Wo Fat, and I had no idea how long I had been communicating with him. According to the Hesse brothers I was being played by Wo Fat, who had ties to the Yakuza. Wo Fat was the man they were trying to get away from. Of course, at this point I had no idea exactly who I had been dealing with, but it didn't sound good.

I wasn't sure if I should believe them. They could be saying anything to get me to talk, but how could I tell them about something I had no real information on? I could make things up, sure, but that would only work until they figured out I was lying. I guess I could make a run for it. I'm sure with the shattered state of my wrist slipping my hand through the shackles using my blood to ease the way could work. Getting up and walking out would be the hard part. The broken state of my body required more energy to move than I could expend without help.

I slammed my good hand against the floor as an anguished yell left my lips while my gaze remained glued to the floor. Suddenly the sound of a nearby gunshot rang out. It wasn't extremely loud, but enough to where I could hear it through the concrete. My gaze snapped up towards the door as the handle began to jiggle. I pushed myself as far as the shackle would allow me away from the door. Whoever was coming through that door was in a hurry.

I kept my gaze on the door as it swung open violently slamming into the concrete wall. Several lights were shining into the room momentarily blinding me. I blinked rapidly turning my face away from the light. Once I had my vision back, I turned to look at what had just entered the room and couldn't stop the pitiable cry that came from my lips. Moving towards me swiftly was none other than Steve McGarrett. Filtering in behind him I recognized Freddie Hart, a man Steve had gone through SEAL training with and Sam Hanna, a long time friend.

"Jules," Steve's voice was tense as he knelt down in front of me. I looked away from Steve to see Sam heading towards Carson while Freddie remained on lookout his gun trained towards the hallway. "Jules, look at me."

"Steve," my voice was hoarse and laced with disbelief.

I shook my head as his gloved hand rested on my cheek, while his eyes roamed my body. I watched through hazy eyes as his gaze landed on my shoulder. I could see his jaw tightening as his dark blue gaze traveled down to the shackle clasped over my wrist. He set his gun down before he began pulling at the shackle. I turned away biting my lip to keep from crying out as a pain shot up my arm. I heard the shackle hitting the ground before Steve wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me up off the ground. As I was hauled to my feet I cried out in pain causing him to immediately freeze.

"Talk to me Jules," he whispered quickly.

"I can't," I groaned shaking my head weakly, looking down at my battered and bruised ribs. I could barely hold my own weight. I would just slow them down.

"Damn it," Steve hissed under his breath. "Hanna!" Steve called over to Sam, who was at our side almost instantly. "We gotta move, if she's not in shock now, she will be the longer we stand here."

"Second hostage is dead. One to the head," Sam reported before his eyes landed on me. They softened slightly. "How you hanging small stuff?"

"Just another day at the office," I smiled weakly as Steve carefully moved my body towards Sam allowing the larger man to get a better grip on me.

"Good to see you've still got a sense of humor," Sam responded as Steve hurriedly surveyed my body his hands carefully moving over the bruising to assess the damage.

Steve grabbed a hold of his weapon again with a fire in his eyes. Before he slung it over his shoulder placing both hands on my cheeks forcing me to focus on him.

"I'm going to get you out of here, okay. Just hang in there. Chopper is two minutes out."

I nodded as Sam's grip on me tightened. Steve grabbed onto his automatic tightly before nodding to Sam. We began moving towards the door, slower than we should have, but it was all the energy I could muster. We passed Freddie who nodded at me, but I immediately froze noticing no one was going for Carson.

"Jules, we gotta go," Sam urged me forward, "I'm sorry."

"I can't leave Carson-"

"He's gone baby girl, we can't spare the weight. We need to get you out of here."

I sent one last look in Carson's direction; my heart broke leaving him behind as he disappeared from my view. I shook my head trying to stave off the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, but I didn't get another word out as Sam tightened his grip on my waist and pulled me through the door.

Moving as fast as I could next to Sam, I trained my eyes on Steve who was ahead of us. His shoulders were tense; he was ready for war. My heart was pounding in my chest as we made our way through the corridor passing by the bodies the men had dropped earlier. I could feel myself growing weaker and weaker with every step I was relying on Sam more and more. I could see the light leading to the outside world, but the moment Steve stepped out an array of bullets began flying in his direction causing him to duck back in. Sam immediately put his body between me and the door to keep any strays from possibly hitting me. Steve whipped his head around towards us and began shouting orders.

"Get her to the helicopter! Freddie and I'll cover you," Steve snapped at Sam as Freddie stepped in front of us and towards Steve.

"Get ready to run, baby girl," Sam calmly told me as the sound of bullets ricocheted against the building. I nodded before Steve gave the signal and held my breath knowing this was going to hurt.

It was a whirlwind of pain and anxiety as Steve and Freddie opened fire. I felt Sam pulling my body forward as Steve and Freddie exited the building with Sam and I right behind them. Running the best I could, Sam and I headed towards cover provided by a large cargo truck. Just before we rounded to the back wheel, a searing pain ripped through my side causing me to cry out. My hand immediately flew to my side feeling the warm viscous blood pouring over my fingers. I had been hit.

"Sam," I whispered weakly before I felt my legs collapse beneath me.

"Shit," Sam immediately caught me lifting me up. "Keep pressure on it, Jules." Sam pressed my hand firmly to the wound. "We gotta move!" Sam yelled to Steve and Freddie as the sound of an incoming chopper met my ears.

I looked over to see Steve and Freddie had also gained cover near the front of the truck. Steve's eyes made a quick assessment of my injuries again while Freddie continued firing on the hostiles. His eyes locked onto the blood staining what little shirt I had left covering me, trying to tamp down the fear that was rushing over his features. I felt Sam scooping me up into his arms as my vision grew blurry. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears drowning out the sound of bullets whipping past us hitting the metal of the truck.

I made it all the way out, only to get hit during the rescue. I could feel my hope quickly fading as Sam, carrying me began rushing towards a patch of trees just to our left. Steve and Freddie were covering us, but fear and adrenaline were no longer enough to keep my eyes open. Sam was saying something to me, but I couldn't make out the words as the world began fading away, slipping right through my fingers.

* * *

I looked over at Danny waiting for his reaction. I felt relief flood through me when I saw nothing but sadness and a little anger in his eyes. His jaw clenched before he pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly. I closed my eyes briefly before the sound of an approaching jet met my ears. I knew Danny had heard it too because he loosened his hold on me.

"We're going to continue this later," he stated firmly. I nodded before the two of us turned to see the private jet coming to a stop just outside our hanger.

"Definitely," I whispered as I made the first move towards the open hangar door.

My heart was pounding in my chest as the jet slowly began to lower the side door. Danny was walking swiftly alongside me before he grabbed my arm pulling me to an immediate stop. I glanced between Danny and the jet in confusion.

"What?" I asked.

"Just promise me that no matter who steps off that plane you will not bombard them with questions and accusations," Danny stated putting his hands together and motioning towards the plane.

"Why would I?" I asked shaking my head and glancing over my shoulder to see the stairs had hit the ground.

"If you're anything like Steve, which FYI you are. You tend to get psychotic when you're looking for answers," Danny explained his voice becoming slightly pitched.

"I'm about to get psychotic if I miss meeting Shelburne, Danno," I responded shortly a wicked grin crossing my face before it was gone.

I turned away from him and stalked towards the plane. I could hear him say something, but it didn't really register as I watched Steve appear in the doorway of the jet. I could feel my heart beating rapidly as I waited anxiously. My gaze immediately locked with Steve's when concern crossed his face. He glanced back towards his passenger before making his way down the steps as a figure appeared behind him.

It felt like my heart had frozen. The sounds of the sirens faded, the chatter, the jet engines were all gone as my gaze narrowed. The woman that descended from the plane was someone I knew very well. I didn't have the connection to her that Steve had, but she had been there for me at a time when my own mother hadn't been, before I had been sent to live with Joe.

Doris McGarrett looked just like she had twenty years ago, just with a few more wrinkles. I stopped short as Danny walked past me before stopping confused sending me a confused look. He looked between me and the plane. Danny moved back so that he was right next to me allowing Steve and Doris to walk towards us, both with a similar confidence in their stride.

"I thought you were bringing Shelburne back," Danny said as Steve came to a stop in front of us.

"This is Shelburne," Steve announced his eyes fixed on me.

"You can call me mom," Doris added.

My heart was racing as the familiar icy anger began to spread through my body. I looked from Steve to Doris and back to Steve. I shook my head as Doris's cool blue gaze turned to me, recognition sparking in her features.

"My god, Julia Koehler?" A smiled crossed her face. "Look at you all grown up!"

I shook my head before turning away from the trio. I caught Danny's confused gaze once more. I could hear Danny calling out my name, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around and face him. After all this time, the truth was finally staring me in the face and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

I motioned to one of the armed officers, pointing to one of the police cars before walking briskly to the passenger side door. An officer immediately climbed into the driver's seat before starting the engine.

I had to get away from this. My past had reared its ugly head and I couldn't face it. Not at this moment. I was expecting a stranger, not the woman who was like a mother to me when my own couldn't be there. I was expecting a stranger.

* * *

My toes dug into the warm sand as I sat there. My arms were wrapped around my knees keeping them close to my body. The heat of the sun beating down on me didn't go unnoticed, but the breeze coming off the ocean made it bearable.

My phone was sitting in the sand next to me. It had been ringing nonstop since I had taken off from the tarmac. Was it a selfish move...yeah it really was, but I deserved time to process this information. Especially, because I had lost so much in my quest to find Shelburne. I should have been a little happier to see Doris alive, but how could I? Joe had lied about knowing what, or who Shelburne was, he lied about Doris' death! All of this, in order to help her escape from Wo Fat? I had lost Carson and John all because of a single lie. And worse, I had ended up on the wrong side of Wo Fat in the process.

I glanced down at my cell phone as it began ringing again. Danny's name and phone number popped up on the screen along with a picture on him and Grace. I turned my gaze away from the phone setting it back on the sand. I could feel the guilt winding its way through my veins. I had just walked away. I was so consumed with my anger at Shelburne, that I had forgotten what else was going on.

Malia, Chin's wife, was lying on a slab in the coroner's office. Max Bergman, our resident coroner sent me a message earlier. Kono is okay. Malia succumbed to her extensive injuries. Chin had been forced to choose between his wife and his cousin and he lost his wife all because of a man named Frank Delano. Yet another man who was wrapped up with Wo Fat. Everything always came back to Wo Fat.

I closed my eyes for a moment before they opened quickly. My phone was ringing, but this time it wasn't Danny. The familiar tune of Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncé blared through the speakers of the smart phone. Narrowing my gaze at the phone, Catherine's name and photo appeared. Steve had to have called her. I reached over and picked up the phone before sliding my finger across the screen.

"Koehler," I answered.

"You are so predictable," Catherine's voice came through the ear piece.

"Hello to you too, Cath," I muttered.

"You walked away? After all that, you walked away!"

I rolled my eyes before standing up brushing the sand from my body. How did I know this was coming? Of course Steve would have told Catherine once he realized I wouldn't answer the phone for him, but I would answer it for Cath.

"Let's just say, that was a curve ball I wasn't expecting."

"Maybe you should talk to her before you jump to conclusions. She won't stop asking for you," Cath lowered her voice. "I think you're hurt by what Joe did. I get that, but don't penalize Doris for Joe's mistake. Just talk to her."

I sighed heavily as I headed back up the beach towards where my car was parked. An overwhelming sense of déjà vu hit me when I noticed a man standing near a blacked out mustang a few spaces over. He was dressed in a business suit, sunglasses covering his eyes while he talked on his cell phone. I glanced back noticing another car with two more men standing next to it.

"Cath, I need you to tell Steve to meet me at Ka Huna Beach on the North Shore," I said quickly noticing the men straightening their jackets. Jackets on the beach, really?

"Jules, what's happening?" Cath's voice indicating she'd picked up on my stress.

"My past is finally catching up to me," I told her honestly before pulling the phone from my ear.

I never hit the end button as I slid the phone into my pocket. I pulled open the passenger side door keeping an eye on the men out of the corner of my eye. I pulled my boots off the seat before stepping into them carefully lacing them up. Once I straightened up, I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder's trying to immobilize my arms.

Throwing my body weight back into the man, I slammed both of us up against the car. He grunted as his hold on me faltered. I spun around, my fist out colliding squarely with his in the jaw as he swung wildly in return. Ducking out of the way, I sent a punch straight into his kidney before bringing my knee up into his groin. The man doubled over in pain falling to the ground clutching at his genitals.

I reached back into the still open passenger seat reaching for my gun as the sound of ricocheting bullets hit the driver's side of my car. Pulling my 9mm from its holster I ducked down behind my car keeping the passenger side door open in case I had to make a break for it. Taking a deep breath I slowly moved towards the trunk of my car staying crouched. As I reached the back of the car, I looked around the corner putting my weapon in front of me and firing a few rounds in the direction of the two men I had seen earlier.

Pulling back to save some rounds, I felt a sharp kick to my back. I grunted in pain hitting the ground knocking the wind out of me. The gun flew from my hands stopping a few feet away. I reached out for the gun only to have a pair of boots kick it away. I was instantly on my feet in front of the man I had 'disabled' earlier. This time he landed the first hit to my body before sending one to my cheek. The sharp pain shot through my skull as my body rebounded off the side of the car. Noticing my gun was only an arm's length away, I quickly reached for it. Once my fingers wrapped around it, I spun around so I was laying on my back and put two bullets into the man's chest.

I watched the man closely, making sure he wasn't going to get up before I was on my feet again. Staying low, I pressed my back to the rear passenger side wheel of my car. I let the empty clip fall from my gun before shoving a new one into my weapon.

Cocking the gun, I stood up and found the source of where the bullets were coming from. The two men I had spotted earlier were ducked behind their car as well. A few well placed shots hit the trunk of the car a few inches from my head causing me to duck down.

In the midst of bullets peppering my car, Steve's ringtone blared from the phone in my pocket. Soldiers by Otherwise blared from my pocket forcing me to pull it out. I swiped my finger across the screen answering it.

"Now is so not a good time," I snapped into the phone.

"How many?" Steve's firm voice came through the phone.

"Two up, one down," I spoke quickly before setting the phone down. I ducked around the car letting off a few shots watching as one guy cried out in pain before hitting the ground. I quickly picked the phone up. "Two down, one up."

"We're two minutes out."

"Hang in there, Jules," Danny's voice came through the speaker. I peeked around the car letting off a few more rounds before my gun clicked the slide dropping back indicating I was out. I cursed loudly staying down.

"May want to break a few more laws, I'm out and this guy's still coming," I replied breathily into the phone.

My window of opportunity slammed shut as the sound of a gun cocking met my ears.

I slowly lowered the phone from my ear setting it down on the ground next to my 9mm. I slowly turned raising my hands above my head. Standing there, near the front hood of my car was the last man standing holding an automatic weapon in his hands. Using his gun he motioned for me to stand up. I slowly followed his demands before he motioned for me to turn around. Closing my eyes for a moment, I put my hands to the back of my head before slowly turning around so my back was to the man.

The sound of screeching tires from the main road drew his focus, causing a smirk to cross my face. I'd never been so happy to see the familiar silver Camaro heading towards us. I took advantage of the man's distraction as I whipped around quickly sending a roundhouse kick towards the hand holding his weapon, effectively knocking it away from him. Before he could reach for the gun, I sent another kick at him knocking his feet out from under him. He hit the ground on his back, groaning as the Camaro screeched into the parking lot.

I reached over for the weapon I'd kicked out of his hands before he could grab for it. He'd been reaching feebly for it as I snatched it off the ground. I could hear car doors open as my finger tightened on the trigger. The man's eyes widened before I squeezed the trigger, a shot rang out embedding itself into the man's chest.

"Three down," I muttered as Steve and Danny rounded the hood of my car both had their weapons drawn, clad in bullet-proof vests.

"You good?" Danny asked as he stepped around the body.

"You guys got here fast," I responded putting the safety on before tossing the gun to the ground. "Figured you'd be at HQ."

"Running some leads," Steve responded as he came to a stop in front of me. "What in the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm great," I responded sarcastically. "You know took a good hook to the jaw, but I'd say I won this battle-"

"Wo Fat is out there ready to kill you AND Shelburne and you're out wandering around. Do you have a death wish?" Steve snapped.

"Well excuse me for needing some time after that bombshell! Your mother? Your mother is Shelburne Steve! Are you not in the least bit shocked that Joe had been lying to both of us for the last twenty years? And that's not even counting that your Mom has been ALIVE this whole time!" My voice rising in pitch with each sentence.

"You think I wasn't shocked?" Steve's face screwed up in that annoyed yet slightly confused thing he like to do. "My mother is alive, Julia and Wo Fat wants her dead, just like he wants you dead. It's my job to protect my family and that includes you-"

"I don't need you babysitting me!" I shook my head the anger seeping in. "I took care of myself with Wo Fat long before he was on your radar, so excuse me for wanting a moment to think!"

A sharp whistle rang out before Danny yelled over the two of us, "ARE YOU TWO DONE?!"

I had completely forgotten that Danny was standing there. I turned to look at him placing a hand on my hip as I did. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Steve turning to look at Danny as well. We must have had similar looks on our faces based on Danny's reaction. He quickly holstered his weapon putting his hands up.

"If you're done, maybe we can move this along, since there happens to be several dead bodies waiting for us back at the morgue. You know Wo Fat, Delano tag team? I'm guessing Max isn't going to be thrilled about you upping the body count either."

I opened my mouth to comment when a few cop cars pulled up. Danny pointed between the two of us before walking over to greet the officers and inform them what had happened. Hell I'm not even sure that I knew what happened. Was this Delano or Wo Fat? I turned my gaze back to Steve as he focused on me once again.

"You are not sticking me in a safe house; I'm fully capable of helping-"

"Wo Fat has Shelburne on the island and an informant that turned on him. You two are at the top of his list, and he will do anything to wipe the two of you out," Steve argued placing his hand on my shoulder. "Catherine is with Doris, I want you there. Not to be watched over, but to help with the watching."

"What's the catch?" I crossed my arms over my chest, noticing Danny was walking back towards us.

Steve shook his head as he said, "No catch. You know Wo Fat, probably as well as Doris does. You should be there to help Cath."

I sighed looking away from Steve, specifically over at Danny who was standing there patiently waiting.

"Fine," I muttered, "but as soon as we get Wo Fat and make sure Doris is safe...I'm done Steve. I'm out," I responded softly before making my way passed him. I nodded at Danny before heading towards his Camaro.

Maybe saying that was drastic, but once we get Wo Fat and Doris is shipped off to witness protection, my job was done. I didn't belong in Five-0, and there were just too many reminders of all the sacrifices and losses. Mine. Carson's. Steve's. Everyone had lost something, or someone because of Wo Fat, and I couldn't help thinking that I had brought him into their lives and put all of them on his radar.

* * *

**There's plenty more to come! A huge thanks to my wonderful beta! She's fantastic!**


	4. Chapter 3

I walked silently up to the safe house. After telling Steve that I wasn't coming back to Five-0, things had gone silent. The entire car ride, he didn't say a word to me, though he did glance at me through the rearview mirror a few times. Danny wasn't helping the situation much either, but at least he was trying to diffuse the tension between Steve and I.

I admired Danny for at least trying, but the tension between Steve and I had been there for a while now. The situation with Wo Fat and Shelburne had only increased the tension to a point where we were now ignoring each other. Were we acting like children, but everything I had done up to this point was to protect my family. I don't care about myself, as long as the people I love are safe. I know if Steve had been in my shoes, he would have made the same choices that I did...even if he wasn't willing to admit it.

"Jules," Danny's voice cut through my thoughts forcing me to stop.

"Danny," I responded turning around to face him crossing my arms over my chest. "I know what you're going to say."

"Really?" he retorted crossing his own arms over his chest. "Please elaborate."

"You're going to tell me that I can't leave Five-0, that Steve and I need to get over ourselves, that maybe being at the safe house won't be so bad."

Danny nodded looking slightly impressed with an air of annoyance on his face. He glanced up at the safe house before giving me a smirk. He turned around and started heading back towards the Camaro shaking his head as he went.

"OH!" Danny stopped and turned back to face me slapping his hands together, "and don't kill anyone...You forgot that one."

I pursed my lips amused by his statement as I shook my head. I watched as he made his way back to the Camaro where Steve was waiting rather impatiently. He sent a few looks my way until he climbed into the car. I took that as my cue to go inside.

I turned to look up the driveway at the safe house, it was a small two story house with a porch on the front. The foliage covered a good portion of the porch keeping the armed guards at the door hidden from anyone approaching from the road. Only the best for "Shelburne". As I stepped onto the porch, I showed the guards my badge before I let them search me. As the officer was frisking for any other weapons, the front door opened. Out stepped Catherine in civilian clothing, her straight black hair hanging to her shoulders. It was a relief that she was the one that came outside instead of Doris. I still wasn't sure what I could say to her, since I had been expecting a stranger, not someone from my childhood. Let alone someone I had known so well, and someone whose death I had mourned right alongside her own son and her husband! Every question I had before was gone...

"Jules?" Cath asked a worried look on her face at what I am sure is a lovely bruise blooming across my cheek.

"I'm fine," I muttered as one of the guards handed my weapon and badge back to me. I walked forward so that I was standing just in front of Cath. Though I was facing her, I was still caught off guard when she wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me into a tight hug. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her, but for some reason I didn't quite feel the comfort I know she was offering . As I hugged Cath I looked over her shoulder and into the house and saw Doris standing there her arms wrapped around herself, unsure of how to react.

"You think you can do this?" Cath asked as she pulled back noticing where I was staring.

I took a deep breath nodding my head before asking, "Could you give us a sec?"

Cath nodded as we stepped into the house. Doris was leaning against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. Catherine sent us both a look before quickly climbing the stairs saying something about checking the top floors. I closed the front door behind me before turning back to face Doris.

"Julia-" Doris started but I held my hand up cutting her off.

"Let me say something first," My voice firm. "Your secret, and Joe's nearly destroyed my life. I lost people I cared deeply for, because of this character you and Joe created. Because of "Shelburne". Your lie made me an easy mark, and that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I've watched people I loved get tortured and die for YOU. "

"I'm sorry," Doris stated softly.

"You don't get to be sorry," I responded in a harsher tone than I meant to. "You have no idea what it feels like to have to watch the people you love get executed in front of you. You have no idea what it feels like to have to completely come back from a trauma like that-"

"But I do understand that sometimes to protect the people we love, we have to make sacrifices," Doris cut me off. She took a step towards me, her eyes hardening. "I know you've made sacrifices for Steve. I know you've done everything you could to protect him and I'm sorry I put that on you, but what I did was to protect my family, too. That includes you and Joe."

I could feel the guilt building up over the anger I had come in with. She was right. I had willingly made those sacrifices knowing that I was protecting my family or at least trying to. I just never thought I would be dealing with the consequences of my actions in this way, or that my consequences would be this bad.

"John died because he was searching for Shelburne," I stated softly. "He was searching for you, and he didn't even know it."

* * *

**Two Years Earlier**

"Julia!" My eyebrows furrowed as I turned away from the blue ocean to face the approaching man. I took in a deep shaky breath, my fingers clutching the package tightly in my hands. I glanced around, taking in my surroundings before I focused on his familiar face once again.

"I can't keep doing this, John."

"I know," he nodded as he came to a stop in front of me.

We stood on the beach, the ocean to my back.

"He knows your close," I nodded holding out the package to him.

He looked around before quickly taking it and peeling the envelope open. I watched as he pulled the brass key out of the envelope before looking at it carefully.

"I pulled that out of his desk drawer. I don't know what it goes to. Look, if he finds out-"

"He won't," he cut me off, before shoving the key into his pocket and grasping my shoulders firmly. "I have a few things to wrap up and we will end this. I promised I would take care of you. You're like a daughter to me Julia. I won't let him harm you."

"What about you?" I shrugged looking away. "You're not indestructible."

John let his hands fall away from my shoulders before he nodded. I wasn't going to question his motives, or stop him from his investigation. I knew where he was going to take this, and if he pulled it off John McGarrett would take down one of the biggest crime syndicates in the state of Hawaii. A syndicate that was heavily protected, and heavily integrated into the island. If he succeeded, there could be parts of the island that would suffer from the loss of revenue the Yakuza brought in, but we would be one step closer to Shelburne.

"Keep your head up, kid." He turned and started walking away before he stopped and turned back towards me. "You heard from Steve?"

A small smile crossed my face hearing that name. "Yeah. A few days ago, he was checking in."

I watched as John nodded, his eyes seemed distant like he was thinking about something. They were staring past me and out into the never-ending ocean before they flickered back to my face. "There's a plane ticket sitting on the counter back at the house. I want you to take it and get out of Hawaii."

I shook my head shoving my hands in my pocket as I said, "I'm not leaving you here. You're gonna need someone to testify. Last time I checked...I'm all you've got."

I watched as he shook his head before his gaze shifted from me to the ocean behind me once more. The sun was starting to set leaving a bright array of colors along the water's surface. The palm trees around us basked in its warm glow. The heat of the day was slowly winding down as a brisk breeze caused goose bumps to erupt on my tanned legs.

"You'll stay with Joe until the trial starts. That way I know you're safe," he responded sternly, his gaze not leaving mine.

"I'm not going to win this one, am I?"

A smirk crossed his face as he turned away from me. "My house, bright and early!"

A smile found its way onto my face as well. As I turned away from him, my gaze focused back on the ocean in front of me. My hands in my pockets, I slowly walked to the water's edge allowing it to rush up over my toes before receding again. My eyes searched the shoreline, both to the left of me and to the right before focusing back towards the water. I could hear the faint sounds of a car engine before it faded in the distance.

My nerves began to ebb away the longer I stood there. The sound of the waves had a distinct calming effect. That key was the last clue that would surely help wrap the case up. If John could figure out where exactly that key went, this could all be over.

The Yakuza would lose power, meaning Wo Fat would lose power, too. There would be nothing left for him to hold over me, and no reason for him to harm anyone else that I cared about. I could get off the island and start living again, without the fear of someone right behind me, ready to take me out.

I was a loose end. I wasn't stupid. I knew it was only a matter of time before he decided to tie that loose end up. I had served my purpose, gathering intel on John. I wasn't proud of what I had done. I had been promised that he would remain safe and protected, as long as I reported back all his findings on Shelburne to Wo Fat. What Wo Fat didn't know, was that I was gathering evidence for John while keeping an eye on his Shelburne investigation. I had been doing this for the past year, and it was only a matter of time before I got caught. John knew what I was wrapped up in, but the question was...how close was Wo Fat to figuring things out?

"I hope you said goodbye," a thick Irish accent sounded from my right.

Those five words summed up my answer, way too close.

It felt like my heart stopped when I heard that familiar voice followed by a sharp pain in my shoulder causing me to flinch. Carson's bloodied face flashed before my eyes remembering the shot ringing out, and my face was splattered by the blood. By his blood.

I could feel the small concealed .38 in my pocket as I carefully reached for it. I whipped out the small weapon, taking the safety off and putting my finger to the trigger, pointing the weapon at him and aiming for his heart.

He chuckled as he strolled casually along the beach towards me. Victor Hesse was a dangerous man. Everyone associated with the Yakuza was, all the way up to Hiro Noshimuri. The thing that worried me, was that once you were in bed with men like this, there was no backing down and there was no getting out. The only way out was to die and they were all well known for ensuring that was the only way.

"And here I was expecting a kiss and a pleasant hello," he said as he came to a stop just in front of my weapon. My heart was racing as he looked out at the ocean like he was just there for a casual stroll.

"You know why I'm here?" He stated.

My lips set in a scowl as my eyes narrowed before darting down towards his belt. I couldn't see any discernible outline of a gun, but that didn't mean he didn't have one. I took a step back only for him to respond by taking a step forward, his hand shooting out to grab my hand and my gun. Victor wrenched the gun from my hand before I took my free elbow and slammed it into his arm breaking his hold on me. I turned, and dug my feet into the sand to push off away from him before he could recover. I only made it a couple of steps before he slammed into me, sending us both to the ground with the sand flying around us. We were right in the path of the incoming water, the tide soaking us as we struggled.

I threw my hand up hitting him in the eye before bringing my elbow over and smashing it against the side of his face. His head whipped to the side at the force of the blow before he threw his own fist, hitting me square in the mouth. I could feel the throbbing before I tasted the blood against my tongue. Before I could bring my hands up to block him, he landed a few more punches to my face until I finally I managed to push him off of me.

I turned over on my stomach as I struggled to get up on my feet and run before the weight of his body came crushing down on mine again. My heart racing and the adrenaline pumping, I let out a cry when he grabbed my arm, twisting it behind my back painfully. The weight of his body pushing me into the sand was met with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"You're a fighter, you always have been, haven't you Julia?" he said as his lips pressed against my ear with his body positioned on top of mine. "I'd love to put a bullet in you right now, but you're too valuable. You have connections to some very important people."

"You're his bitch now?" I growled as I spat blood into the sand while wiggling my body trying to get away.

I felt his hand against the back of my head, before my cheek was being smashed into the sand painfully.

"Manners, darling. See, I need your help. You're going to get me into the McGarrett household. We've got some business to tend to."

* * *

The right side of my face felt numb. My lip was busted open and I was sure there was a bruise forming beneath my eye, and yet I was feeling oddly satisfied because Hesse was sporting a similar shiner. My left arm was sore from being twisted behind my back. Hesse had known just the amount of pressure he had to exert to maximize my discomfort; my arm felt useless. I was certain that if he'd applied just a little more pressure, my shoulder would have been dislocated. Though it didn't take much to cause discomfort to that shoulder. A fact that Hesse was well aware of given his role in my original injury.

I shouldn't have let him get the jump on me. I knew better than to turn my back on an attacker.

I stood there in front of John McGarrett's doorway. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to keep from yelling out to John who was inside. His car was in the drive, and the windows were slightly open allowing the ocean breeze to fill the house. My bruised knuckles reached out rapping on the door firmly, three times. I took a step back glancing behind me noticing that Hesse and his men were moving in. I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes before turning to face the door as it was pulled open. John stood there a smile on his face before he began taking in the battered state of my face.

"Jules-"

"I'm sorry, John," I said, my voice breaking as Hesse appeared behind me.

John moved away from the door and towards the table just next to the door for the .38 he kept there.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Hesse said. The sound of his own gun cocking made me cringe as he rested it up near the side of my head. "Unless you'd like to see whether or not her brain is as pretty as her face, then I suggest you take a step back."

John's gaze met mine. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to do something, but with a gun to my head, his options were pretty limited.

"I don't have all day!" Hesse snapped, pushing the gun a little closer to the back of my head.

John put his hands up in surrender as I stepped through the door with Hesse right behind me; his men crawled in after us quickly setting up their stations. I looked over at John who had a steely look on his face as his eyes met mine. I knew what he wanted to do and I wasn't too keen on the idea, especially since I was the one with a gun to my head. I blinked once letting him know that I was ready.

I watched as John threw his fist out at the man standing to his left knocking the guy into the wall. I brought my elbow back, nailing Victor in the stomach. I spun around quickly pushing the gun away from my body before landing another hit to his cheek. I could feel the satisfaction bubbling up inside me until I turned to see John looking a little worse for wear as the man closest to him had landed a punch, causing his lip to split sending blood pouring down his chin. I turned back to Hesse just in time to see him righting himself and training his gun on me once more. I had turned my back on him...again! The loud, and all too familiar sound of a gunshot rang out. Popping in my ears before a searing pain ripped through my left shoulder.

A cry fell from my lips before I felt my body hit the ground. The pain ripped through my body, bringing with it flashes of the torture I'd suffered years ago flowing through my mind, much like the blood that now flowed over my fingers that were pressed to my shoulder.

The ringing in my ears made it impossible for me to make out what was being said around me. My eyes were clamped shut as I tried, and failed to control the pain. He had shot the shoulder he had so many years before, near the scars that marked my tanned skin. I cried out again as my body was yanked up off the ground.

My shoulder hit the back of the chair causing another yelp to leave my lips. I could feel the blood dripping down my skin and saturating the top of the tank top I had on. I scanned the room until I saw a bloodied and beaten John tied to a chair. The chair was positioned just across from mine, so John and I were facing each other as someone tied my hands to the arms of the chair. I pulled against the ropes trying to get to the nearly unconscious man. The overwhelming sense of déjà vu was setting in as I took in his injuries and the situation I'd found myself in again.

This was my fault. I was the reason he was sitting here beaten and bloody.

I parted my lips to say something, but the handle of the gun connected with my temple disorienting me even further. I could hear someone talking but the words weren't making any sense. I struggled to keep my eyes open and on John as a phone was shoved up against the side of my face.

"Talk," Hesse snapped. His cheek was red from my hits and he looked less than thrilled.

"Hello?" I asked groggily, not at all sure who I was expecting on the other end of the call.

"Julia? Are you okay?" Steve's voice came through crackling slightly.

"I'm sorry, Steve." I said before the phone was pulled from my ear.

"Release my brother, or I'll put another bullet in her," Hesse spoke while pointing the gun at me.

My eyes widened as the gun hovered over my already injured shoulder. If I took another hit, I wasn't going to survive it. I would bleed out too fast. My breathing picked up as the severity of the situation settled in. I could hear the chatter of someone on the other side of the phone. I heard the hammer coming back on the weapon causing me to close my eyes tightly as I braced for what I was sure would follow.

I let out a piercing screaming as the pain ripped through my shoulder like someone had just stuck a red hot poker through it while twisting it. I looked down at my left shoulder and saw that Hesse had his gun pressed against the wound digging it into the already damaged flesh. There was a bullet hole in the ground next to my chair. It had all been for show.

"I warned you, Steve." Hesse said casually into the phone as he pressed the gun harder into my shoulder causing another yelp to escape my lips before I could stop it.

I looked over at John, my heart breaking seeing the look in his eyes. I had been here before. I was trying my best to keep Carson's face out of my head, but every time I looked at John all I could see was Carson, and his disappointment in me. It was years ago, but this felt too much like history repeating for my liking.

John was usually the man in control of the situation, and the moment I had gotten shot, he'd lost that. It wasn't his fault, but just by the look on his face, I knew that's exactly how he felt. He was watching a person he swore to protect suffer right in front of him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would eventually be taken out, but why was Hesse here? Was it under Wo Fat's order or was it really to save his brother?

I watched as Victor put the phone up to John's ear after John nearly begged him. "Listen to me, champ," were his words to Steve. My eyes narrowed at the older man across from me as the blood and sweat mixed before falling down the side of his face. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I love you, son. I didn't say it enough," John spoke to Steve.

John's eyes met mine and I nodded slightly knowing what he said next was probably going to sign our death sentences.

"Whatever these people want, Steve, don't you give it to 'em! Don't you give it to 'em!"

I let out another yell as the man backhanded John with the butt of his gun. I tried pulling away from the chair, but I immediately stopped as another agonizing pain ripped through my shoulder. John hung there limply for a minute before he raised his head, his eyes meeting mine. Victor was yelling at Steve through the phone.

"John!" I pulled against the chair even though I felt my strength rapidly fading. The more blood I lost, the weaker I got. He shook his head slightly, I needed to stop moving or I was going to pass out. It didn't matter. Neither of us were going to make it out of this house; not alive at least.

"Oh shut up!" the Irish man hissed clearly agitated as he snapped the phone shut. "You caused this mess."

"I didn't do anything," I snapped, my eyes beginning to droop.

Victor leaned down so that his hands were on my arms. "You think Wo Fat didn't know you were collecting evidence? You think he didn't know you were working with HPD? You're a naive little girl if you really thought you weren't going to get caught!" Hesse shouted as he stood back up before turning his attention to John, but I knew he was still talking to me.

"You still have connections to people Wo Fat is highly interested in, Julia. He seems to think that you're the only way he's going to be able to do what he came here to do."

The room fell silent in anticipation as we waited. I no longer felt anything in my arm. That wasn't good. My sight started blurring and it was getting harder for me to keep my eyes open.

Wo Fat was looking for something...and he thought I knew where it was at? What did he think I knew? John wouldn't tell me half of what he was working on, he would just tell me to collect anything I thought was important and go from there. He never specifically indicated Hiro or Wo Fat, but that didn't mean I couldn't read between the lines. He kept mentioning a big fish he was going to take down, but he never said who. Someone high enough up on the food chain to cause a mass panic.

My gaze shifted over to where Victor was standing as he pulled out his phone and put it back to his ear. The silence was deafening, but I could still hear the blood rushing in my ears. My chin fell down towards my chest, as I struggled to draw anything but a shallow breath. I could barely breathe now, and John could see that. I looked up at him, seeing the horrified look in his familiar blue eyes. Despite the anxiety that swirled around us, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Angry shouts came from my left forcing me to open my eyes as the sound of a gun cocking met my ears registered.

"What happened!" Victor snapped into the phone. "Put Anton on the phone." There was a pause. The longer the silence went on the more agitated Victor got. "My brother's dead...isn't he? Isn't he?!" Victor's jaw clenched as he looked to me and John. "Then so is your father."

"NO!" My yell was hoarse as Hesse set the gun to the side of John's temple. He closed his eyes as Victor pulled the trigger. Blood spattered the wall and the mirror beside John's now lifeless body as he slumped forward. The blood dripped from the new wound at the side of his head. I heard the blaring sirens of the Honolulu Police Department approaching, but that didn't do anything for my already frayed nerves. The tears poured down my cheeks as my breath hitched. I couldn't tear my eyes away from John, even while Hesse and his men packed up. Thoughts of my own welfare lost as I mourned the loss of John McGarrett, just as I had mourned Carson years before.

"You should consider realigning your loyalty with us, because finding Shelburne is the only way either of us will be rid of Wo Fat," Victor stated smugly.  
"You just killed the best lead you had on Shelburne!" I shouted at his retreating figure.

Dark black spots were quickly crowding my vision as the front door slammed shut. First my peripheral vision, but it wasn't long before the spots began to invade my entire field of vision. I could hear the sound of the front door slamming shut before my head fell forwardlanding against my chest. All the fight had left me, and this black nothingness became my only comfort. It was easier to just give in.

* * *

**Present Time**

I was sitting on the couch, my elbows propped up on my knees. Doris was sitting in the recliner across from me. The long winded explanation of how we had gotten to this point left my mind reeling. Doris was like me, just trying to protect her family and in the process people she cared about got caught in the crossfire. I never wanted to compare myself to her, but how could I not? It turns out we aren't as different as I thought.

"You have every reason not to trust me, but you still have time to turn things around," Doris said as she leaned forward her eyes locking with mine.

"Look, I appreciate the history lesson, but there's too much blood spilled to erase what's happened. That's never going to change."

"You're right," Doris said with a nod. "I never meant to drag any of you into this."

I nodded not sure of what I should say next. I wanted to be angry with her, I wanted to yell at her about her poor choices, but I wasn't one to judge. I had made some pretty bad decisions, too.

"How are we doing down here?" Cath's voice broke through the awkward silence that had descended upon the room.

"Making progress, I think," Doris said as she smiled at Cath.

"Good!" Cath nodded quickly. "You guys have been talking for a while."

"Just catching up," I nodded plastering a fake smile on my face. It matched the fake smile plastered on Doris' face perfectly. I glanced back noticing that the sun had gone down. All the light surrounding us was being cast from lamps and overhead lights. We really had been talking for a while.

Catherine parted her lips like she was going to say something when her phone cut her off, she answered keeping her voice low. I watched as her shoulders tensed before she hung up the phone and headed towards the windows beside me.

"Was that Steve?" Doris asked. "Catherine, what's going on?"

"I need you both to come upstairs with me right now," Cath's voice was firm.

This wasn't good. Cath pulled out her gun and cocked it before motioning for me and Doris to head upstairs. I was immediately on my feet and heading up the staircase and into one of the bedrooms on the second floor. I had my weapon drawn clearing the room before Doris and Catherine came in behind me.

"It's Wo Fat, isn't it?" Doris asked her voice low as we stood there in the darkened room. "We've been compromised."

"Steve's on his way," Cath tried calming Doris down. "Jules we need to clear the top floor. Doris I need you to stay here."

"I want a gun," Doris responded immediately. Cath glanced over at me before handing Doris a weapon.

"Keep the door locked and don't let anyone in," Catherine told her as Doris prepped her weapon.

"And if they come in, shoot 'em," I added walking towards the window peeking out looking for any sign of movement.

"Ladies, I've been doing this since long before either of you were born," Doris retorted.

"Good to know," I muttered looking over to Cath as I headed towards the door. "You take perimeter and I'll clear the house."

Catherine followed me into the hallway closing the door behind her. Both of us were focused and silent, our weapons in front of us. I made sure I had a full clip before nodding to Cath. She gave me the cue and I headed down the hall to clear the upstairs while she checked downstairs.. A minute later, I found Cath in the living room. She looked out the front window before motioning towards the front door and I nodded and motioned towards the kitchen and living room. We split up and headed out to check in with the guards and secure the perimeter.

I heard the front door open as I made my way carefully into the living room scanning the room, my gun trained in front of me. My ears perked listening for any suspicious sounds. As I turned the corner to head into the kitchen, a fist connected with my chest knocking the air from my lungs. I felt the gun being ripped from my hands quicker than I could react.

Before I could yell out to Catherine a hand wrapped around my throat pushing me up against the wall. My feet dangling off the ground I wrapped my hands around the arm holding me up when his face came into the light. Wo Fat. I continued to struggle as the lack of oxygen began affecting my vision. My eyes wide before I watched him pull back his free hand followed by a sharp pain, before the world went dark.

* * *

**Hey everyone! I just wanted to thank those who have reviewed and added my story to their alerts. It really means a lot! Please please please review. I appreciate all your opinions and would really like to know what you are thinking about the story thus far!**


	5. Chapter 4

I sat quietly on the bumper of the ambulance watching the scene around me carefully as one of the paramedics took a look at my cheek. It stung, but it was a small price to pay for being alive. Despite the lights and the chatter between officers, I couldn't help but drown out the sounds.

I had survived. Wo Fat was right there and he didn't kill me. I knew he was after Shelburne, but he could have easily shot me right then and there. One down with one to go. Why didn't he shoot me? It bothered me. It shouldn't have, but it did.

I scanned the scene further as the paramedic stepped back giving me the okay. I slowly stood up from the bumper when I noticed Steve heading straight for me, with Doris close behind him. I could feel the relief flood through me seeing Doris alive. Steve was walking quickly towards me decked out in his vest, a gun strapped to his thigh. As soon as he reached me he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I closed my eyes as I returned the hug just as fiercely. The hug wasn't drawn out as I pulled back to see Doris standing there. In her eyes, I could see the pride and relief.

"Jules-" I cut Doris' response off as I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her pulling her into a hug.

I could feel her hesitation before she wrapped her arms around me tightly. Looking over her shoulder, I noticed Steve move off to the side where Danny was standing. I smiled over at the two getting a smile from Steve and a small one from Danny. I leaned back to look at Doris as she put her hand to my cheek before pulling it away and looking down.

"Don't let him rule your life anymore. You're too strong for that," Doris stated softly.

"I hate to break this up," Danny cut in, "Doris, we need to get you into protective custody."

"Of course," Doris nodded to Danny before pulling away from us.

I stood there with Danny watching as she walked back to Steve before he ushered her towards a car.

"You were just hugging Doris McGarrett," Danny stated looking back to me.

I rolled my eyes before looking up at the man who stood just a few inches taller than me and said, "Your point?"

Danny shook his head before shrugging. "It's just fascinating. I mean a few hours ago you wanted to scratch her eyes out, and now you're best friends."

"I wouldn't say best friends," I muttered. "I take it you're my ride home."

"Only the best for you, babe," he smirked.

I shook my head holding back a smile before lightly punching him on the arm. "Let's get out of here, Danno."

"Really? You're gonna start that, now? Steve's bad enough, now I gotta put up with both of you?"

I felt a laugh escape my lips as I walked towards his Camaro. Despite the severity of the situation, things turned out okay for once. Doris was alive and so was I. There was no better feeling at the moment.

* * *

Steve stood there in the hangar watching as Doris' handlers moved things onto the jet preparing for takeoff. He could feel his jaw tightening, realizing he would be losing his mother again. He had just gotten her back, and now she was leaving because of Wo Fat. He could feel his anger for the man increasing with every second that he thought about it.

"I-I can't leave, Steve," Doris' voice pulled him from his thoughts. "Not again. I can't."

"You can't stay here. So long as Wo Fat's free, you're never going to be safe," he argued giving his mother a firm stare.

"Well, I can't go back to Japan, I've exhausted all of my resources there. I mean your search for me compromised that area."

"Okay, so pick another country, just don't tell me or anybody outside of your handlers. There's no way to guarantee your safety if you do." Steve motioned towards the men waiting patiently by the jet. "I promise as soon as this is over, you can come back."

"How will I know?" Doris retorted shaking her head not believing him.

"I'm sure you'll be keeping an eye on things, just as you have been all these years, Doris. If not, I'll come and find you myself. I'm sure Jules would be happy to help me do that."

At the mention of Julia's name Doris looked away from Steve. She could feel the familiar sensation of guilt creeping in. She nodded before turning to look back at her son.

"Take care of her, Steve. You're all she has left."

Steve nodded. "I know. Don't worry about Jules, I won't let anything happen to her."

Doris nodded before pulling Steve into an embrace. She was holding back her tears the best she could as Steve returned the gesture.

"I'm so sorry," she stated softly into his ear her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment as he held onto Doris. His eyes opened as she pulled away taking his hands in hers. He could see the tears gathering in her eyes and knew that dragging this out any longer was only going to make letting go harder.

"Goodbye Mom."

"Just because I wasn't around, doesn't mean I wasn't your mother. I never stopped loving you."

Steve kept the emotions at bay as she smiled at him before turning away. Her walk to the jet was a short one, but every step was putting more distance between them and he hated it. He wanted nothing more than to track down Wo Fat and kill him. He was losing his mother, but he would get her back someday.

He watched the U.S. Marshalls climb into the jet behind her before the door began to close. Resting his hands on his hips, he stood there watching the scene with a steely gaze. This was the best protection he could offer her. It was a little easier with Jules, because they worked together so he almost always had eyes on her. Even if he didn't, there was someone he trusted completely with a lock on her whether it was Danny, Chin, or Kono. He would protect her until he drew his very last breath, and his mother knew that. They'd had too many close calls for him to lose her now.

As the plane was being guided away from the hangar, the familiar silver Camaro came driving up. Steve could make out Danny driving as he came to a stop just in front of where Steve was standing, and climbed out onto the tarmack. His mind immediately went to Julia as his partner walked towards him.

"Where's Jules?"

"She's at her house," Danny responded.

He noticed the concern flash across Steve's face before Danny put his hands up.

"Relax, she is in good hands. Kono offered to stay with her for a little while before she headed home."

Steve nodded as a silence descended upon them. The rising sun casting a warm glow over the area allowing Steve to see how tense Danny really was. He seemed to be bursting to say something, but was holding back in light of the situation. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve noticed Danny's continuous fidgeting before he finally decided he needed to know what was wrong.

"You okay?"

Danny sighed before turning to face Steve. "Your mother said that she exchanged gunfire with Wo Fat, right?"

"Yeah, right before he escaped out the window. Why?"

"Crime lab just finished processing the safe house and found evidence of only one weapon being fired in that bedroom," Danny stated as he glanced out at the plane as it got ready to take off before looking back to Steve. "Ballistics matched it to the gun that Catherine gave Doris. All three slugs were pulled out of the floor. So either your mother is a terrible shot or she deliberately tried not to shoot Wo Fat."

"You're saying she let him get away."

"No. I'm saying, why didn't she kill him when she had the chance? I'm also wondering why Wo Fat didn't kill Jules when he had the chance?"

* * *

I pushed my body forward, ignoring the strain it placed on my muscles. My shoes left impressions in the sand as I went, showing my path across the beach. The tide would come up over the impressions washing them away. If only washing away memories were that easy.

The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon showering the area around me in a warm glow. The cliff sides I had been running along were bathed in a pinkish orange glow that usually made me feel warm and calm inside. Not this time.

I finally slowed down before I came to a complete stop. Putting my hands on my knees I stood there bent over breathing heavily, and trying not to think about the previous nights. Ever since the safe house catastrophe, I had found it hard to sleep. Even when I did sleep, I could still see Wo Fat there in my mind, ready to kill me. If I wasn't dreaming about Wo Fat, I was dreaming about Carson's death. Sometimes instead of it being Carson dying, it was Steve.

I let my body collapse to the ground, so I was sitting there staring out at the ocean. Last night's dreams were the worst by far. This time, it was Wo Fat torturing us instead of the Hesse Brothers, and instead of Steve or Carson, it was Danny who had been sitting across from me. His blood running down his face from a fresh bullet hole. I closed my eyes tightly shaking my head and taking a deep breath. My heart clenched at the thought of losing him like that, too.

I slowly came to a standing position, brushing the sand off the best that I could as I started making my way back in the direction I came from. Steve's house was just a few miles up the beach, so I could get him to drive me back to my apartment.

Maybe going to Steve's was a bad idea, I knew I looked like crap. I hadn't gotten any sleep the past few nights and I've been exercising more than I should have been given my near constant state of exhaustion.

I sighed walking a little further before I reached the main beach. I walked up towards the road that I had jogged in on. I had one of two choices. I could suck it up and call Steve, who was probably with Catherine...or I could call Danny. Kono and Chin were out of the question, especially with Malia's death. I sighed pulling out my cell phone.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Danny answered sounding groggy like I had just woke him up.

"Hey Danny," I spoke into the phone.

I could hear shuffling before I heard his voice again.

"What's wrong?"

"I need a ride," I responded looking around.

"Where's your car?"

"At my apartment..." I responded slowly.

"Why aren't you at your apartment, with your car at...6:15 in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep," I answered honestly. I bit my lip as I walked along the roadway towards the Kalanianaole Highway. "I'm at Paiko Lagoon."

"I'm on my way," his voice came through the phone after a moment of silence.

I could hear him moving around his place as he talked.

"Hey Danny."

"Yeah?" he asked the sound of the front door closing met my ears.

"Thank you," I stated softly as I came to a stop along the side of the road.

"Anything for you, babe."

I smiled to myself and couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. I pulled the phone away from my ear and hit the end button before sliding the phone in my pocket.

I knew Danny would be here in a matter of minutes, but those few minutes were enough to get my story straight. I was out here because I couldn't sleep. Not because of the nightmares, just that I was restless with the whole Wo Fat situation. Yeah, that would work. Being restless when someone is out to kill you is completely natural. Right?

Sure there were officers placed outside of my apartment every night, but they were easy to slip past. If I could do it, there's no doubt that Wo Fat could as well. Though he wouldn't. He had his chance to kill me in the safe house. He had the advantage and he just knocked me out. He didn't kill me. No, Doris was upstairs that was his main target, but why give up such an easy kill?

Doris was gone, meaning Wo Fat was either going to dedicate his time to finding Mama McGarrett or he was going to come after me. I preferred the latter, but at the same time I didn't want either option. I told Steve that I wanted out of Five-0, but I was beginning to question that decision. They were my family, and for the first time in a long time, I had people I could count on. The last two years have been some of the best, and hardest times of my life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The sound of an approaching engine met my ears as I turned towards the approaching vehicle. I watched as Danny pulled up beside me before parking, and shutting the engine off. Strapped to the top of the car was a surf board. Oh right...Malia's Memorial was today.

"You know most people watch TV when they can't sleep," Danny stated as he climbed out of the car.

"I think we've already established that I'm not like most people," I responded walking over to the passenger side.

"No, you're not." Danny muttered.

Danny turned placing his hands on the top of his car to watch me for a moment before he said, "Why couldn't you sleep, Jules?"

Somehow, I should have known he'd see right through me.

"Stress. With Malia's death, and Doris being flown off to God knows where, my nerves are just a little fried. So can we go?" I said with a shrug hoping this would end the discussion.

I climbed into the passenger side closing the door roughly. I secured my seatbelt and leaned my head back against the head rest while I stared blankly out the window. I couldn't meet Danny's gaze. If I did, he would know something was wrong. That was just Danny.

From the first time I had met him, he had this way of reading exactly how I felt. With other people, I could shut it off, the feelings, the emotions, but when Danny was around it was like he could see right through me, no matter how hard I tried to mask everything.

* * *

Of course Danny thought the best way to cure exhaustion was to eat some form of unhealthy fried thing for breakfast. After stopping by my house so I could change, and grab my board, we headed towards a local restaurant that was a known HPD hangout. It was a quaint little place to grab a quick bite, which came in handy in our line of work.

It didn't look busy, but the hostess kept looking from Danny to the seating chart in front of her. Like she was stalling. Every time she looked up, Danny would send her a grin causing her to blush and look back down really fast. After a few of these little exchanges, I smacked Danny on the arm forcing him to break the pattern.

The young woman took the hint before grabbing some menus and leading us back to a booth. I threw myself into the seat grabbing the menu, and setting it in front of my face.

"What's with the attitude?" Danny asked as the menu was ripped from my grasp.

"Attitude? What attitude?" I responded snatching the menu back.

"Were you jealous?" Danny grinned as he glanced over to see the hostess staring at us.

"What? No!" I immediately defended myself as the waitress came over.

She took our drink orders, then promised to return in a few minutes for our food order. Danny thanked her before turning his attention to the menu in front of him. I couldn't pull my gaze away from him for some reason. He was dressed in an extremely casual manner, a pair of board shorts and a loose fitting button up shirt. He wasn't his usual pressed and styled perfection, and I liked it.

"You're staring," Danny spoke, setting the menu down.

"Not staring," I muttered. "You just reminded me of something."

"Really? This outta be interesting."

Before I could start in, the waitress came back with a knowing smile on her face as she glanced between us. She took our orders before scurrying back to put them in so we could get our food. I turned to look at Danny, and much to my dismay he was still watching the waitress who had been helping us.

"You and Steve are more alike than you realize," I smirked.

"I resent that," he respond, pulling his attention from the waitress.

"Steve used to dress just like you when we went out surfing. Whenever Doris was busy with one of Mary's soccer games, she'd tell us not to go too far. She would always tell Steve never to let me out of his sight." I smiled as the look on Steve's face crossed my mind when Doris would tell him this.

He beemed with pride for being presented with such an important responsibility.

I noticed the smile on Danny's face as I continued, "I was eight, Steve had just turned twelve. We went to the same spot on the same beach every week around the same time."

"Let me guess...There was a girl," Danny grinned as he spoke.

"There was a surfer he had his eye on." I laughed. "We went out one day, huge swells, prime surfing. Steve told me to stay on the beach. It always pissed me off when he pulled the 'I'm in charge' card, and whenever she was around he did just that."

I shook my head trying to keep from busting up laughing. My shoulders were shaking. Danny was watching me with a huge grin on his face. I knew he was enjoying Steve from my perspective, before he was the SuperSEAL we all know him to be today.

"Before we headed to the beach, I found his board shorts and cut the elastic around the band. We got out to the beach, and I sat on the shore watching as Steve rode some of the waves. He took a huge spill and when he came back up..."

"You de-pants the great Steve McGarrett," Danny laughed.

"In front of his surfer crush," I laughed.

"I would have paid to see that!"

Just then the waitress set our food down on the table. Breakfast was spent telling stories about the past, Danny had a few amusing stories about his time as a police officer on the mainland, and I had plenty to tell him about my life growing up. I purposely avoided any stories involving Joe.

By the time we had finished, Danny was in the middle of a story about this drunk that he and his partner arrested while the guy was trying to perform songs from a Broadway musical. The waitress set the bill on the table pulling us both out of the bubble we found ourselves in. Without realizing it, I had place my elbow on the table with my head propped up on my hand as I listened. To someone looking on, it must have seemed like I was giving Danny some kind of admiring gaze.

"Damn," Danny paid the tab before checking his phone. "We gotta go, or we're going to be late."

I pulled out my own phone out and checked it, too. Crap. The memorial started in half an hour. We quickly ducked out of the booth, and headed towards Danny's car. The drive there didn't take as long as I thought it would. We pulled into the parking lot closest to the beach. I stepped out of the car and went to reach for my surf board, but stopped when I noticed Chin standing on the beach.

I asked Danny to get my board down, before I started towards Chin. As I got closer, I noticed he was holding Malia's urn in his hands. He was staring blankly out at the water in front of him, and I felt my heart go out to him, that feeling of loss was something I was familiar with. It hurt seeing the people I cared for in pain.

I reached out placing my hand on his arm, he didn't seem startled as he turned around to face me. I could see the tears threatening to fall, but he was holding them back. Chin was a proud man and although he loved Malia, he was the type to grieve in private, not out in the open.

Chin placed his free hand on my shoulder as he said, "She would have wanted you here."

"I'm here for you, Chin," I stated softly.

"Mahalo, Jules."

I gave him the best smile I could before the priest approached us. Their boat was ready. I gave Chin another reassuring nod before walking back to the car where Danny was waiting. This time he was just in his board shorts, and I couldn't help but do a double take as I walked closer. Once at the car, I stripped down to my bikini bottoms and my long sleeved rash guard, tossing my shoes and shorts into the trunk. Grabbing my board, I didn't say anything to Danny as we headed straight towards the beach.

I held tightly to the board as I stood there staring out at the ocean. We were getting ready to ride out with Chin so he could spread Malia's ashes into the ocean. It was a long standing tradition on the island. I could see several people were already paddling out to begin the ceremony, Chin included. Only he was in a boat instead of on a surf board.

I picked up my board tucking it under my arm noticing Cath and Steve coming up to the water, both with boards tucked under their arms. Danny came up on my other side with a board in his hands, too. It was amusing seeing Danny with a surf board, but I shrugged it off before making the first steps into the water.

The exhaustion I felt earlier when Danny picked me up was gone. I felt rejuvenated paddling through the rippling ocean. There was something about the water, no matter what was wrong in my life I could wade into the ocean and just forget about all of it for a moment. It was a silent retreat that I would never get tired of.

Growing up on this island with Joe, and the McGarrett's certainly contributed to my love of the water, and the comfort it brought me when I found my head or my heart were a little heavy. It brought me back to the times in my life when I felt secure, and cared for. Certainly all of that influenced my decision to go into the Navy.

I came to a stop just at the edge of the circle, and pulled myself up so I was sitting on my board with my legs hanging off each side kicking gently. Steve and Catherine appeared to my left, while Danny and Kono appeared on my right as the sound of Kamekona blowing into the conch shell signaled the start of the ceremony. We closed the circle as I held tight to Steve and Danny's hands, we watched Malia's ashes catch in the wind before they swirled and clouded the water while the priest spoke in the island's native tongue. My heart was breaking as Chin pulled the lei from around his neck, gently setting it into the water.

I broke the contact with Steve and Danny to pull the lei from my own neck. The flowers were white and purple, freshly made for the occasion. I slowly set the flowers into the water watching as it floated away. It was a sight to see with all the flowers floating into the center of our circle, I couldn't help thinking of how Carson never got this kind of closure. He was laid to rest in some unmarked hole in the ground in a hostile country.

"Hey," Steve's voice broke through the thought.

I whipped my head around so my eyes connected with his as he said, "You okay?"

I nodded, "Peachy."

"You sure? You look tired," Steve pressed as we began paddling back towards the shore.

"I'm good," I nodded, sending him the best smile I could muster. "I'm going to head back to HQ and get started on tracking down Wo Fat. See what leads I can get."

"Jules-"

"I have to find him, Steve; him and Joe."

"We can do it together-"

"I'll see you later," I cut him off paddling faster.

Reaching the shore, I tucked the board under my arm and jogged towards Danny's car. I leaned the board against the car before I pulled the door open and grabbed the towel out of the passenger's seat, drying myself off quickly. I was pulling on my shorts when I noticed my reflection in the side mirror. I could envision the discolored scars causing me to cringe, before I shook it off. I noticed Danny was heading in my direction in just his swim trunks.

"Where are you going, speed racer?" he asked as he leaned his board against the car next to mine.

"HQ," I shrugged.

"You should be going home and getting some sleep. You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I'll grab some coffee. I'll be fine," I smiled at him.

"You hate coffee," Danny deadpanned his eyes narrowing.

I parted my lips to respond when I heard the sound of the car door shutting and locking. I noticed the car keys in Danny's hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Come on," Danny nodded as he grabbed his board.

"Danny I have work to do-"

"Grab the board, babe, we're going surfing," Danny said effectively cutting me off before I could finish.

"Excuse me?" I responded my brow furrowing in confusion.

I had to get back to work. If I couldn't sleep then I needed to work. I needed to track down Joe and get some answers. Then I had to find Wo Fat, it was the only way I could move past all this. Though judging by the look on Danny's face, I wasn't going anywhere.

"You told me earlier that you haven't been sleeping because you're stressed out, and what do you do when you get stressed out?"

I knew exactly what he was getting at. Leave it to Danny to pick up on the little things.

"You love the water. I've never seen anyone who can relax in the water like you can, Jules."

My heart felt like it had skipped a beat hearing that. I know how cliché it sounds, but there was simply no better feeling in that moment. Leave it to Danny to literally get right to the heart of the matter. It was no secret that I was at home in the water, but most people didn't recognize how the water was able to clear my head. They chalked it up to the fact that I grew up around the ocean. Maybe the fact that Danny didn't grow up the way that I did gave him a better perspective.

After stripping down so I was only in the dark orange bikini bottoms and my white long sleeved rash guard, I reached over to where I had set my board. I tossed my clothes back into the trunk of Danny's Camaro before turning back to him.

I watched as his eyes scanned my body, almost in an admiring way. Maybe I was just seeing things?

"You've been working out?" Danny asked, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"Shut up," I grinned before grabbing my board. "You really think you can hang, brah?"

"Sounding like Kono is not going to make you any better than me," Danny retorted as he motioned between the two of us.

"Bring it haole," I grinned before taking off towards the water.

"Name calling, that's nice," he replied sarcastically.

I laughed as my feet touched the water, but instead of stopping, I ran as far out as I could before throwing my body up onto the board. The feel of the ocean beneath my fingertips made the world fade away and my problems started to recede with the current. I felt a weight being lifted off my chest, it was just me and the water. I took that moment to stop swimming just letting my body rest on my board as my hands skimmed over the top of the cool water.

"How are you feeling?" Danny asked as he came up on my right.

I smiled my cheek pressed to the board. I turned slightly so I could see Danny who was now sitting on his board watching me with a smile on his face.

"Better. It's like I can forget everything when I'm out here. Like the world doesn't matter because it's just me and the water."

Danny's smile grew as he watched me before he said, "You really do look good, Jules."

"Was that a compliment I heard?" I gasped playfully as I pushed myself up into a sitting position.

"Yeah it was, but something tells me you haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately."

"And what gives that away?" My smile faltered as he said that.

"You're like Steve, when something is bothering you, either you're sitting at your desk staring angrily at a computer, or you exercise more than most normal people can handle and sleep stops being a priority."

"Maybe we just function differently than most people," I shook my head turning my gaze away from Danny.

"Like wearing a rash guard out when you're not even surfing?"

My eyes shot back over to Danny when I felt his fingers on my hip. I looked down noticed his fingers were lingering near the scar from the bullet wound I had gotten escaping from that bunker in North Korea.

I hadn't even thought about wearing the rash guard, it was just a force of habit. At the same time, I wasn't proud of the scars that marked my skin, they were just a stark reminder of something I shouldn't have survived. A reminder of the love I had lost because of my stupidity.

"Maybe you should think about picking up my workout routine," I responded quickly pulling away from his touch. I patted his stomach as I said, "You're looking a bit flabby there, Danno."

"Flabby? No," he pushed my hand away before motioning to his body. "This is prime real estate here."

"No, I don't really see it," I shook my head putting on the best serious face I could in the moment, even though there really wasn't an ounce of flab.

"Really?" he responded derisively.

I shook my head, and the next thing I knew Danny wrapped his arm around me before shoving us both into the water.

I broke the surface taking in a deep breath laughing as Danny came up in front of me. I responded by dunking him under the water. Resting my arms on the board, I got ready to pull myself up when I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I let out a weird giggling yelp as he broke the surface gasping for air.

"You really wanna play this game?" I laughed, turning to face him.

"If I can handle Steve, I find it highly unlikely that you could even begin to scare me." He had that cocky grin on his face.

"Game on Danno. Game on," I stated with a wicked smirk crossing my face.

He smiled back, but mine faltered as his hand ran over over the sleeve of the rash guard where the scars were.

"You can't hide them forever, Jules. I didn't known Carson, but I don't think he would want you to keep punishing yourself for surviving."

I stared back at him as we floated there in the water. For once, the water couldn't hold back the emotions forming in my chest. My heart ached hearing Danny say that. He was right, Carson never would have wanted me to live with this guilt on my shoulders, but I couldn't help feeling guilt knowing that I had caused his death. That wouldn't change until Wo Fat was dead. That murderer didn't deserve the sanctuary of prison, he deserved to die for everything he's done.

"Maybe, I'm not ready to let it go," I muttered as I turned away from Danny and pulling myself back up onto my board.

"Have I ever told you the story of how I had to drag Steve home, completely drunk?" I deflected.

I could tell that Danny wasn't happy at the change of subject but, like a champ, he shook his head, a small smile crossing his face.

The next hour or so was spent horsing around in the water. We eventually found our way closer to the shore, both of us nursing the beginnings of a sunburn. Our boards abandoned on the beach, we eventually found ourselves sitting in the shallow end exchanging more stories.

"I never thought superSEAL would allow a little thing like you to drink him under the table," Danny laughed.

"Oh it was great. He refused to talk to me for at least the next week," I nodded.

Danny shook his head before he climbed to his feet holding his hand out to me. I took his hand without hesitation as he pulled me up. Our hands were intertwined for longer than usual, before we broke contact to grab our boards.

I couldn't shake my grin as we neared his car, the fact that Danny had taken the time to get my mind off of everything that was going on meant the world to me. He saw how the calming effect of the water washed over me, and despite how much he hated the water, he stuck it out.

After the talk about my scars and my abrupt and not so subtle subject change, we didn't talk about anything serious. We just reminisced on the happy memories; memories that kept us going. Maybe sticking around Five-0 wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

"Hey Danny?" I leaned against the car as I dried myself off.

"Yes?" he responded as he stopped drying himself off, turning to face me.

"Thanks," I muttered looking down at the ground.

"What was that?" he asked taking a step closer, but I knew he'd heard me.

"You know what I said."

Danny put his hands on either side of me against his car.

Shaking his head he smirked and said, "No, I don't think I did."

I looked back up meeting his gaze before realizing how very close he was. If this was anyone else, I would have ducked away from the situation, but this was Danny. I glanced down at his mouth momentarily before looking back into his bright blue eyes.

His eyes focused on my lips, just as my tongue ghosted over them and he leaned in closer; his lips hovering just above mine. Anticipating his next move, I began to lean into him until Danny's cell phone's sharp ring killed the moment. He groaned in annoyance before pulling away, reaching into the car for his phone.

"Yes, Steven," Danny answered clearly annoyed.

In that moment, Danny's mood completely changed as he looked at me. My gaze narrowed at the phone in his hand as he said, "On my way."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We got a case."

I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts that had just started to materialize before pulling away, "Let's go."

* * *

**Thank you for reading :)**


	6. Chapter 5

The drive to the scene of the incident was short. It gave me enough time to change into a pair of shorts and a shirt before we reached the scene. I tried to dry my hair the best I could. Danny had quickly changed into a pair of slacks and a dress shirt with the top buttons left undone, prior to leaving the beach.

The ride was silent, both of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. At least, I was. I mean what happened back there? What did it mean? Did Danny want that to happen? He was the one being all flirty, but I wasn't exactly innocent in that, was I? Fantastic! Let's add confusion to my already anxious and traumatized state.

"Jules," Kono waved her hand in front of my face. "You okay?"

"Huh?" I looked up at her noticing the worried look on her face. "Oh yeah, I'm good."

"You don't look so good," she responded. "You're shaking."

My head whipped down towards my hands; I was indeed shaking. It wasn't very noticeable, but just enough to have caught Kono's attention. I shrugged it off shaking my hands and arms, trying to get the nerves out of my system. I looked over noticing Danny and Steve walking towards Kono and I. Danny had this weird look on his face when we made eye contact, before he looked back at Steve. Just as they reached us, a police officer came over to brief us on the situation.

"Three armed men knocked over an art gallery, one guy got shot as they were making a getaway. He's holed up in that shop over there. Between employees, and customers we're estimating at least a dozen hostages."

As the officer spoke, I looked around noticing the barricades HPD had set up with several men training their guns on the store front. The SWAT team had pulled up and were filing out to set up a command center. They were hustling to get ready for whatever may go down. We were walking swiftly through the area, finally coming to a stop just behind the SWAT truck.

"He make any demands yet?" Steve asked his stony gaze set on the store front.

"Yeah. He says he's willing to give up one of the hostages if we send in some medical help," the officer stated looking between the four of us.

"Okay, if he's badly wounded, it might be safer for the hostages if we just wait him out," Kono commented.

"Yeah, I like that, the Ghandi approach," Danny stated after Kono. "We sit back, let him bleed out, situation resolved."

"He's bleeding out, if anything he's going to get antsy," I stated right after Danny, crossing my arms over my chest. "Antsy people who don't get their way get violent. If he gets violent we're going to have ourselves some dead hostages."

"Not to mention we need him alive to flip him for the names of his partners," Steve added nodding to me before looking at Kono and Danny.

"I'm gonna need a vest," Danny muttered. "Vest please!" Danny called out raising his hand.

"You don't even know what my plan is-"

"That's true," Danny cut him off, "but I know you, and any plan you have is bound to involve me and serious bodily harm."

"What are you talking about?" Steve snapped becoming highly annoyed with the behavior.

I stood off to the side with Kono watching the sight in amusement. They were like a married couple.

"I'm talking about this. Let's just say over the years, our marriage has become predictable." Danny said, as I tried to contain a laugh that was bubbling to the surface.

"You know what-"

"Okay, let's go give this guy some medical help," I cut off Steve's retort.

"Wait, what?" Kono asked confusion crossing her face.

"Yeah," Steve pointed at me nodding his head. "He wants a paramedic...let's give him one. How are your EMT skills?"

"Explosive," I responded a grin on my face as I headed towards the ambulance that waited in the wings.

"Whoa, time out," Danny's voice called out as Steve and I were walking, forcing both of us to stop abruptly. Danny pointed to me as he said, "You haven't been sleeping, therefore you are not fit for undercover work."

"You haven't been sleeping?" Steve asked looking down at me.

"Gee, thanks Danny," I snapped avoiding Steve's look.

"Hey Kono!" Steve said as he eyed me carefully.

"What's up?" She asked.

"How do you feel about bullet wounds?"

A smile crossed her face, as understanding dawned. This is what Kono was good at, not to mention she was an amazing shot.

She headed into the ambulance to change into a paramedic uniform, while I shot Danny an annoyed look. Why did he say that? Now I was going to have a worried Navy SEAL hounding me about my sleeping patterns, too. Danny shrugged, raising his hands like he didn't know what I was trying to get across.

I shook my head walking past Danny, grabbing the medical kit sitting on the bumper of the ambulance. A moment later, the contents were on the ground and I was heading over to the SWAT truck, setting the kit on a nearby table. Steve came up behind me, as we started to formulate a plan.

Steve's new plan was to arm the medical kit with explosives, so we quickly got to work. Some flares and poppers would spook the shooter long enough for us to gain control of the situation, before he shot any hostages. Once it was wired, Steve grabbed the kit and headed towards Kono. She was dressed in the paramedic uniform next to Danny. They both looked on waiting for the action to begin. Steve handed Kono the medical kit before nodding towards the store front.

"Once he opens that, he'll get a face full of flares," Steve stated before taking a step back.

Kono smiled and nodded as she turned towards the building, still listening to Steve.

"We'll be right behind you. When he opens that box, get out of the way," Steve told her.

"You got it boss," Kono stated before she began her trek towards the store front.

With his gun drawn, Steve went first towards the building making sure to stay in the blind spots so the shooter couldn't see him. Danny and I followed suit close behind him. Steve went to one side, while Danny and I headed towards the other side of the store. A number of things could go wrong, leaving Kono and almost a dozen hostages caught in the crossfire.

I could only imagine the tense atmosphere inside that store. My nerves were starting to kick up after several minutes had passed, and there was no indication that the kit had been opened. As the sound of the flares rang out, and I tightened my grip on my gun. In a split second, Danny, Steve, several SWAT team members, and I were moving into the building. Steve waved off SWAT indicating for the them to stay outside until he could get eyes on the shooter, while Danny and I followed him through the doors. As soon as he was in our line of sight, our guns were trained on the shooter, who grabbed a hostage as Steve yelled, "Freeze!"

He was starting to panic as he wrapped his arm tightly around her neck before pressing his gun to her head, causing the hostage to scream in fear.

"I'll kill her. I swear to god!" the man threatened.

"Maybe, but you're not gonna get out of here alive," Steve responded. "Now put it down!"

"Get them out of here!" the man shouted as SWAT filtered in behind us.

"They're not going anywhere," I called out. "Not until you let the hostages go."

"Just let her go, alright?" Danny asked taking one hand off his gun and holding it up trying to signal that we weren't going to shoot.

"Back off!" the man shouted at us.

"You're dying, let us help you." Steve said.

"It's not worth it buddy, trust me." Danny reasoned.

"Back off..." the man said weakly. "Or you'll be wearing her..." he trailed off before he fell to the ground unceremoniously.

I watched on with wide eyes as he hit the ground, his gun falling from his hands. His eyes were closed, allowing the hostage to run towards the safety of the SWAT team behind us. I lowered my gun as the tension slowly seeped from my body, but I still held it at my side as we moved towards Kono, who looked relieved.

"What did you do?" Danny asked lowering his weapon before glaring over at Steve.

"What'd I-" Steve cut himself off lowering his weapon. "I didn't do anything!"

I watched as Kono knelt down next to the shooter placing her gloved hand to the man's neck checking for a pulse. The hostages that were still in the building were either crying, or gasping for air before Kono looked over and shook her head.

"You didn't have to. He's dead," Kono stated seriously.

"Great," I muttered.

I didn't get a response from Danny or Steve as the SWAT team hurried around getting the hostages out of the building. The threat had been neutralized, but it was still a sticky situation. It was time to get down to business. The shooter was dead meaning we were going to have to rely on the evidence to lead us to the other men.

As the hostages were moving out I felt a hard hit to my shoulder as a frantic hostage pushed past me. He quickly apologized but the damage was done. A sharp pain shot through my shoulder and radiated down my arm. I bit my lip to keep any sound from coming out as I turned away from Steve, Danny, and Kono so they couldn't see the pain that I was surely displaying.

Holstering my weapon, I stepped outside into the humid Hawaiian air. My hand reached up gingerly rubbing my shoulder as discreetly as I could manage. Steve came up next to me causing me to drop hand immediately down to my side, despite how much it was still hurting.

"You good?" Steve asked his eyes scanning for any indication that something was wrong.

Nodding, I responded, "I'm good."

"I'm heading out with Danny, you and Kono are going to hang back and talk to the gallery owner," he stated as he pulled out his truck keys from his pocket. "I'm leaving you the truck since you came with Danny."

I smiled stiffly, as Steve set the keys in my left hand and I couldn't help but cringe. I wasn't sure why a single bump had caused so much trouble, maybe it was just a ticking time bomb. On top of the stress, and the lack of sleep, I should have expected this.

"You okay?" Steve asked, a look of concern crossing his face.

"I'm fine," I shook my head closing my fingers around the keys. "Be careful," I muttered before walking past Steve.

I didn't turn to look back at him, but I could feel his eyes dissecting my every move.

* * *

I knelt in the art vault taking in everything that I could. The vault was empty, there was no art left. Maybe the thieves were looking to make some money, or maybe they were disgruntled employees that were just trying to proving something to the art gallery owner.

"Anything?" Kono's voice broke my concentration.

I turned so I was looking at her over my shoulder, still kneeling on the ground and I shook my head. My eyes then found the vault door just behind where Kono was standing.

"It was definitely an inside job," I answered her standing up trying to ignore the throbbing that was starting in my shoulder.

"How do you figure?"

"It's too clean," I shook my head motioning towards the room. "There's nothing. No prints, or DNA of any kind. Something Joe used to tell me...if something is too clean there's something wrong. Time to step back and reanalyze the situation."

"One dead guy and a vault of missing artwork definitely indicates there's something wrong," Kono responded as she stood at the entrance of the vault.

I sighed knowing we had no more to go on than we had earlier. It was frustrating when there was no solid evidence to get us any sort of leads. All we had was some missing art, and a dead, unidentified shooter. Though identifying him shouldn't take too long. A picture of the man had been sent back to HQ for analysis by Chin.

"Speaking of Joe," Kono said as we came to a stop just in front of the gallery entrance. "Have you heard anything from him?"

"From Joe?" I asked as I pulled my gloves off. "No. Nothing. Did the owner give you a list of art stolen?"

"He's working on it," Kono looked deflated at the change of topic. "Said it will take him a few hours. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I snapped letting my annoyance get the best of me. Not to mention the pain in my arm was only getting worse. I sighed, seeing the look on Kono's face, she knew that she had gone a little too far. Joe was a sore subject, not only with me, but with Steve, too. He'd known where Doris was all along. He'd known I had been searching for Shelburne, that Carson had died because of my relentless pursuit, and yet again Joe was nowhere to be found.

"I'm sorry, Kono, I'm just stressed out."

"I figured," she said as an understanding look crossed her face while we walked towards the exit of the gallery.

I shook my head before saying, "I haven't heard from him in weeks. It's just not like Joe to leave without some indication of where he went. Not with me, he always tells me where he is. I mean Doris came back, why didn't he at least leave me something to go on?"

"I'm sure whatever he's doing he feels it's for the best," Kono said as I pulled out the keys to Steve's truck.

"That's what worries me," I whispered not intending for Kono to hear that.

"Where you going?" Kono called out from behind me.

"I have some things to take care of," I responded. "You want me to drop you off at HQ?"

"Nah, I'll have one of the officers drop me off," she smiled nodding her head. I shook my head acknowledging her before heading out.

* * *

I sat there on the examination table moving my arm and my shoulder about carefully as pain clung to the soft tissue. The room was white, but on the walls there were several posters all depicting one branch of the military or another. There were a few for the Navy, some for the Marines, and a couple for the Air Force. There was a lone Army poster as well.

"Lieutenant Koehler?" A doctor in his fifties said as he came into the room holding a clipboard in his hand.

"Not a lieutenant anymore, Doc," I responded with a curt nod.

"Once you're in the service, it's always a part of you. So I've been told," the doctor said as he smiled warmly at me and sat down on a stool.

"I guess that's one way to look at it," I muttered. "So what's the verdict?"

The doctor looked a bit taken back by my brusk nature, as he set the clipboard behind him leaving my medical folder in his lap. He flipped open the chart revealing my picture before to the medical portion of the file.

"How's the PTSD doing, says here you lapsed about two years ago in response to..." He started.

"It's fine," I interrupted. "I'm here for my arm actually, I got run into earlier and it's been giving me some problems lately."

"When extreme stress is involved usually it doesn't take long for the pain to settle in behind it. Before long, it turns into lack of sleep, vivid hallucinations..."

"Yeah, I'm well aware of the implications," I interrupted again, shaking my head. "But I'm fine. I have been for a while, doc."

The doctor nodded before flipping through my charts as he continued to shake his head and said, "In that case I recommend avoiding stress as much as possible, 500mg ibuprofen every four hours as the pain persists and we'll put you back on Ambien to make sure you get enough rest."

I knew it was inevitable. I didn't want the sleeping pills because they knocked you out. Right now, being dead asleep was not the smartest option. Especially with Wo Fat out there, somewhere. I couldn't be too careful. Not to mention, my history with sleeping pills wasn't exactly stellar.

I sat there quietly as the doctor said a few more things about the complications that came with taking this sort of medication, and how it would be ready for me in the pharmacy downstairs.

I wanted to acknowledge everything the doctor had just said, but I couldn't. Picking up the medications and getting back to Steve's truck just felt like I was on autopilot. My mind was stuck on the fact that I was being put on the Ambien again. I hadn't taken them the first time around, so I wasn't sure what made the doctors think I was going to take it now.

There was too much of a fear surrounding sleeping pills for me, but in the back of my mind I knew I couldn't keep burning the rope at both ends like I had for much longer. I was running on fumes, and the whole team could see that, and worse than that Danny was asking questions. Questions, that I wasn't sure I was ready to answer.

* * *

**Twenty-Two Years Earlier**

"Julia Cherie Koehler, you get your ass down here now!" Dad's deep voice growled.

At ten years old, I had seen and heard more anger and shouting tirades than most people twice my age. My father was a Navy SEAL, who had been honorably discharged after he was severely injured during a mission. He sustained an injury to his leg that rendered it useless, except for bearing a little bit of weight on it. Just enough to get to his liquor cabinet, and back to the couch.

Ever since he'd gotten home, he hadn't been the same. He was always angry. There were days when he appeared happy and content, then in a flash he would begin yelling at my mom and I, bulging red veins pulsed and spread across his skin as the anger simmered on. If he wasn't yelling, he sat on the couch with a beer in his hand. I learned to steer clear when he began drinking, especially when he downed the whiskey bottle.

The nights that he spent time drinking, were the nights I snuck out and stayed with Steve. It had become a routine with us, since my dad had gotten back from active duty. I would run the entire way from my house to the McGarretts', then I would climb up the vine fence and onto the second story of the house before knocking on Steve's window. He always had a blanket and pillow ready.

"Julia!" That growl was closer than it was before.

I quickly scrambled out my bedroom door and down the hall towards my parents' room. I quickly pushed the bedroom door open, hearing my father's footsteps coming up the stairs. There was an extra heavy thump meaning, he had his cane, so I quickly shut the door before noticing my mom laying on the bed.

"Mommy," I cried looking from her to the door before racing over to her side. She didn't respond, instead she just laid there with her back to the door.

She had taken my father's return even harder, because she was the one who dealt with the constant mood swings and the binge drinking. In the dead of the night, I could hear her yelling at him about something he hadn't done or something he said. Mom was trying to hold our family together, but it was hard when my father just didn't seem to care.

When we went out on public outings, we put on a big smile and pretended to be the happiest family, but behind closed doors...

"Mommy?" I asked, the tears streaming down my face as I shook her shoulders trying to get her attention.

That's when I noticed several little white pills that were used to help her sleep sitting on the bedside table. The same pill bottle had been in the bathroom cupboard earlier today, but it had been full. The bottle I was looking at now, was empty. I may have been young, but I wasn't clueless.

"Mom? Mom?" I half shouted as I shook her violently.

A moment or two later when she didn't respond, I heard a broken sob wail, "Mommy!"

It took several minutes for me to grasp where that sob had originated...with me.

The tears rushed faster down my face as I shook her shoulders hard and forcing her to roll on her back. As she rolled, I let out a loud, strangled sob as her haunted brown eyes cut right through me. They were wide open and staring blankly up towards the ceiling.

I put my head to her chest before recoiling quickly when I heard absolutely nothing, her heart wasn't beating.

I jumped when a loud bang echoed off the door. Looking from the door, to my mother's body, I quickly fell to the ground and pushed myself under the bed to hide from my father. I wasn't sure what he was going to do or if he was the reason my mom was lying dead above me. I jumped slapping a hand over my mouth willing myself to stop crying, when I heard the bedroom door burst open hitting the wall with alarming force.

"Anita?" my father's voice broke through the silence of the room.

I scooted away from the side closet to the door and towards the other side of the bed as my father's feet grew closer. I couldn't stop the tears that continued to fall down my cheeks as my father fell to his knees right beside the bed. I could hear his sobbing grow louder and louder as he yelled my mom's name.

I buried my face in the carpet trying to block out the sound of my father's cries, knowing he was hovering over my mother's body. After several minutes of his howling, I heard him climbing to his feet forcing me to look to see where he was going. I watched as he limped towards his dresser. I listened as he yanked the drawer opened before it sounded like he was rummaging through it. The rummaging suddenly stopped before a weird clicking sound could be heard. My brow furrowed in confusion as my dad came to a stop at the side of the bed where my mother was perched lifelessly.

A loud bang sounded, causing me to scream as my dad's body cascaded to the ground with a splat. A new wave of tears began rushing down my face, when I noticed the blood swirling in rivulets down the side of his head. His blue eyes staring wide at me, empty just like my mother's. I turned my head away from him resting my cheek against the carpet too frightened to move.

I wasn't sure how long I had been laying there on my stomach under the bed. My body was frozen from what I had just witnessed my heart breaking. I felt all alone. I could hear the sounds of the sirens from the police cars, but I didn't want to move. Right now with both of my parents dead, it dawned on me that this was the calmest our house had been in a long time. Maybe even as long as I've been alive.

"Julia?" a calm voice sounded from the bedroom door. "Jules?"

"Uncle John," I cried out from my position under the bed.

I quickly pushed my body out the other side of the bed, my stomach, legs, and arms rubbing against the carpet. I pushed myself out from the bed and stood up seeing John McGarrett standing there in his HPD uniform. I watched as relief crossed his face, and rushed towards him, and the bodies of my parents, trying to keep from crying. He picked me up off the ground keeping his arms tight around me, until we were finally outside.

Once the cool night air hit my skin, I noticed there were several police cars and an ambulance all with their lights on.

I buried my head in John's shoulder as he walked us across the lawn and towards the ambulance waiting. I felt my butt it the bumper of the ambulance before John pulled his arms away from me. I reached out blindly for him not wanting him to let go before he rested his hands on my cheeks his blue eyes staring right into my own eyes.

"Hang in there kiddo, you're doing great," he said before pressing a kiss to my forehead allowing the paramedics to check for any injuries.

It went on like this for a while and that's when the press showed up. There were several people with cameras and some fancy looking women talking into a microphone to the camera. I kept myself covered with a blanket so they couldn't see me. I didn't want them to.

"Julia!" another familiar voice called my name.

"Steve!" I cried out leaper from the bumper to meet my best friend.

As I reached him he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I couldn't help the tears that were falling down my face. Although he was only 14 he still knew more than I did about what was going on around us.

"I'm always gonna be here for you Jules," Steve said softly into my ear.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly willing everything to just go away.

* * *

I jumped when Steve's ringtone echoed through the truck, until I realized it was just the ringer and nothing else. Perhaps, I was a bit more on edge than I thought.

"Koehler," I answered.

"You missed debriefing," Steve's voice came through the speaker on the phone.

"I had some things to do."

"If you can't perform the duties of this job you need to tell me right now," Steve's voice seem stressed.

"I'm fine Steve-"

"Now isn't the time to play the Lone Ranger!" Danny's voice cut me off.

"You have me on speaker?" I snapped pulling the phone away from my ear briefly.

"Danny and I are on our way to meet with August March. I need you to find out what Max knows about our victim from the modified taxi." Steve avoided the question.

"Taxi?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

With the phone pressed firmly to my ear, I climbed out of my car, shutting the door behind me. The heat of the Hawaiian sun was beating down on me immediately, making me uncomfortable as I stalked towards the entrance of HQ. I knew I should have been there when the team was discussing what they had thus far, but the V.A. Hospital had a very tight schedule and I needed to be there.

"See this is why you should be there when we are discussing evidence," Danny's voice came through the speaker on my phone yet again.

Rolling my eyes I came to an abrupt stop just outside the doors. "Steven take me off speaker right now!"

I could hear Danny arguing with Steve about needing to hear the conversation before it was silenced. I had to tell Steve about the hospital. He knew I went for checkups especially with my shoulder, but I didn't have to tell him about the medication. He was under the impression that the PTSD had been taken care of years ago...If only.

"Where were you, Julia?" Steve asked the tone of his voice completely different.

It wasn't the boss tone he took when we were talking about work, it was more of the brotherly worried, yet stern tone.

It had to have been when I said his full name when he realized this wasn't the time to be snappy. Neither of us used our birth names with each other unless it was serious.

"Matsunaga," I responded pressing my fingers to the bridge of my nose.

I had given him the informal name of the V.A. Hospital in case Danny was still listening in on the conversation. I could hear Danny asking in the background what was wrong.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, Steve. My shoulder was hurting and I was due for a checkup anyway. It's no big deal. So breathe, deal with March, and I'll see you when you get back."

"We're not done talking about this," Steve responded sternly before the line went dead.

Typical. Steve always had to have the last word. I didn't lie to him, I just didn't tell him everything. Was that the smartest move, no it really wasn't but I gave Steve a reason, that will hold him at bay for now. I didn't want Danny to hear, because he wouldn't have let it go. Thankfully, Steve is laser focused enough to where if you give him a reason that ties into what he already knows, he'll take my word for it.

I walked into the building making sure my badge was clipped to my belt, and my gun resting in its holster on the opposite hip. I didn't head up the stairs which lead up to our offices though. The building housed several branches of Hawaii's government, everyone going their own ways determined to get some sort of work done.

Reaching the M.E.'s office, I glanced around noticing that Max was in the back where the bodies were housed. I didn't waste any time in the office as I walked towards the examination tables. Laying on one of the slabs was a charred body with the head missing.

"Lieutenant Koehler, how nice of you to visit me," Max stated formally before turning around to face me.

"Hey Max," I responded as a genuine smile crossed my face.

"I assume you are here for the identity of our mystery burn victim," he stated rather than asked.

He motioned towards the decapitated burn victim on the slab before pressing both hands to his cane.

"You assume correctly, my friend," I nodded as I leaned against the table that was holding up the various computers and equipment.

"I regret to inform you, that I am still in the process of melting the flesh from the victim's skull in order to get a digital scan of the facial structure."

"So you have nothing?" I clarified glancing over to the burned corpse.

"That is correct," Max nodded. "On a lighter note, have you considered my proposal?"

Smiling, I shook my head before straightening up. "It's a month away, Max."

"It is crucial we find matching ensembles, so that we can coordinate correctly."

"It's a Halloween party, not a prom," I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Unless we decide on a theme that harmonizes a royalty atmosphere-"

"If I say yes, can we talk about it later?"

"Talk about what?" Danny's voice cut off any response Max had.

I turned around to see Danny standing in the doorway. He was dressed impeccably as usual, but I still couldn't help but admire him. I looked back at Max shaking my head slightly before turning back and smiling at Danny again.

"Nothing. I thought you and Steve were talking to March," I answered quickly changing the subject.

"It was a short conversation," Danny responded with a shrug.

I knew there was more to it than that, Danny was run by emotions and when he just brushes things of usually there is more behind it. He's like Steve when it comes to avoiding things. He deflects if the situation doesn't go his way.

"Uh huh..." I muttered.

"Uh huh?" Danny asked crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay, Navy princess what fantastic deduction is your mind coming up with?"

Smirking, I crossed my arms over my chest mimicking his stance.

"I think you talked to March and he handed your witty comments right back to you."

"How's the arm feeling?" Danny responded nodding towards my shoulder.

"The arm's fine, though yours won't be if you keep butting into my private phone conversations," I responded lightly punching his arm as I said that. There was nothing but muscle in his arm. "You need to work out more Danno," I muttered quickly pulling away when I realized I had been staring.

"There's more where this came from," he responded flexing as discreetly as he could.

"Really?" I responded as sarcastically as I could.

"Go to dinner with me and I'll show you," Danny stated boldly.

I found myself speechless. I stared up at Danny completely forgetting that we were standing in the morgue with Max a few feet away. The small smile that was forming on my face was undeniable as I felt my heart beat a little faster.

"If you two are quite finished with your flirting, I do believe our skull is done permeating," Max stated, glancing between us as he picked up a pair of tongs.

"Flirting? No...there was no flirting," Danny immediately put his hands up.

"So, that wasn't flirting?" I asked the smile still on my face noting how uncomfortable Danny was getting.

"Was it?" Danny looked over at me an eyebrow raised.

Oh he was good.

"Is it strange that I find your sarcastic, unfunny wit charming?"

Maybe I was attracted to the emotion because growing up I never really had that sort of emotion around me, just tough Navy SEALS.

"You think I'm charming?" Danny asked a smile forming on his face as he motioned from me to him.

"Out of all that, the only thing you heard was charming," I rolled my eyes before locking on Danny's blue eyes.

As I stared over at him I couldn't help the smile that was forming on my face. A smile that was directly encouraged by the smile that was forming on Danny's face.

"Say hello to our cab driver."

Just like that, the brief moment was shattered by Max pulling an immaculate skull out of a boiler, which instantly garnered a look of utter disgust from Danny. The water was pouring from the skull as Max held it with a pair of tongs. Danny turned away from the sight looking visibly pale. I looked from the skull to Danny before moving closer to get a better look at it. Right, the burnt corpse Steve and Danny had found in a over modified taxi cab. The one that had a gunshot wound to the head.

"Has some good bone structure," I muttered, more to Max than Danny. "Must have been handsome."

"Indeed, his bone structure was impeccable, but you should know Julia that bone structure alone does not decide the facial features, it's a matter of the muscles and tissues of the face."

"Any luck identifying him?" Danny asked cutting off the rant that Max was undoubtedly about to set in on.

Max gave me a knowing look before setting the fresh skull on a silver tray.

"No, not yet, but it is fortuitous timing because, as I was explaining to Julia before you arrived, I am actually going to examine his skull right now."

Danny looked like he was going to be sick as he stood there staring at the skull. Using one hand, Max picked up the tray and moved it towards a small stand that was set up next to his computer. I moved back so that I was shoulder to shoulder with Danny, bumping him I couldn't help but feel bad for him.

"Why did you boil his face off, Max?" Danny asked, his voice weaker than before.

Max said nothing as he set the skull up on the stand. The computer opened onto a different screen as Max picked up a laser gun and pointed it at the skull, carefully scanning it with the thin red line that was being produced from the equipment.

"Why are you playing laser tag with the skull?" Danny asked after no response was made to his previous question.

"By stripping off the charred tissue, I am able to rebuild a computerized approximation of the victim's face by taking an accurate digital scan of his skull."

"That is actually really cool," I responded nudging Danny with my elbow before stepping closer to the computer to see the image as it formed.

"Mahalo," Max nodded to me, a grin on his face. "At least someone appreciates the subtle art of what I do."

"Don't worry, Danno. You'll understand it...someday. Maybe." I said.

No response was made to my comment as the computer began to beep. The facial recognition software had picked up a match, quicker than anticipated.

"Oh my," Max straightened up after seeing the computer screen.

"Oh my what? Do you know him?" Danny asked.

"It's Tyler MacNamara." Max answered.

"Who's Tyler MacNamara." Danny questioned.

"Only the greatest driver on the pro stockcar circuit," I responded, coming closer to make sure that was the name on the screen. "This guy was a legend before he retired here on the island...Danny, that would explain why the police couldn't catch him. They were up against a pro."

"Though it does not explain why he partook in the robbery," Max added, turning to look at me and Danny. "The man made millions when he raced in endorsements."

"Something brought him out of retirement to drive again."

"Thanks, Max!" I patted the M.E. on the shoulder before moving past him towards the exit.

Danny walked out ahead me after thanking Max. I followed him into the office and then out into the hallway. We both stalked quickly towards the elevator waiting at the end of the hall. As soon as we got on and the doors were closed, I could feel Danny's gaze on me, but I tried my best to ignore it.

"What?" I asked, finally turning to look at him.

"So your shoulder's been hurting, huh?"

"And you're an eavesdropper," I muttered. "I'm fine. We need to get this information back to Steve. Maybe something at MacNamara's place will point us in the direction of our art thieves."

"Changing the subject is not going to get you out of this conversation," Danny retorted his blue gaze full of concern.

"Maybe now is not the time to be discussing an old injury," I snapped.

"And maybe you need to stop avoiding the question. Is it so hard for you to fathom the idea that there are people who want to help you?" Danny offered as the elevator doors opened.

"What is your fascination with my personal life, Danny?" I asked as we stepped off of the elevator.

"Maybe I want to help."

"I don't need your help, or Steve's for that matter," I muttered, walking ahead of Danny seeing the doors to the Five-0 office.

The last thing I needed was Danny trying to help, when we had a case to deal with.

* * *

**Sorry for the delay everyone! I would like to extend a huge thank you to livialovesdelena. She's been super great through this whole process! And another HUGE thank you to BurnedSpy and lauraeb! You guys are awesome! And another thank you to littleanjel, LycanBeks, rheadoe, mandy-chick00, and aligal528**.


	7. Chapter 6

After Danny outed me for insomnia, things have been more tense than normal. Not only did I have Steve's eye on me, Danny was now convinced that I was hiding something. He wasn't wrong by any means, it's just frustrating that he can pick up on things so easily. At least with Steve, I can hide the signs, but Danny sees right through me.

The case of the stolen artwork turned out to be a scam by none other than August March. He conned his way into thousands of dollars using Five-0 to do it. In the process, Tyler MacNamara's daughter had been kidnapped to force her father into driving the getaway car. The kidnappers, Tony and Matt Kapule had been manipulated by March, who then shot and killed the two men. When we caught on, March stepped in front of a bus and took himself out before revealing where the girl was being kept.

The motivation behind March's final showdown involved two pieces of artwork that were worth thousands and had been stolen during the attack on Pearl Harbor. There was historical value behind the pieces, but to March it was just a pay day. Just like the diamond heist that Mary had gotten wrapped up in last year. Back then, March killed the woman responsible for framing Mary and took the diamonds, too.

The case was wrapped with March dead, and the art dealer behind bars for housing stolen artwork. Thankfully Tyler's daughter, Karen was found stuffed in the truck of a car very much alive. A rough case, but with a good outcome.

After every case, there was the daunting task of paperwork. Danny, Kono, Chin, and I were pretty good at keeping up,. Steve on the other hand was not. He was the action guy, so trying to get him to sit still long enough to get it done was like pulling teeth. Normally, it ended with me or Danny doing Steve's paperwork and just having him look over it.

This case, it was my turn to do Steve's share or the paperwork. Danny had offered, but I shrugged him off. It was done within the hour. After I finished, I noticed that everyone was still busy typing their own reports, except for Steve of course, who was having a heated discussion on his cell phone.

He was hiding something, I just wasn't sure what. I guess that goes both ways, since I wasn't being completely honest with him either. The PTSD was getting worse and the responsible party was still running free somewhere on the island. With Doris gone, I was the next target, and I was relatively easy to find.

"Hey Jules do you have the rest of the paperwork?" Kono's voice cut through my thoughts.

I tore my gaze from the computer screen in front of me and looked at Kono. Turning in my chair, I faced the printer that was situated under the window and pulled the papers off of it. I spun back around holding the papers out for her.

"You sure you're okay?" Kono asked taking the papers.

I nodded, "I'm good. I'm more worried about Chin."

Kono looked over her shoulder to see Chin sitting in his office with his door closed, just staring at something on his desk. I knew the pain he was going through. We all did. We had all lost someone close to us in some extreme way. Chin was feeling alone without Malia, and that was something that I could directly relate to. That's exactly how I felt when I had lost Carson, and the guilt made it all that much worse.

"He's tough, but it's going to take some time. I don't think he'll ever really get over losing Malia though."

I looked from Kono to Chin before shaking my head and saying, "Pain like that never goes away. You just learn to make room for it."

Kono looked over at me with understanding on her face. The entire team knew about Carson, there was just no hiding something like that. What they didn't know were the details that led Carson and I to that point. They didn't know the damage that had been done. Steve was the only one who knew about everything that we went through.

Kono nodded slightly before moving out of my office, leaving me to my own once again. Pushing my chair back away from the desk, I climbed to my feet and shut off my computer before leaving my office. A heavy sigh escaped my lips when I caught sight of a picture of Joe and I standing on the beach, each holding a beer. That was the night I graduated from the Naval Academy.

"Where are you Joe?" I whispered staring at the picture.

"If he's smart, on a beach somewhere sipping on a margarita," Danny's voice cut through the room.

"You're an eavesdropper," I responded straightening up and crossing my arms over my chest.

Was I upset that Danny always seems to hear or see things I don't want him to see? Yeah, to some extent because he'll hound me for answers and won't stop until he gets them. At the same time, I'm grateful for his tenacity and the fact that he cares about my well being. He really has my best interest at heart, but that scares me because the people I let into my life always seem to pay the price for my mistakes, and I don't want to see that happen to Danny.

"About that..." He trailed off glancing over his shoulder like he was checking to make sure no one was watching as he turned back putting his hands together in front of him almost like he was praying before finishing with, "I'm sorry."

I arched an eyebrow as I said, "Huh?"

"Don't pull that crap, you heard me," he stated in annoyance as he separated his hands pointing to himself.

I smiled looking down at the floor before looking back up at his blue eyes.

"Thank you."

"I'm just concerned for your safety is all," Danny responded taking a step towards me.

I didn't say anything else as we stood there staring at each other. I could feel my stomach figuratively twisting itself into knots as I repeated those words in my head. There was something completely heart wrenching about him saying that out loud. It gave me both comfort, and it sent my emotions into overdrive.

I walked forward, closing the distance between us before wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. The feeling of his arms around my waist sent a wave of excitement through my body. In general, hugs brought comfort, but a hug from Danny always set my pulse racing.

"I should apologize more often," Danny muttered.

I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped my lips before I gently pushed him away and said, "Don't get used to it Danno."

"One more," he laughed pulling me back into another hug this one was more goofing off than the more intimate variation we shared a moment earlier.

I finally managed to pry myself away long enough to grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder. Once I double checked my computer was off and I had my badge and gun I walked out of my office to see that both Kono and Chin's offices were dark. Danny, Steve, and I were the only ones left.

"We're going to meet Kono and Chin down at Hilton Hawaiian," Danny explained noticing I was looking over to the dark offices. "Celebrate closing the case."

"Pass," I stated softly. "I'm just going to head home. Get some rest."

"You sure?" Danny asked as we came to a stop next to the table in the middle of HQ.

I put my hand on the table and sighed feeling the exhaustion taking its toll. It had been a long trying case. The missing girl was thankfully alright, but the possibility of her being dead had weighed heavily on me. More than normal it seemed.

I looked over to Steve's office where he was setting his phone down before running his fingers through his short dark hair. He looked frustrated, and stressed. He pressed both palms down to his desk staring at his phone like he was waiting for something. His gaze then shifted as he raised his head, almost like he knew someone was watching him. I tried my best to smile at him when his eyes met mine, but it came out more as a grimace than anything.

"Yeah. Catch you guys tomorrow," I nodded, pushing myself away from the table and effectively managing to avoid Steve's stare.

"I'll drive you home," Danny stated as he quickly fell into pace with me walking towards the main doors.

"Danny!" Steve's voice cut across the quiet room.

Both Danny and I came to a quick stop turning to see Steve standing at the door of his office. Danny glanced down at me as he pulled his keys out of his pocket, setting them in my hand.

"I'll meet you outside," he stated before stalking off towards Steve and stepping into his office, a moment later Steve closed the door.

Standing there with Danny's keys in my hand, I shot a suspicious look at the office earning a slight smile from Steve. Like that was supposed to comfort me. I rolled my eyes knowing they were watching me, so I turned on my heel and ambled out the doors.

Walking through the building at ten at night was one of the eeriest things I think I have ever felt. A building that was usually full of life and people rushing around was currently filled with dead silence. There were security guards posted at the information desk, but other than that there was no one around. I couldn't shake the feeling like I was being watched, but that came with the territory.

I've made my fair share of enemies before joining Five-0, several of whom continue to plague my life. Plenty of people would like nothing more than to see me suffer or dead. Neither option is too appealing, but that's part of the job and I love what I do. I get to help people in their worst moments, my experiences on the other side of the yellow tape worked to my advantage in these cases.

Certainly, I can relate to the feelings of dread, and the numbness that followed the death of the people close to you. I had lost both my parents, Carson, and John. There was something about witnessing the death of someone that I cared about that motivated me to want to help others to gain some kind of closure that I have yet to achieve in my own life, at least with regards to Carson and John anyway.

I pressed the unlock button on Danny's key fob, listening as the car beeped. Walking to the driver's side, I quickly climbed into the car before locking the doors behind me. Immediately, I turned and checked the backseat to make sure there was no one there. Once I was satisfied that I was alone, I turned back to face the front sticking the keys in the ignition, but not starting it. I let out a heavy sigh realizing how paranoid I was being, but I couldn't help it. It was a force of habit that I had gained over the years I suppose.

Speaking of habits...my worst was procrastination of the inevitable. Resting in a pill bottle at the bottom of my bag was one of my worst nightmares. I've put off taking the sleeping pills because we've had a case that was on-going, and particularly because it involved a kidnapping. Now that it was over there was nothing to stop me from taking the little white pills. Who was I kidding? There are PLENTY of reason to keep me from taking them. Number one was the fear of ending up like my mother. She had lethally overdosed on sleeping pills. Of course, I knew better than to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills, but it scared me nonetheless. I couldn't. Then there was Wo Fat. A drug induced coma was a neon sign daring him or one of his minions to come and kill me.

Then again those were the two worst case scenarios. Working myself to death wasn't going to work. I've been doing that and it's not helping. I figured if I worked enough or trained enough, that I would eventually succumb to the exhaustion. The nightmares are what kept me up. Maybe taking the pills would take away the anxiety of the nightmares?

I reached into my bag and pulled out the pill bottle in question shaking it slightly. The sound of the pills bouncing around inside was enough to make me sick to my stomach.

It was easy to take more than a few if you didn't fall asleep right away. I don't want to become dependent on them to sleep. Hell, even after you've fallen asleep there's still the chance of waking up in the middle of the night, and then you find yourself contemplating taking another one to get back to sleep.

The worst part is when it really does knock you out, makes you groggy and makes you feel even worse than when you initially passed out...almost like a hangover. Seven to eight hours of that crap was almost more exhausting than it was helpful. What's worse is that's just long enough for Wo Fat or one of his accomplices to sneak in and Colombian necktie my ass.

These were my options. Live in fear of the possible and work myself literally to death or I could suck it up and see if the pills help.

"One night won't kill me," I muttered aloud despite the fact that I was alone.

I spun the top off, carefully pouring a few pills into the palm of my hand. For a few moments, I stared at the pills contemplating my fears as I considered taking them, right then and there. I needed the sleep. I needed to get back to a normal routine, despite the looming sense of peril that constantly seemed to be on my mind. Eventually, the fear overshadowed the need.

I quickly tossed the pills back into the bottle before screwing the cap back on. When I heard a knock on the passenger side window, I shoved it to the bottom of my bag. There was no denying the fact that I jumped hearing it. I was relieved when I saw Danny standing there waiting patiently, and quickly unlocked the doors watching as he climbed into the passenger seat.

"What is it with you and Steve and this compulsive obsession with driving my car?"

A smile crossed my face before I turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking spot.

* * *

Danny stood on the beach at the Hilton Hawaiian after speaking to Chin. When he thought of his stoic friend, he was reminded of the pain and heartache that followed him after his partner died years ago when he was in Jersey. She'd been a huge part of his life back then, so much so that his daughter was named after her even though they would never meet. It made his heart ache when he thought about losing someone as close to him as Chin was to Malia. Though he'd found himself contemplating that loss when Grace had been kidnapped, he was certain that the void left by the loss of a wife or a child was far worse than that of a trusted partner.

Danny's thoughts drifted from lost loved ones to another person he cared for as he watched the ocean roll over the sand. With Jules in the forefront of his mind, he considered the conversation he had with Steve earlier.

_"How's she doing?" Steve asked once the door was closed._

_Danny looked from his partner to the woman standing by the doors staring at the keys in her hand. Once she looked up at them, he couldn't pull his eyes away from her tired expression._

_Something was wrong, that much he was sure about. Her usually bright green eyes hadn't been as full of life in the past few weeks. She wasn't sleeping, she admitted that much and she over did it by exercising in excessive increments, and at all hours of the day. Her tan skin seemed a little paler lately and she was withdrawing from normal activities the team participated in, like going out to celebrate a case that ended well for example._

_"Why are you asking me?" Danny tore his gaze away from Jules as she walked out the doors. _

_Steve shrugged before crossing his arms over his chest. "You two seem to be getting closer lately."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Danny immediately asked defensively. _

_"Nothing, I'm just saying you guys seem to be hanging out more since..." he trailed off._

_"Wo Fat." Danny clarified, nodding his head. "She's not okay, if that's what you're asking. She's worried about Joe and Doris, not to mention she has an international fugitive trying to eliminate her. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being pretty crappy, I'd say she's a fourteen."_

"_Did she tell you about her insomnia?" Steve asked._

"_Not exactly in those words, but she did call me to pick her up at the crack of dawn because she ran as far as her legs could carry her and ended up miles from home." Danny answered._

"_You don't think there is something going on with her that might put her in danger, do you?"_

"_Like what? I mean she's paranoid, but aren't we all. I don't know, I just get the idea that she's hanging by a thread."_

"_You know she mentioned leaving Five-0."_

"_What? When did she do that?" Danny wondered aloud._

"_A few times, actually. Today, in fact."_

"_Well, you can't let her do that!" Danny all but yelled._

"_I don't want to any more than you do, but I can feel her slipping away, and I think every time I try to pull her back in, she is even further out of reach."_

"_Listen Steve, I don't care if I have to handcuff her to me, we're not letting her slip away from us." Danny told him._

"_Glad to hear it, because right now I think you're the only person that can get through to her._

"_You're kidding yourself if you think I have any more leverage than you do on Jules. In some ways, I think she is even more guarded with me."_

_"Maybe it's because she knows you can see through the facade?"_

"_That I will not disagree with you on." Danny said._

"_Well, I can see that she smiles more when she's with you, seems lighter even...at least that's progress."_

_Danny nodded before he pointed towards the door and said, "Speaking of progress, I think I'm going to head out, otherwise she's going to wonder what WE are hiding, too."_

"_Is she coming to the Hilton later?" Steve asked._

"_She said she wants to sit it out for tonight, so I offered to give her a ride home. I'll keep trying, but she seems determined not to go. Anyway…" Danny said as he opened the door and proceeded to head down to the parking lot where Jules was waiting._

They were both worried about her. Steve knew there was something wrong, but he couldn't see what it was. Danny could see it as plain as day on her face, and in that moment, he vowed to get to the bottom of it.

* * *

The past few nights have been nothing short of ups and downs. The past week in Hawaii had been annoyingly quiet for the Five-0 task force meaning there was a lot of downtime. When I have a lot of downtime it usually led to thinking about Carson, and that led to nightmares.

After an especially terrifying nightmare of Danny sitting across from me beaten and bloody before Wo Fat walked up and shot Danny in the head I knew things had gone too far. The nightmares were getting worse and I couldn't stomach them anymore.

After I took my first dose of Ambien things felt okay. I was still tired, but the nightmares were gone, or at least they had been dulled by the haze that the Ambien provided. I was able to sleep through the night without waking up in the grip of a nightmare. The next night was a little different. I took one before bed hoping for another night of peaceful sleep, but was jolted awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. I was sure I had been having a nightmare, but I couldn't remember. I'm not sure whether it was worse to remember the nightmare or not. My solution wasn't to try and sleep it off, or even to try and burn it off with a late night workout...no, I had a different solution. An admittedly stupid one at that. I took another pill returning to sleep with that foggy, somewhat dreamless sleep. I woke up the next morning still tired, but I had more energy than usual.

My nights progressed like this until I was taking at least three of those evil little pills to make it through a full night of sleep. It was beyond stupid, but at least I was sleeping, or at least that's what I kept telling myself. I knew I was walking on a dangerous ledge though.

Then as fate would have it, the great state of Hawaii felt like their taxpayer's money was being wasted having a uni stationed outside my house every night. I wasn't going to argue, because it wasn't the best use of HPD resources. Steve and Danny on the other hand were downright pissed off over this development. They argued tooth and nail with the Governor about it, until they ultimately realized they weren't going to win. That was the moment the two geniuses decided they would sit outside and make sure everything was clear. It took me a good two hours to persuade them to go home and rest.

After they left, I struggled with sleep and my growing paranoia. Oddly, I still opted for a position of vulnerability as I decided to take two ambien. I fell asleep easily thanks to the little white pills, but my peace was short lived as I woke up drench in sweat only a few hours later. Sighing heavily, I threw the thin cotton sheet from my body and sat up, pressing my feet to the floor. Even in shorts and a camisole, I still felt like I'd been tossed into the belly of a volcano.

I was feeling groggy, like I wasn't completely awake. Nothing another pill couldn't fix, right? Sitting on my nightstand next to a nearly empty glass of water, those pills called to me. As I reached over to grab them, I heard a thump coming from the kitchen. I sat there tensed for a moment before I heard another thump, only this time it came from the living room, just a few feet from my bedroom door.

I slowly reached into my nightstand and pulled out the small caliber handgun that I stored there, making sure it was loaded. Quietly, I slid my feet to the floor allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness before moving towards the door. I held the gun out in front of me as I slowly made my way to the bedroom door, peeking around carefully to make sure the immediate area was clear before stepping out.

From the living room, I scanned the room clearing it before focusing my attention towards the kitchen. I heard the sound of a chair sliding across the floor like someone had bumped into it. I entered the kitchen, gun first before I flipped on the kitchen light. My eyes zoned in on the kitchen door that led out to the backyard noticing the glass had been shattered just enough to allow easy access to the bolts that secured the door.

Before I could go and investigate the door further, I caught the faint sound of rubbing fabric. I whipped my head around, gun ready to fire when it was knocked from my hands. The man standing in front of me wasn't very big, but he was strong. He reached out like he was going to grab my arms, but I quickly ducked out of the way and kicked my leg out, effectively knocking him off his feet.

Clambering back to my full height, I turned to reach for my gun. I felt his hand wrap around my ankle before yanking me off my feet, so I quickly put my hands out bracing for the fall. After I hit the ground, he grabbed my hair before slamming my head into the wall.

My already groggy state had me at a disadvantage, but now the situation was even worse. Before I could really get up, I felt a boot on the middle of my back pushing me back down to the floor. Grunting, I thrashed about to get out from under the weight, but I wasn't going far.

"The lies end here," his voice was deep and menacing.

I froze as several pictures were thrown to the floor in front of me. The weight on my back eased allowing me to face my attacker, only to find him gone.

Pushing myself up so I was in a sitting position, I stared over at the back door noticing it was hanging wide open. The man was gone. With my back pressed to the wall next to the doorway that led to the living room, I noticed the pictures laying scattered across the floor. I reached forward pulling them towards me along with a folder that no doubt had held all of the pictures at one point.

The first one I looked at was an older photo of me and Steve. It had to have been taken a few years back right after John died. He and I were standing next to John's tombstone both of us sporting a number of obvious injuries. The next photo was taken seconds later, Steve and I were hugging each other tightly as we stared at the freshly disturbed earth beneath John's headstone.

The next set of pictures were of me with Chin and Kono. Sometimes I would be with one or the other, and sometimes it would be all three of us. There were shots of Chin, Malia and I having dinner a few weeks before their wedding. Then there were some photos of Kono and I surfing and having a bite at Kamekona's shrimp truck. The most recent was of Chin and I standing on the beach, right before the start of Malia's memorial.

I set the pictures down to pick up the folder. Inside the folder were several snapshots of Danny, Grace and I. A few of just Danny and Grace while the rest were of Danny and I. The photos of the three of us were from our recent trip to the zoo.

Danny had Grace for the weekend and invited me to go with them. Grace was situated between Danny and I holding both of our hands as we swung her. We all had huge grins on our faces.

I quickly pushed the photos to the ground with the rest of them, and pulled my knees up to my chest before wrapping my arms around them. My other hand was pressed to my mouth as realization began to set in.

These were surveillance photos, and it was clear my presence was putting everyone in danger.

My heart beat a little faster as I noticed the writing sprawled on the manila folder. No more lies. Who sent the pictures? Was it Wo Fat? There was no one else left that knew about everything. Steve never would have done this, which left Wo Fat. It just had to be.

My stubbornness over the whole situation and keeping so many secrets had led to this. Break-ins, threatening photos. This was only the beginning, I could feel it. They were threatening my family, the people I cared for dearly, and I was to blame for all of this. Just like I put Carson in danger.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there against the wall staring down at the photos, but it was long enough that I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a knocking at the front door. So, it had been long enough for the adrenaline to wear off. I couldn't find the will to move from that spot as Danny's voice floated through from the front door. He sounded royally pissed, but I couldn't find the words or the energy to call out to him.

The sound of the front door opening echoed through my small house, but the sound of the front door closing didn't come. I could hear light footsteps moving across the carpet in the living room, and coming closer to the doorway into the kitchen. I turned my head so I could see him enter the kitchen, but I was still surprised to see a gun leading through the doorway first. Relief washed over me as Danny appeared in the doorway moments after a look of pure concern on his face. There was no anger, or frustration he was just worried. I followed his eyes as he took inventory of the busted window and the door standing ajar that led to the backyard. A moment later, his head quickly snapped in my direction as he lowered his gun.

"Jules," Danny's voice was soft and anxious as he holstered his gun.

He knelt down in front of me, placing both hands on my cheeks as he took in the hollow look that I was sure I had on my face. Not to mention the nasty red mark on my forehead from where my head was slammed into the wall.

"What happened?" he asked as he searched my eyes, . "Talk to me Jules."

"I screwed up, Danny," I whispered trying to avoid his gaze.

"What do mean? Screwed up what?"

"Everything, I put everyone I love in danger. I can't lose anyone else, Danny. I can't."

"Hey, hey, look at me Jules," he said softly forcing my eyes to meet his again. "No one is going anywhere, and I can promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

Danny shifted so he was sitting next to me, his back pressed against the wall. The photos were scattered in front of us, almost tauntingly. I felt Danny wrap his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him and shifting so my head rested on his shoulder. Instantly, I felt my body relaxing. Something about the comfort of being wrapped up in Danny's arms was enough to calm the hurricane of emotions rolling through me. I couldn't help but close my eyes knowing that I was okay in that moment. Danny wasn't going to let anything happen to me.

I felt him press a kiss to my temple before he whispered, "I won't let anything happen to you."

I nodded slightly the feel of the kiss lingering on my forehead. How long we had be sitting there was beyond me, but the sound of Danny's steady breathing was enough to completely relax my body putting me in that weird pre-sleep stage. It was a strange feeling.

The feeling that topped that was I felt extremely lightweight all of a sudden. It took me a moment to realize that I was moving. My eyes snapped open when this dawned on me and the grip on Danny's shoulders tightened. In the past few moments he had picked me up and was now carrying me towards my bedroom. He probably thought I had fallen asleep and was doing the gentlemanly thing by carrying me to my room.

"Danny what are you doing?" I muttered my voice groggy.

"Last time I checked sleeping on the floor is one of the most uncomfortable places to sleep. I'd like to be able to walk come tomorrow," his tone was a bit cheeky.

I couldn't help the chuckle that left my lips as I rested my head against his chest. I wasn't the damsel in distress type. Normally the idea of being carried around like I couldn't walk bothered me. With Danny I was willing to let him carry me around like my life depended on it. I wasn't worried about being strong in front of him, I was worried that maybe I was a little too vulnerable. I never wanted to feel vulnerable around Danny, but somehow he always saw through the facade I put up.

"I'm okay, Danny," I whispered as he sat me down on the bed.

Pushing my body back so my back was resting against the headboard before pulling my knees up to me chest. Despite how warm the room felt my skin was cold to the touch.

"No you're not," his response came back softly but I could hear the annoyance. "Get some sleep," he added as he pulled the sheet up.

Looking down at the sheet I couldn't help the fear that shot through my body. Danny was walking towards the bedroom door to give me privacy, but that was the last thing I wanted. Especially now.

"Danny," I called out my voice coming out sounding more desperate than I wanted it to. I watched as he came to a quick stop in the doorway before turning to face me. "Don't go."

He smiled slightly before nodding. Walking over to the bed he sat down on the edge almost like he was waiting for the okay. I moved over allowing him some space to climb into the space I had just vacated. He kicked off his shoes then settled in next to me. Almost like an instant reaction Danny raised his arm which allowed me to move closer to him. Laying my head on his chest I could hear the steady thumps of his heart.

He didn't have to say a single word and my heart was already in overdrive. I took a few deep breaths before I focused on his heartbeat. In a matter of minutes the sound of his heart beating lulled me into the first dreamless sleep I had in months. Well, the first dreamless sleep without the use of medication. There wasn't a thing I would have changed about this moment.

* * *

I would be lying if I said I woke up to the warm sun on my face, but that would be a lie. Instead, I was jolted awake by the smell of bacon that wafted throughout the house. Laying there with my eyes closed, the smell floated around me. Not that I could find a single reason to complain about breakfast after the night I'd had.

With my eyes still closed, I reached my hand out expecting to meet a warm body lying next to me. More accurately, Danny's body. Squinting as I slowly opened my eyes to glance around the room. Though I knew Danny was responsible for the bacon that permeated my peaceful sleep, I had still hoped to find him lingering in my bed. Even if that lingering remained irritatingly platonic. I sat up letting the sheet fall from my upper body, while running my fingers through my tangled hair. I couldn't help the enormous smile that was currently making my cheeks ache as I remember falling asleep in Danny's arms. I had slept the rest of the night without any nightmares and without any pills.

Getting out of the bed I grabbed a hair tie and quickly tamed my messy hair before walking out towards the kitchen. As I got closer the aroma of bacon grew stronger as did the smile on my face. I came to a stop in the doorway, leaning against the door frame watching the scene in front of me.

Danny was standing in the kitchen in front of the stove working diligently. He was in the same clothes as last night, only his hair was a little more messy than usual. It was a look I didn't mind in the least. The sight in general was something I wouldn't mind getting used to. As much as I wanted to stand there and stare a bit longer, I cleared my throat letting him know I was there.

He whipped around with a goofy smile on his face, like he knew I had been standing there all along. Though with Danny, I wouldn't doubt the idea that he knew I was standing there. The sound of the bacon popping from behind him broke through our moment and reminded him that he had other things to focus on, like not starting a grease fire.

"Good morning starshine, the earth says hello," Danny broke the silence as he set the bacon on the countertop.

I couldn't help it, as the smile grew on my face as I arched an eyebrow.

"It was on some movie Grace has been obsessed with watching lately-"

"Good morning Danny," I cut him off moving away from the doorway.

I reached towards the bacon and snatched a piece chomping on it, and letting the taste cascade over my taste buds. It was heaven. As I enjoyed the bacon, I scanned the counter noticing fresh orange juice, and some slices of toast waiting next to the toaster. Knowing Danny, it was waiting to be scorched.

My eyes continued to wander, until they landed on the familiar bottle of Ambien sitting near the sink. Next to the bottle was a solitary pill. I nearly choked on the bacon before I tossed my half eaten piece back onto the plate.

"Oh good, you noticed," Danny stated his gaze hardening as he leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Did you go through my things?" I asked immediately defensive.

"Sitting on your nightstand is not going through your things. The better question is why in the hell did I find one of those pills in my car, Jules?"

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"The hell you don't!" Danny raised his voice cutting off my response. "Do you realize the repercussions of your actions? What if Grace would have found that! My daughter getting a hold of some sleeping pills!"

"I didn't do it on purpose, Danny!" I yelled back. "It was an accident, accidents happen!"

"I'm sure you didn't. Just like I'm also sure you didn't intend for Grace to be under surveillance by god knows who you pissed off this week! Like it or not, Both of those things occurred!"

I could feel the cold fear running through my veins as the photos were brought up. Once the fear had dissipated from my system I couldn't stop the flashes of anger that rolled in like a chaser. I would never put Grace in danger on purpose. My problems were never supposed to affect his child.

"I never intended on Grace being brought into all of this-"

"Well, she was and I want to know why," he stated firmly his voice still pitched, but not like before.

"It's none of your damn business, Danny!"

"That's my daughter, so I'm making it my damn business!" His voice was raised again. "You are putting my daughter in danger, and I need to know why, or so help me, I'll-"

"You'll what?" I shouted. "You'll do what? Figure it out on your own? You know what Danny, I kept it from you to protect you! These are my demons, and I'll deal with them."

He pushed away from the counter, running his fingers through his hair before a smirk crossed his face, but it wasn't a happy smile by any means. Shaking his head he drew closer to me pointing between the two of us.

"Why is it so hard for you let me help you, huh?"

"Because it would kill me if anything happened to you, Danny!" I shook my head trying to keep the tears from forming. "I have caused enough death to last me a lifetime, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you."

"News flash Jules, I am a big boy. If I want to help you, I'm going to help you!"

"All this because of some little pills?" I snapped crossing my arms over my chest.

"You're damn right! How many do you have to take before you can fall asleep? Huh, how many? Two? Three? Maybe four?"

"They're helping!"

"They're a security blanket! You fell asleep last night without them! You don't need them!"

"And how would you know? You don't know me, Danny."

"I know you better than you think. It's the nightmares right. The nightmares keep you up. You hide behind your work and exercising, because you feel like you don't deserve anything better. You block yourself off from the possibility of letting others help because you're scared! You're scared and you want nothing more than to prove to the world that you're fine. That you can handle all the shit the world can throw at you, but you don't have to do it alone! Can't you see that?"

"I am fine," I barked, stepping towards him.

"Prove it. Throw the pills out."

I stared at him, shock rolling through my body. He wanted me to do something that I needed to do, but I couldn't. Those pills were the only thing keeping me sane right now, all that was standing between me and sleepless nightmare filled nights.

"I can't," I whispered feeling ashamed.

"Can't or won't?"

"Both."

Danny shook his head as he closed the space between us forcing me to look up at him.

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that there are people here to help you? That I am here to help you. Wo Fat doesn't scare me, Jules. Stop holding back because you're scared that another person you care for might get hurt. We signed up for this job same as you! Remember?"

I couldn't help the tears that began flowing down my cheeks. I reached up and quickly swept them away not wanting to seem any weaker than I already did. Danny reached up brushing my hands from my cheeks before resting his hands there.

"That seems to be the recurring theme. If I keep my distance and just keep moving nothing will happen-"

"I'm not going to let you run, and neither is Steve, Kono or Chin! You my dear, will not be going anywhere, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you give up on Five-0 either. I care about you too much to watch you waste away like this."

"Prove it," I shouted.

I was hoping my challenge would drive him away so I could run for it, but what I got was something completely different. Before the last syllable rolled off my tongue, Danny's hands were fisted in my hair and his lips were crushed against my own.. My hands fell to his sides, clutching onto the fabric of his shirt as his lips moved against mine. One of Danny's hands slipped from my hair and blazed a trail down to my hips as he drew me even closer. I couldn't stop the frenzy that my heart raced at the feeling of his soft lips parting mine. A fire was about to ignite, taking this from an anger fueled peck into a lust filled and frenzied kiss, the likes of which I had never experienced!

Before we could go any further, a knock sounded from the front door, followed by the sound of it opening broke us apart. Danny didn't immediately pull away, instead he rested his forehead against mine, staring deeply into my eyes. In that moment, I caught myself hoping he found whatever he needed, because that was a kiss would set the bar for every kiss I will have in this lifetime. So, I found myself praying this wouldn't be the last one.

"I called Captain Buzzkill," he murmured before pulling away completely.

My eyes quickly honed in on the pill bottle sitting near him, and the one lone pill beside it. Instantly, my heart picked up a new steady beat, only this time there was fear behind it. Fear over Steve's reaction to my not so little secret. I turned back towards Danny, my eyes pleading with him to cover me with regard to the pills.

A split second before Steve rounded the corner into the room, Danny grab the pill bottle off the counter and shove it into his pocket and glancing back at me and whispering sternly, "This conversation isn't over. Not by a long shot."

With that, he intercepted Steve and led him back to the living room, where I could hear them talking,, and in that moment I knew Danny was going to cover for me.

Danny was right. I did need help. Wo Fat was counting on me going off on some kind of kamikaze mission, and once again I found myself playing right into his hands. He didn't need to divide and conquer, I was doing a stellar job of that all by myself, and it had to stop.

* * *

**I apologize for the delay! Life tends to get in the way! Anyways a huge thank you to my wonderful beta she truely is the best. Also a big thank you to lauraeb (I'm glad you like Jules and Danny's forming bond), BurnedSpy (I hope you like this as much as the last one), and francis2 (thank you for all your kind reviews!). You guys rock!**


	8. Chapter 7

I watched as Steve moved carefully around the kitchen looking from the broken glass to the surveillance pictures. I wasn't sure what I was more nervous about. The fact that Steve was going to make a beeline straight into big brother mode, or that Danny currently had all of my sleeping pills in his pocket.

I was silent the entire time Steve searched the area surrounding the break in point. He had already found a boot print, but nothing else to speak of. He sent the boot print back to the lab for Kono and Chin to dig up anything they could find, but it wasn't much to go on. They probably weren't going to find anything. The fact that I was standing here, while I should have been helping was grating on my nerves. Danny insisted that I let them deal with this because of protocol. Protocol, my ass.

"Steve, I'm fine," I muttered as I leaned against the kitchen counter.

"That's debatable," Danny muttered, sending me a look.

I glared at him before looking back to Steve who was sifting through the photos. He had gone through all of the ones of Danny, Grace, Chin, and Kono. Now, he was focusing on the shots of the two of us, and the ones that focused on me alone. With every new photo, I could see his jaw clench and unclench. His steely eyes were laser focused on the images in front of him, and that made me nervous.

"No more lies," Steve read off the manila folder. "What does that mean?"

"If I knew I would tell you."

He set the file down before picking up a single photo, showing it to Danny and I. The photo was taken six months prior, when Wo Fat had kidnapped Steve in North Korea. Standing outside a large cargo plane were Chin, Kono, Danny, Joe, and myself. Right before we boarded the plane on a mission to get Steve back. In red marker, a messy circle surrounded me and Joe.

Threatening someone close to a SEAL was a bad idea. Threatening someone close to Steve McGarrett...that was a death sentence. The relationship between Steve and I since the whole Shelburne scenario came to light has been strained, but we were still family. I had known him most of my life, and we would do anything for each other, that's what family did.

* * *

**Six Months Earlier**

I walked quickly across the tarmac towards the large cargo plane that was being loaded with several pallets of medical supply crates. That's not what was on my mind though. Steve had gone missing deep within enemy territory in North Korea. He had gone on an ill advised personal mission with Jenna Kay to bring back her fiancé. What little information we'd garnered before he left was all we really had to go on, and now we were chasing a ghost into a hot zone. That was an issue, Steve trusted Jenna and he chose to keep us pretty much in the dark because of some misguided need to protect us, even though he knew he was putting himself in grave danger. Of course, the biggest problem was that Jenna had manipulated Steve, because right now he was on a familiar path. A path that I had taken with Carson, and I knew it led directly to Wo Fat. Maybe Jenna had decided that this was the only way, but it was clear that she had offered Steve up to save her Fiancé...A Fiancé, who I was certain was already long dead. No one lasted long in enemy territory, let alone months. Especially someone who had landed on the wrong side of Wo Fat, I knew that better than anyone.

Now Steve was missing and it was pretty clear to everyone, Wo Fat had him. I wasn't sure what hurt more, the betrayal from Jenna, or the fact that Wo Fat had the one person I cared most about in the world. Steve, along with Joe were the last bit of 'family' I had left in the world, and I wasn't going to let him take either of them from me. Not after everything we had been through together.

Steve had saved me from North Korea, possibly from the very same bunker if everything went as planned. Now, it was my turn to return the favor. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't nervous. This would be the first time I had set foot in North Korea since I had lost Carson several years before. My heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings, and my stomach was twisting itself into knots. Getting Steve back was our priority, despite any uncertainties I had about the country.

"Jules!" Danny called out, as I neared the plane.

Before I could reach the plane where Kono and Chin were standing with Joe, Danny stopped me a look of concern on his face. I knew what was going through his mind. He was worried not only about Steve, but about how I was going to handle this emotionally. Danny knew better than to try and stop me from going, but that wasn't going to keep him from watching out for me. Ever since I first met him, he had been protective towards me when it came to putting me in stressful situations.

"What are you thinking?" Danny asked watching my face closely.

"I'm going to kill him."

"You cannot go in there thinking that, you are going to get yourself killed," Danny snapped, keeping his voice low. "We're going to bring Steve back alive. When we get him back, then and only then do we even consider going after Wo Fat."

"If I have the chance, I'm going to take it," I growled before pushing past Danny towards where Joe was standing.

"Nice of you to join us," Joe stated, watching me and Danny as he chased after me.

I could see the concern in his eyes, but he had it under control, unlike Danny who was just radiating nervous energy. Nodding was the only thing I could do. If I said anything, I knew I would be benched, and arguing orders from Joe just wasn't an option. It never had been, what Joe said was what we did, no questions asked.

"So what happens when we hit the ground in Seoul?" Chin asked breaking the silence.

"We're on our own," Joe responded as he grabbed a black bag and held it open before glancing into each of our eyes and saying, "I'm going to need your badges and IDs. The minute this plane leaves the ground, we're just civilians. That means no military supplies, fire support, or friendlies in the area. If the mission is compromised, we go on escape and evade, and in the unlikely event that we pull this off, we could be charged with espionage, face federal prosecution, and prison time for what we are about to do. That is, of course if any of us make it back."

I looked down at the badge in my hand before setting it in the bag along with everyone else's Five-0 badges. I looked over at Danny who was standing next to Joe and Kono. I don't think I would have been able to do this if he wasn't there making sure that I was okay.

"I've done worse," I responded causing everyone to look at me momentarily as my words sunk in.

"So, if anyone wants to back out, now's the time," Joe looked straight at me as he said this. "No shame in it. Go with God, and wish us luck."

I stood there silently with my arms across my chest. The strong wind on the tarmac sending strands of my hair in front of my face as I stared back at Joe. I tried to keep my face as impassive as possible in light of the current situation, but I knew my eyes would betray every emotion I was feeling. Steve had always said he could read how I was feeling just by looking into my eyes. This was for Steve. We were going to get him back, I was so determined that we would not be returning without him. I would have given my life for his, and I wouldn't have a life without him, either.

"All right that settles it then. We come back with Steve, or we don't come back at all." Joe said reiterating the thoughts that were already rattling around in my head and my heart.

I nodded adjusting the strap of my bag over my shoulder when the sound of an approaching vehicle caught my attention. I turned and watched as several men, including Commanding Officer Wade Gutches stalked towards us carrying some bags like they were preparing to take a trip. I recognized one of the men as a part of SEAL Team Nine, the same man Steve had saved in an air rescue, after an assassin had drugged him and threw him out of a plane.

"All right," Wade clapped his hands together as the SEALs gathered behind him. "Who's ready to kick ass and take names? Got room for some members of SEAL Team Nine on this little...What are you calling it?"

"Humanitarian mission," Joe supplied, a grin on his face.

"Right...That's what I thought. Load it up, ladies," Wade ordered the SEALs behind him. The men grabbed their bags, and began to haul the items onto the cargo plane.

This was going to be one hell of a ride.

* * *

"You can't stay here," Steve stated, tossing the photo down onto the table with the rest of them.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Danny responded before I could say anything.

"So she'll stay with me. She'll be safe I can keep an eye on her-"

"Would you like to take away all her freedom?" Danny retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"How is that taking away her freedom?" Steve's face fell into a state of confusion.

"Living with you is like living in a prison."

"Oh and living with you is any better?"

"Yeah, actually it is," Danny retorted.

Their argument faded as I stared down at the picture of me with the team before we left for Korea. Joe and I were circled. This was about us. This wasn't about Steve, or Danny, or anyone else. This was about me and Joe.

* * *

**Six Months Earlier**

Danny and Joe had left the group in order to find an old buddy of Joe's. Something about him being able to supply us an arsenal. They came back with an older fellow named Frank, who led us to what looked more like a graveyard of rundown military grade equipment. Climbing into the helicopter, so lovingly named "Tangerine" seemed like a death sentence, but for Steve it was worth the risk.

Danny made a few smartass remarks before we decided it was time to kick it into high gear. The SEALs that had joined us on the trip were loading weapons and ammo, and making sure everything was working well enough. Kono was going to be left at the bungalow, in order to run satellite interference and to survey the area. She was going to have to be our eyes and keep us apprised of what was going on from the ground. I would be going with the SEALs, Chin and Danny, but instead of being in the combat zone where I wanted to be, I was to stay in the helicopter with Frank and provide air support.

Was I pissed about this decision? Hell yes, I was. It seemed like Danny and Joe had made the decision without me and before I could confront either of them about it, we were strapping into the bucket of bolts that Frank so affectionately called 'Tangerine'.

I was positioned up front, right next to Frank while the men were situated in the back, with weapons in their hands ready to go.

While we were sitting there waiting for Frank to fire up the helicopter, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. The severity of the situation was kicking in, and it felt like old wounds were being ripped open a little bit more for each second we were in Korea. Maybe Danny and Joe made the right call making me stick to the helicopter. I knew my nerves were nearly fried, when I jumped as Joe rested his hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked as softly as he could.

"Yes sir," I responded trying to keep my voice steady and confident.

Joe nodded as he studied my demeanor for a few seconds, from the way Joe parted his lips I knew he wanted to say something else but he refrained. I could see it plain as day on his face though. He was doing this not just for Steve, but for me, too. He was worried about me being in Korea again after everything that had happened, but in the end he knew it was better to have me here near the action than driving myself crazy away from it.

Joe squeezed my shoulder just before he leaned back into his seat, placing the headset on and checking his weapon.

A moment later, Danny leaned in and said, "I know you want to be on the ground, but Steve would kill us if we let you get within fifty feet of Wo Fat again, besides we need a good set of eyes in the air in case the shit hits the fan. You cover us from above, any movement that could put us in harm's way you shoot, okay?"

"Got it," I nodded glancing over my shoulder at him as I put the headset on positioning the microphone in front of my mouth.

I tried to keep my hand from shaking as Danny watched me, but clearly he'd noticed as his hand closed over mine and pulled the headset away from my ears to whisper, "We will not leave without him."

I don't know why those words had such an impact coming from him, but for whatever reason they were all I needed to settle into my role.

The flight didn't start out the best. Frank got the motor going before it died. Of course, the fact that it started at all was a feat given his methods. He hit some control panels with the butt of his gun until the engine kicked on. I could feel the nerves twisting in my stomach, but after years of Naval training I kept my face as impassive as I possibly could. Frank managed to get us up in the air and hold us steady before heading in the direction of the compound where we thought Steve was being held.

"Can I ask you a question?" Danny called out through the headsets over the whirring of the engine. "Does this guy ever fly this thing sober, or no?"

I couldn't help but smirk at Danny's uneasiness. He and Chin seemed to be the only ones who were outright nervous about it, and of course Danny was the only one who said it out loud. The SEALs onboard were either hiding it, or really couldn't care less. They were trained for any sort of scenario. Flying with a drunk in a helicopter wouldn't faze them in the slightest.

"All right, listen up," Wade commanded control of the men onboard. "This compound is basically a bunker surrounded by tunnels. Frank's going to insert us six clicks to the south, we patrol in on foot from there."

"Frank will circle the LZ with Lieutenant Koehler, and provide cover fire for the extraction," Joe added.

"Any contact with the opposition you will eliminate the threat," Wade continued. "Any questions?"

The entire helicopter was silent, meaning there were no questions as to the mission plan. We were going to get Steve back, or we were going to die trying.

I sat silently in my seat waiting for Frank to give the go ahead for the drop point. I wanted to be going with them, but I also knew that wasn't the best option and I could be useful if an air strike was needed.

I watched as Frank lowered the helicopter into a field just shy of six clicks out from the bunker.

"Bring Steve home, gentlemen," I called out, before they began filing out of the chopper.

My gaze locked with Danny's just before he jumped out. He nodded showing he heard what I said before climbing out. I could see the worry in his eyes, but the determination was there as well. He wasn't going to go down without a fight.

I watched as they made their way into the thick brush before Frank pulled the chopper back into the air. I tore my gaze from where the men had just disappeared turning my focus back to scanning the area around us for any sign of hostiles.

"How long you been in the service?" Frank asked as he scanned the area as well.

"Fourteen years," I responded bitterly. "Seven active duty Navy, while the other seven were spent in the reserves."

"What made you change?" Frank's innocent question caused a twinge of pain to shoot down my arm.

"I got someone killed."

The bitter tone to my voice silenced Frank for a while. I hadn't meant to cause any discomfort, but that was still a sore topic. Especially being in the country that played a role in the incident. There was no reason to give the long version. I wasn't a victim, Carson was. He was the one that died for nothing.

"Blackbird," Kono's voice came over the radio. "I have movement north of you. A convoy of trucks heading west towards the river."

"Copy that," I responded. "We'll relay that to Red One," I cut the connection before looking to Frank. "Let's get eyes on that convoy."

Frank nodded before the chopper tilted dramatically allowing us to turn in the right direction. There was a chance that Steve could be in the convoy. Maybe Wo Fat caught wind that we were on our way, and they had to move him. We needed to make sure the convoy didn't have any extra members before we cleared them to pass.

"One O'Clock," Frank stated as he pulled the chopper up behind the convoy. I could see them through a break in the tree line. "They're headed for Kaesŏng. We gotta hold 'em. Get the others and tell them to catch up."

I nodded before changing frequency to reach Joe. "Red One, come in. We've got eyes on the convoy. They are a mile northwest of your position heading deeper in country."

I watched the convoy carefully as I waited for a reply.

"Better slow 'em down," Joe's voice crackled through the headset.

"We've got the green light," I told Frank as we moved over the convoy.

"There's a bridge about a mile up the road. How about we put that RPG there to good use?" Frank gave me a devilish grin nodding to the weapon in the back. "You ever shot one before?"

"I grew up military, what haven't I shot?" I grinned before pulling the headset off and tossing it to the side.

I quickly undid the buckles that were holding me down before I climbed over the seat and into the back where the weapon was sitting in its case. I yanked it open quickly, while being careful to maintain my balance as Frank maneuvered the chopper given the fact that the doors haven't closed on this thing for decades.

Pulling the launcher out, I quickly set to work making sure the scope was on, and tight. I reached into the box pulling out the warhead with a wicked smirk on my face before inserting the grenade into the launcher.

I maneuvered myself down to the deck of the chopper making sure to hook my ankle around one of the seats so I didn't accidentally fall out, I placed the launcher against my right shoulder holding on tightly. I placed my eye near the scope, so I could see into it. Once I had the bridge in sight on the scope I carefully aimed for the center of the bridge where the convoy would hit any second. Without another thought I pulled the trigger.

I braced myself for the kickback from the RPG before set the weapon aside to watch as the bridge erupted into a mixture of fire and stone. I couldn't help the triumphant shout that left my lips as the convoy began backtracking across the bridge to find a new route.

I quickly put the launcher back into the box before reaching for the headset I had discarded earlier.

"Red One, convoy is heading your way. I repeat, convoy is heading your way. Meet at extraction point in T-minus four minutes."

I set the headset down glancing over at Frank who had a grin on his face. He nodded to me before I let a grin slide onto my face, my shoulders shaking slightly. I didn't bother to climb back into the seat, instead holding tightly onto the rail next to the open doors looking for any sign of the group or hostiles. My heart pounded in my chest as Frank turned the chopper so we could met the guys at the extraction point.

As we came up over the trees, I caught sight of the men coming out into the clearing. My heart raced wildly when I noticed they weren't alone, Danny and Chin were carrying Steve between them. Once the chopper hit the ground, I jumped down onto the grassy plain before hightailing it towards him.

He looked beat to hell, his shirt was torn open revealing deep bruising along with several gashes and burn marks across his abdomen. Dripping down the side of his face was both fresh and dried blood, his lip was split and his cheekbone bruised and swollen, yet he wore a look of pure determination.

"Steve!" I called out.

"Jules," he called back pulling his arms away from Chin and Danny as I reached him.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, relieved when I felt his arms tighten around me, too. One arm circled around my waist while the other rested gently on the back of my head. I felt him place a quick kiss to the side of my head before Wade's shouting broke up the moment. Pulling away, I watched Danny and Chin help him back to the chopper.

The feeling of triumph sat in my chest as I raced back to the chopper, too. I pulled open the door and climbed in, placing the headset back on my head before pulling the door shut. Glancing to the back, I noticed all the men were accounted for, Steve included. There was a sense of relief flooding the chopper as Frank lifted off the ground, taking us into the air to head back to a safe zone.

"Blackbird, your airspace is clear," Kono's voice came through my headset.

A smile rested on my face before I looked over at Frank, "It's clear."

Frank nodded before taking a sharp turn flying good old Tangerine back towards his own compound. The chopper was silent as everyone took in what had just occurred. The sound of the engine and rotors, the only thing making any sound.

"No, don't," Danny called out over the loud noises. "You can thank me when we get back to Oahu."

The conversations rolled on and laughter rumbled through the cabin, but my focus was only on Steve.

I watched him as he looked around at each of the men who had aided in his rescue before his gaze landed on me. The usual tough, older brother stare was gone, instead replaced by a more thankful, happy look. He nodded in understanding at how tough it was for me to come back to North Korea, but I did it for him. Given the same choice, I would do it again. In a heartbeat.

"I owe you one," he called out to me.

I shook my head before saying, "We're even."

* * *

**Present Day**

"I need to find Joe," I raised my voice cutting the two of them off.

I crossed my arms over my chest, turning to face the two bickering men. Steve was standing there, hands on his hips, and a stern look on his face while Danny simply looked confused. Both men had been so absorbed in fighting over where I was going to stay, they hadn't given me the chance to voice my opinion.

"What?" Steve broke the silence.

"I said I need to find Joe. This is about me and him."

"What, so you're going to jet set halfway around the world to look for him?" Danny snapped sarcastically.

"If that's what it takes."

"If that's what-" Danny cut himself off. "You're delusional, you realize that."

"There are only two people who know what this is about. One is currently under protective custody, and the other is MIA. I'm not going to risk Doris' safety. I have to find him, Steve," I spoke to him, knowing Danny wouldn't be able to fully grasp where I was coming from.

Joe was the last parental figure I had left. Both of my parents and John were gone, and Doris's foray as Shelburne kind of took her out of the running. I had to find him. Things had reached a boiling point and I needed to know what else he was hiding, and why he disappeared after Steve brought Doris back instead of coming back. More than that, I needed to know he was alive.

* * *

**Hey y'all! Thanks so much for the kind reviews and all the adds and favorites. It really makes my day! Sorry for the delay in the chapter but I hope you guys like this chapter. Leave a review or send me a message and let me know how you feel about the story.**


	9. Chapter 8

I could see the immediate change on Steve's face as I pleaded my case about finding Joe. Deep down, I knew Steve wanted to find him just as bad. Now the need was even greater with the impending threat sitting on my kitchen table. It felt like our only option was to find Joe, and bring him back to Hawaii.

"Wait, wait, wait. Just hold on a second," Danny broke the silence pulling both Steve's attention, and mine over towards Danny. "You cannot honestly be contemplating this. It's a suicide mission. Joe clearly does not want to be found!"

"Suicide mission? No, what we did in North Korea was a suicide mission. Finding Joe is like an exploratory expedition," I responded as evenly as I could.

"I am just saying, that maybe you two should hold off on any impending kamikaze missions until we get solid evidence of where Joe is. When we get evidence, I promise you I will fly with you to wherever the hell he is."

I stood there silently mulling it over the best I could in the moment. I had to find Joe there was no denying that, but waiting for evidence? No, Joe would be hiding his tracks, so we wouldn't find evidence unless we are out there actively looking for it. Either that or it would turn up long after he had moved on, he was simply too good at hiding especially once he figured out we were actively looking for him.

"That may not be such a bad idea, Jules," Steve said as he caved, looking down at me. "You focus on getting a sense of security back, and we'll work on the photos and tracking down Joe."

"Or," I snapped, "I could track down Joe and you guys could help me."

"Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall," Danny muttered before pressing his hands together and rubbing his forehead in aggravation. "I beg of you, think this through. If you come stay with me for a few nights we can sort this all out, together."

Steve instantly glanced back and forth between us as he tried to read between the lines. He wasn't stupid enough to miss what Danny hadn't said directly.

"You promise?" I asked realizing how childish it sounded.

I knew my words all but confirmed whatever Steve was thinking, but in the moment I just wanted whatever comfort Danny was willing to offer. It was certainly a comfort that I had not allowed myself in some time, and if I'm being honest...it scared the crap out of me.

"I promise you we will look for Joe and find out who did this, _together_."

That small declaration made me feel slightly better about the situation. I sighed glancing over at Steve who had a concerned look on his face. Obviously, he had known for some time that Danny and I had a strong connection, but that didn't mean he was prepared to witness it firsthand just yet. You could tell that he was trying to process what had just happened, or perhaps what had already happened. It was almost comical seeing the war of a brother protecting his kid sister in a way to happiness as he saw the change that Danny had brought to my life. Danny had tamed the over-emotional wreck he had rescued years ago. I think it's safe to assume Steve was also happy to see Danny start to let someone in as well. It wasn't like he hadn't been burned a time or two in the past as well.

* * *

I walked slowly into Danny's apartment realizing, I hadn't really set foot in the place he had finally settled down in. After months of searching, he managed to get the kind of place he'd wanted for Grace, for a price he thought was manageable in the "pineapple infested hell" he'd landed in. Of course, it had been a long while since he'd actually complained about the island that he now called home.

There were plenty of pictures hanging on the walls of Grace, and I couldn't help but let a ghost of a smile cross my face. That little girl was Danny's whole world and she had quickly become just as important to all of us. Five-0 had become the ohana we'd all been searching for.

"I'll put your stuff in the bedroom," Danny's voice came from behind me.

"What? No," I shook my head grabbing Danny's arm forcing him to stop. "I'm not taking your bed."

"Who said anything about you taking my bed?" Danny asked, a devilish smirk finding its way onto his handsome face.

I could feel my eyebrows shoot up at his comment, as I followed him into the bedroom. It was nice, but I definitely could tell it was a man's room. There were more pictures of Grace on the dresser, only to be offset by several ties scattered across the top of the dresser in front of them. Some sports memorabilia hung on the walls, but other than that, the room was impeccably clean. Even the bed had been made.

"If I'm not sleeping in here, then why are you putting my stuff in here?"

"We are going to share," he responded shrugging his shoulder.

"Share?"

"We're both perfectly responsible adults, with very important jobs that don't allow us to have achy backs because one of us decided to sleep on a very uncomfortable couch."

"If it's uncomfortable, why did you buy it?" I asked a smirk forming on my lips.

"That, is completely beside the point," Danny said as he looked at me like I was nuts.

I smiled before leaning against the door watching as he became flustered for a moment, before he instantly calmed down. It was almost like he knew I was trying to get under his skin. He shook his head before a smile eased over his lips as he stared at me. I wish I could read minds, so that I knew what he was thinking about. The way he was gazing at me and moving ever so slowly towards me told me a little of what was going on, but I wanted to be sure.

He finally stopped when he was just a few inches from me. A part of me wanted to close the gap, and let my instincts take over, but his next move stopped that train of thought like a bucket of icy cold water as my eyes followed his hand as it descended into the pocket of his slacks and pulled out the pill bottle he had hidden from Steve earlier. Fucking pills.

"Figured you might want these back," he said softly as he placed them in my hand and gently wrapped my fingers around the bottle, all while staring into my eyes as if he was now trying to read my thoughts.

My mind was racing, but I couldn't find the ability to say anything to him. It felt like my body had gone numb just staring down at his hand still closed over my fingers and that damn plastic bottle. I slowly eased my hand from Danny's grasp so I could stare down at my name on the bottle. I knew this moment had ended, but I was sure that something more needed to be said, Danny deserved more than a pile of excuses and it was the only way we could move forward. So, I gave a stiff nod as I resigned myself to taking a chance, to really letting Danny see what was going on inside my head and my heart. At least if he ran screaming, I would know that he had done so with everything on the table, and not because I had lied to him.

"Thanks." I whispered as I set the bottle on the dresser before I finally let my eyes connect with his. "Especially for earlier. The last thing I need is Steve hounding me about them..."

"You don't need them," he stated gently his hand reaching out and touching my arm before he started to speak again. "Look, about what I said this morning-"

"Don't apologize," I whispered. "You were right...About the pills. They are a security blanket. You're right about me not wanting to let anyone in. You're right about all of it, Danny. The nightmares, the guilt, and the incessant need to protect everyone that I love. These are all things I need help with. I need your help, but you just have to give me time to wrap my head around it."

Danny nodded before he moved his hand up my left arm and over the scarring that covered my shoulder. Even through the shirt that concealed the old scar, his touch still sent an uncontrollable shiver down my spine. For the first time, I actually didn't find the idea of someone seeing those scars completely abhorrent. I still wasn't excited about that prospect, but I wasn't in a blind panic either and I knew that was due in large part to Danny. He pulled his hand away from my shoulder before reaching up and gently brushing some of my hair out of my face.

"Danny," I whispered.

"Mmmhmm?" was his response as he came closer, his face just centimeters from mine.

"There's no turning back if we do this," I muttered as I stared up into his eyes looking for any sign of hesitation.

"Who said I wanted to turn back?" He whispered as he leaned in towards me, his warm breath ghosted over the skin just beneath my ear seconds before his lips set my heart to race.

* * *

_**Danny's P.O.V.**_

Danny stood there quietly in the doorway watching Jules. He could see her chest rising and falling steadily indicating that she had fallen asleep. It was a welcomed sight, especially after the last few days she had been dealing with. The most gratifying part of seeing her sound asleep was that the sleeping pills he had returned to her earlier lay untouched on the dresser.

Jules' dark wavy hair was lying in tangles around her face a product of how often she shifted in her sleep. Her skin was finally starting to regain some of the color it had lost from her restless days, and the shadows under her lashes were beginning to recede. her expressive green eyes remained hidden by sleep, but they were regaining some of the spark that he'd noticed in the old pictures Steve had shown him from well before the time when he'd met her. It was a look that he missed, even though he'd never personally witnessed it. The pains of her past had already begun to put out the light behind her eyes by the time he'd come into her life. That renewed spark filled him with a sense of pride, because deep down he knew that he'd been at least partially responsible for its return and that felt pretty good.

She was allowing hope back into her life. He got through to her and she was finally starting to let him in. The warrior she had become was finally letting him get past the walls she'd surrounded herself with.

As Danny watched the peaceful rise and fall of her chest, he was instantly brought back to the hours that had passed since they arrived at his place. When he'd offered his place to her, he hadn't planned on any of this, but now that he'd had a taste of what his life could be like...he wasn't going to give up without a fight. And if this night had been any indication, it was going to be a fight. Though now, he knew it was going to be well worth it.

_**A few hours earlier**_

"Danny," she whispered.

"Mmmhmm," was my response as I moved closer.

"There's no turning back if we do this," She said as if she expected me to turn away now.

"Who said I wanted to turn back?" I whispered incredulously as I finally did the one thing that I couldn't get out of my head since Steve had so rudely interrupted our first kiss.

I had kissed a number of women in my lifetime, but this kiss just reconfirmed what I thought after that first kiss. This woman was different. She was beautiful, funny, smart, tenacious, aggravating, infuriating, stubborn, intriguing and absolutely unforgettable.

My mind was telling me to slow things down, but my heart was telling me to grab hold with both hands and never let go. My heart won when a sigh broke through the bubble of bliss that surrounded us, and before I knew it my lips were on a quest to coax that throaty sigh from her as quickly and as often as possible.

My fingers, they followed my heart, too. Ghosting down her spine in a quest to feel the warmth of her skin. Would her tan touch the skin I couldn't see? Was it as warm as it felt through the thin cotton of her t-shirt? These were questions I had to find an answer to.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" I asked as I tried to regain a little bit of control.

It took a moment for her to answer and I almost laughed at the breathless quality of her beautiful voice, "N-no. It's just been a while. I'm a little nervous."

Her eyes fell to the ground, and I vowed to put a stop to the self consciousness that plagued her in that moment.

Her hands fell to my tie as she shifted the knot and slipped a couple of buttons free. Her hands found their way into my hair next, and that was enough to produce a groan. Not because I cared in the least about the disheveled state of my normally perfect hair, but because the tiniest hint of her tongue poked out between her kiss ravaged lips in concentration and that ounce of control I'd managed to regain slipped from my grasp again. God, she was going to be the death of me...but, it was going to be a good death.

Of course, that control fell further from my grip when she licked those lips before planting them firmly and aggressively.

It was comfortable, it was easy, and suddenly it was the most frightening thing I'd ever done as I let my fingertips brush over that tiny sliver of skin that was laid bare when her arms wrapped around my neck. Nerves hadn't made their presence known since I was a preteen fumbling around in the dark, but the tiny goosebumps that rose on her skin brought me back to that feeling. Were we really going to do this? Should we? God knows that I wanted to, but everything was happening so fast.

I knew that shedding clothing was more than likely not going to be as simple as it sounded with Jules. I was certain that the demons of her past would make an appearance at some point, invited or not. As if my thought had provoked said demons, her hand shot out to stop the progress of her shirt as my hand contact with the tiny sliver of perfectly warm skin.

"Shh." I whispered as I watched her pull and tug the cotton back into place. "I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but I need you to promise me that you'll tell me what you're thinking about."

My heart felt like it was on the verge of shattering as I watched the pained expression flit across her face. Tears clung tightly to her lashes, and I was trying desperately to decipher if they were from fear or some other emotion entirely. I wanted to believe that the tears were a sign of hope, and trust, but until she confirmed my thoughts it was difficult not to entertain the idea that they were out of fear.

"Hey. Hey. You're not supposed to cry. That's not how this is supposed to go." I said with a light tone as I tried to ease a smile from her lips before I pressed a kiss to her tear stained cheek.

The smile came slowly, but it was what happened next that very nearly sent me staggering back to the floor. I knew without a shadow of doubt the second the garment went sailing just to the right of my head, and suddenly I was face to face with this stunning woman with her scars on full display. I thought her hands had gripped the edges of her shirt in a show of insecurity, but it had been a show of bravery.

I wasn't sure what the right move was, but I was fairly certain staring wasn't the appropriate response. So, I leaned forward and pressed my fingertips to the pink and white streak that puckered over her shoulder and exited the other side. I knew exactly how she'd gotten it, and yet that didn't even begin to prepare me for the sudden jolt of pain I felt knowing that she carried around this blatant reminder of everything she'd lost. Yet, this woman soldiered on with her head held high.

After a moment, my hands began a path towards her wrist as I caressed the sunken zipper of a scar that barely concealed the hardware holding flesh and bone together. Hearing her story, anyone would assume the pain had been excruciating, but as I looked at the evidence and turned her palm up to reveal a more jagged wound where bone tore through flesh I knew that there were no words to accurately explain the worst of it.

All I wanted to do was take some of that pain from her, but I knew that was an impossible task, so instead I just pressed my lips to the scar as I stared into her eyes. I could feel the uneasy tremors as she exposed her deepest fears to me. I needed her to know that in spite of every wound, both seen and unseen could never diminish what I saw in the woman before me.

As I followed the scar on her arm back up to her shoulder, pressing my lips to all that had been laid bare, I allowed my fingers to trace the lines that traversed her back. I could feel the emotion balled up in the back of my throat. It was borderline suffocating as I attempted to stifle the tears that were trying to escape my own eyes.

"Does it hurt?" I wondered aloud as my lips pressed against the angry mark on her shoulder.

"No. Not so much." She whispered before she took my hand and pressed it lightly to her temple, "It's more up here."

"Most pain lingers far longer in the head and the heart than it ever does in the places we can see it." I said as I pressed my other hand over her rapidly fluttering heart.

"And you? Where does your pain linger?" She asked cautiously.

"I'd bet in the same place as yours." I responded solemnly before taking our hands and pressing them over my own racing heart.

In that moment, a small tear fell free from my lashes as I watched a genuine smile form on her lips.

"It looks good on you." I shared.

"Hmm?"

"The smile. It looks good on you."

Of course, it only got a little brighter.

"Yours looks even better." She answered as her fingers traced over my lips before her lips followed.

Once our lungs started to burn from expending all of our oxygen on the kiss, her lips quickly found the pulse point against the side of my neck, while her hands went to work on the shirt and tie that she'd messed with earlier. This time, she wasted no effort as she slipped the knot free and dropped the tie to the ground. The shirt followed seconds later before I started to back towards the bed.

When I reached my destination, I pulled her lithe frame to stand between my legs and reveled in the warmth of her skin as it finally pressed to my own. A spark that had lingered for some time was about to ignite, and then I felt the shudder move across her flesh. This time, there was no silencing the warning that came, I just knew it was time to slow this down. There would be no regrets between us, I would see to that. If that meant slowing things down, then I would make sure that happened.

I slowly pushed back, brushing her hair over her shoulder and glancing into her eyes.

"As much as I would love to take this to the next level, I don't think either of us are really ready for this. I want it. You. So badly, but you and I...we're not a passing phase. We have the time to do this the right way, at the right time. And that time, it shouldn't be because someone broke into your house."

"What? It's not because…" She started before I silenced her with a quick kiss and continued my argument.

"Listen to me! You always think you know what I'm going to say, but you don't. So can you let me finish, please?"

She nodded in acquiescence, but I could see the hurt hidden behind those sad eyes.

"I don't know when it happened, and god knows you haven't made it easy...but, you are a part of my life. My family. This isn't something that I planned on, it's not even something I thought I wanted, and yet here you are." I said as I put a hand over my heart.

"What are you saying?" She asked with a hopeful expression.

"Somewhere along the way, in spite of your penchant for hiding things from me, that crazy McGarrett streak that seems to have been passed through osmosis from Steve to you, and your outrageous disregard for your own personal safety, I have fallen hopelessly in love with you."

A tear fell from her lashes as she simply stared at me. Not a word fell from her lips for what felt like an eternity, until she shoved me hard and started to yell.

"Damn it! You were not supposed to see me, Danny! I knew from the first time I saw you that you were going to be trouble, and boy was I dead on!"

I started to feel outrage bubble to the surface as I opened my mouth to speak, only to be silence by her hand as she walked over to the dresser and placed her palms on its surface. The muscles in her back flexed as she tried to regain some composure before she said, "You saw things that even Steve had missed. I knew when you took the time to wipe John's blood from my skin that you would be both my biggest advocate and my worst nightmare." She said as she very nearly vibrated with an emotion I had yet to place.

"Nightmare?" I asked.

"Yes, nightmare. You have no idea how hard I'd worked to place all the pieces of my past into neat little boxes and stowed them in the darkest places of my mind. I was doing just fine with that. And then you came into my life! You with all of your questions and feelings. You just couldn't accept that some things were meant to stay in the past."

"I can accept that, but good luck compartmentalizing your whole existence in a box! Last time I checked, that's called a COFFIN!" I shouted back as I approached her.

I was angry. Not at her, but at the circumstances that made her doubt herself, and me. As soon as she was within reach I grabbed hold of her good shoulder and spun her to face me before I shouted, "I won't let you put me away somewhere because you don't think you're worthy of being loved. Carson is gone, and nothing can change that. I would, in a heartbeat if it was within my power, even if it meant I had to give you up, But, if you think for one second that he would want you to memorialize his death by killing every chance you have at happiness, you are out of your damn mind!"

She stood in stunned silence for what seemed like ten minutes, the only sign that she had even heard the words I'd shouted was the slight quiver of her lower lip that she was trying her best to stifle as she bit down on it. Then, she broke the silence as she stared down at the ground, "Is that what you think I've been doing?"

"What?"

"Killing my chance at happiness?"

"Actively, no, but subconsciously I think you've done an exceptional job of burying your heart right along side of him. Your refusal to let yourself have those emotional bonds isn't paying a debt to Carson, it's giving a needless death an even more tragic ending. You need to start living again. You need to take a chance on love, if not with me, then with someone."

She considered that for a moment before she looked up at me with tear filled eyes and whispered, "You're a fucking idiot."

I looked at her incredulously, had she really just insulted me after I poured my heart out to her?

"You're an idiot, if you think for a second that anyone else could ever hold a candle to you, Danny Williams. God, I can't even decide if I want to kill you or kiss you!" She said as she smashed her lips against mine in a passion fueled kiss.

"I guess that means you decided on kiss." I said as I ducked out of reach for the swing I knew was coming.

"How could I possibly kill the man that I love?" She said with a shy little smile as I lunged towards her and swung her up into my arms before dropping her back onto my bed.

With that behind us, we shared lingering kisses and let our fingers explore the newly exposed flesh at our disposal, but the stresses of the evening at Jules' and the heated debated had doused the flames to a more manageable level. They were far from extinguished, but sleep managed to eclipse desire for the time being, and I couldn't have been bothered to care as the woman folded herself around me, and pushed her way even deeper into my heart.

Her soft, even breaths puffed against my skin and lulled me to follow her into sleep.

I'd been asleep for an hour or two before the sounds of a passing storm had jolted me awake. I'd managed to extricate myself from the warm and inviting woman sleeping beside me, but my eyes were determined to map out every inch of her luminous skin that they could drink in.

_**Present**_

The sound of his phone buzzing against the counter cut through the silence of the home. Slowly he turned away from the sleeping beauty and walked towards the phone. checking the number before answering.

"Find anything?" Danny asked immediately.

"Hello is customary, Daniel. Having a good night?" Steve's voice came through the phone.

"Yes, Steven, it's such a wonderful evening," Danny replied back just as sarcastically. "Which brings me back to my initial question, have you found anything?"

"Kono pulled a couple of prints off the envelope, but nothing on the pictures. There's nothing that stands out in any of the photos. They're printed on regular printer paper that can be bought anywhere, same with the ink."

"So, we have nothing," Danny lowered his voice as he came to a stop in the center of the kitchen.

"How's she doing?" Steve's voice turned from business to personal.

Danny knew that shift, Steve had always played the protective older brother role in Jules' life from what he understood. He would call her every week to check in, no matter where he was. The two were practically siblings, not even a blood bond was stronger than what those two shared. They found themselves at odds with each other more often than not, but their love and devotion towards each other would put many families to shame.

"She's, uh, hanging in there."

"That doesn't sound convincing," Steve's voice growing tense at Danny's lack of description.

"She's tough, Steve. She's not going to let some psycho with pictures scare her."

"Yeah, a psycho with pictures that broke into her house, and nearly gave her a concussion," Steve retorted.

Normally, Steve was the levelheaded one with closely guarded control, Jules just brought the emotionally charge responses out in all of them. Danny parted his lips when he heard an anguished scream rip through the house. Without a second thought he raced towards the bedroom where Jules had been asleep earlier.

He could hear Steve shouting his name asking what was happening, but his concern was Jules.

"Gotta go. Call you in a few." Danny answered as he dropped the phone without disconnecting the call.

As he barreled through the doorway, he flipped on the light switch to see Jules still lying in bed. Her eyes clamped tightly shut as she thrashed around like she was trying to get away from something. He moved quickly to her side and climbed across to reach Jules, who was violently shaking with what he could only assume was fear.

"Jules!" he called out over her screams, catching her arms and forcing her to stop throwing them around.

He knew restraining her wasn't the best idea, but he had to wake her up, in any way possible. Her face was covered in a sheen of sweat that wasn't there a few minutes earlier. How had her peaceful sleep turned into a horrifying nightmare?

"Come on, Jules," Danny shook her hoping she would wake. "JULIA!"

He tried to hide the shock on his face as she gasped loudly, before her eyes snapped open. She shot up like the bed was burning her, and forced herself out of the bed. With Danny's hands still trapping her arms in his grasp, it sent them both crashing to the floor on her side of the bed. As they hit the ground, Jules immediately began struggling, not comprehending that Danny was the one holding her.

"Jules stop. Stop! It's me, it's Danny!" As soon as those words left his mouth, Jules went still. So much so, that it actually concerned him.

He loosened his grip on her when he realized she wasn't fighting back anymore. Danny detangled himself from her before pressing his back to the bed frame and watching as she sat up beside him, looking dazed and confused.

The horror was present in her eyes, she had the nightmare again. In a move he wasn't prepared for, Jules flung herself towards him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and pulling him into a bone crushing embrace. He instantly responded by wrapping his arms around her.

He could feel how tense her muscles were beneath his fingers as they lightly glazed over her skin. Her shoulder was still exposed revealing the gnarled skin where the Hesse Brothers had left their mark. He might have expected her to recoil at this realization, but whatever she had been dreaming about had scared her so badly that she wasn't thinking about any of her wounds being exposed to his view.

"Grab your shoes," Danny whispered softly loosening his grip Jules.

"What?" Her voice was raw.

"Come on," he pulled her up and helped look for her shoes.

Spotting them near her bags, he quickly grabbed them, leaning down to slip them on her feet much like he'd done for Gracie thousands of times before. It was strange seeing her so vulnerable. He had gotten glimpse before, but now it was like she had fallen into a catatonic state. She was letting him help her with menial tasks that she normally would have fought tooth and nail to do on her own.

Danny guided Jules out towards his car, locking the front door behind them. He thought about going back inside to grab his phone, but thought better of it when he saw her sitting in the passenger's seat. She looked so lost.

Pulling out of the driveway, he started towards the only place he knew would help ease her mind when there was nothing else that could.

The drive was short. Cutting the engine, he climbed out of the car letting the salty air surround him. He then walked over to the passenger side and opened it, letting Jules climb out on her own. She was coming back around, he could tell by the look in her eyes, but there was still something there, lingering just beyond the surface.

She climbed out of the car still in a semi-trance like state until the sound of the waves crashing against the sand met her ears. He could see the instant flip of that switch, as she whipped around to stare at the ocean.

In the dead of night, there was no one on this particular beach and even if there was, it wouldn't matter. She walked towards the sand stopping at the very edge, hesitating as Danny closed the passenger door before coming to a stop next her. She broke her stare out over the ocean and looked up at him, her dark green eyes registered confusion.

"The water has this way of calming you," Danny said with a shrug and motioning towards the blackened currents of water. "Figured it was just the thing you needed right now."

"You know, when my parents died, I spent an entire week with the McGarrett family. Before Doris faked her death, while I waited for Joe. He was training some new SEALs and couldn't come get me right away."

Danny watched silently, waiting for her to continue as she stared down at the cool sand in front of them. Her shoulders were no longer tense as she stepped out of her shoes, and into the sand.

Digging her toes into the cooling grains of sand and sea, Danny couldn't help but follow her lead. She sent a lazy smile in his direction, noticing he was barefoot as well, and in the sand no less.

"So, I spent that week on the beach," she continued. "Watched how happy people were and I just got angrier and angrier. My parents were dead, and they were running around like nothing had happened. Like my world hadn't been ripped apart, even though the world I'd known was far from what most of the beach goers had known. One day, the tide came in too fast and took me under while I was out trying to surf..."

"You were surfing at ten?" Danny asked a smile on his face imagining Jules at her preteens trying to surf.

"Mamo taught Steve, Mary, and I how to surf young. Besides, most kids in Hawaii come out surfing, I swear," she smiled as the wind blew some of her hair in her face. "When I went under, I kept thinking maybe it was time for me to go, too. As fate would have it, Steve had followed me that day. As soon as I went under, he jumped in the water and pulled me out. I had hit my head on the reef, getting a nice, deep gash as a souvenir. Steve carried me all the way to the hospital, and I knew in that moment, that he was always going to be there for me."

"He helped you heal," Danny stated understanding wholly where the story was leading.

Jules nodded before walking towards the water. Danny hesitated for an instant before deciding to stay by her side. Jules came to a stop just before the water's edge and started to speak again.

"From that day on, he always knew what to do and what to say to instantly make me feel better. He was the brother that I never got to have."

Danny turned his head to watch her as she spoke. He could hear it in her voice, the raw pain that came with her thoughts. Her left hand had begun to shake and before he could respond, her other hand reached over and stilled it. Her pain and anxiety were evident, but she was starting to work through it. She was opening up to him.

"Then what happened?" Danny asked almost dreading the answer.

"Korea happened. I was beaten and tortured to the point where I was sure I wasn't going to come back. After Steve got me out of Korea, he tried so hard to be my world again, but I couldn't do it. Things were completely different. I couldn't talk to him, or Joe about what I had done to Carson. I don't know why exactly, but I just couldn't share it with them. Then you came along. You were helping me heal those scars, long before you even knew I needed healing. And you started to do that without my knowledge and lord knows without my consent. I didn't want to be healed because I thought I deserved to suffer for the mistakes I'd made. Mistakes that had cost someone I loved their life."

Danny stood there shocked by the confession. He stayed on the sand as Jules moved slowly into the water. The moment he had met her, he could see how broken she was. She had watched Carson Riggs and John McGarrett die right before her eyes, but there was always something much deeper she wouldn't let him see. As time went on she opened up to him, but in his heart, he knew this was the last piece. This was the hope that she needed, the chance for her to move on and start to build the happiness that she had tried to forfeit to honor Carson.

The smile on her lips was contagious as he felt his own lips curve as he watched her kicked around some of the water. Nighttime trysts in the water were frowned upon, but she needed it. She needed to cleanse the last bit of darkness from her soul, she deserved it, and Danny deserved to see the girl she'd been before that darkness had started to consume her.

The sound of sand moving behind them caused Danny to turn quickly, his hand moving to his hip out of habit. Even though his weapon had been left in the car, the instinct took over. His shoulders relaxed when he realized that it was Steve moving down the beach towards them. Jules remained oblivious to the new presence, still mesmerized by the sand and surf, so Danny just waited for Steve's words to break through her happy little bubble. He didn't have the heart to interrupt her, what with the bright smile that painted her pretty features.

"I take it you're both all right," Steve asked.

"Nightmares. They really shook her up this time," Danny responded as he glanced back to see Jules was still blissfully unaware of their guest. "How'd you know we'd be here?"

Steve shrugged as he crossed his arms over his chest saying, "I stopped by your apartment. Your phone was still sitting on the bed, so I tracked your car."

"You tracked my car?" Danny asked with a scandalized pitch to his voice.

"Well, there was screaming and you didn't call back, so I..." he trailed off as he waved his hands as if that would draw all the right conclusions.

"You panicked," Danny smirked turning from Steve to look over at Jules who had spotted them both standing there.

"I panicked. Jules and Mary are all I've got left," Steve admitted.

"What about Doris?"

"I'm still on the fence about Doris," Steve said as he nodded towards Jules who was walking towards them.

"Steve what are you doing here?" She asked, looking between the two of them.

"We found a match to the prints on the pictures," Steve responded, his voice becoming firm and business like once more. "Does the name Sean Reedus mean anything to you?"

* * *

**A HUGE THANK YOU to my beta she is the most rocking person on the planet! Also a huge thank you to those who added this story to their alerts or favs! Also to francis2 who reviewed you are awesome! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. PLEASE review so I know what you guys are thinking about Danny and Jules' relationship! You guys rock!**


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